Recently I was asked to reflect on the greatest learning that I took away from 2011. “Patience and trust are the biggest lessons that showed up,” I said. “They’re lessons I’ve had to relearn a few times in my life.”
It takes a lot of patience to build a creative business, especially if you prefer to follow intuitive pathways and ask a lot of deep questions instead of crafting foolproof business plans. And it takes a lot of trust to believe that the path you’re following is the right one when there are lots of bumps and curves and the destination continues to looks so blurry.
Last year’s word was “joy“, but sometimes, when I’m being honest with myself, I wonder if the word that best defines it might instead be “worry“. I tried to follow joy, but in the process I did a lot of worrying. Did I do the right thing quitting my job? Is this dream really going to pan out? Do people value my work? Are any of my efforts going to pan out? Am I ever going to make enough money?
Recently, a question has popped up in my mind repeatedly when I’ve started to take the worry path.
What if the outcome is not my responsibility?
What if I am only responsible for sharing my gift and not how people respond to that gift?
What if my only duty is to follow my muse and I don’t have to worry about whether or not people like what I produce?
What if the only thing I need to do is be faithful to my calling, show up and do the work, and then trust God to look after the rest?
What if all the striving I do to be a “success” is wasted effort and I should instead invest that effort into being as faithful as I can be to the wisdom and creativity that has been given me to share?
When I take that question seriously, it gives me a great deal of peace. When I let go of the outcome or the sales or the response of other people and focus instead on being faithful to the process and my own commitment to excellency, the knots stop forming in my stomach and I can breathe more deeply.
My mandala practice is helping me learn this lesson. I make mandalas for nobody but myself (even though I’m willing to share them). For me, they are about the process. I show up on the page, pick up the pencils or markers that I feel drawn to, and let whatever needs to emerge on the page. What shows up is almost always about something I need to learn or be reminded of or discover. It’s not about the art. The outcome is not my responsibility.
A few months ago, I was supposed to do a community-building workshop for a leadership learning institute in my city. Only three people registered for it, so they decided to cancel it. I was able to let it go at the time because I was already overbooked and needed the breathing space. They were still interested in the content, though, so they rescheduled it for January 23rd. This time, there are already 14 people registered, ten days before the event. I had to let go of the outcome and trust that, if I was faithful to what I felt called to share, and did my best to let people know, the right people would show up who need to hear what I have to say. The outcome is not my responsibility.
So far, my Creative Discovery class only has 3 registrants, even though I’ve promoted it more broadly than the last class that had much better registration. It doesn’t matter. I feel called to do this class and I know that it will be what those three people (and I) need even if nobody else shows up. The outcome is not my responsibility.
I’m putting the finishing touches on my book and writing a proposal to try to get it into the hands of agents. When I start reading books about how to write a proposal and how to land an agent, I can get my stomach tied in knots over whether I’m doing things the right way, whether I’ll ever be successful, etc., etc. But then I have to pause, take a deep breath, and make a mandala like the one above. It doesn’t matter if I’m a “success”. I feel called to share this book with the world and I will do so even if I have to self-publish it. The outcome is not my responsibility.
Letting go of the outcome doesn’t mean that we should get lazy about the product, or that we shouldn’t work hard to let people know about what we’re doing. But once we’ve worked hard to follow the muse and been diligent in offering the gift to the world, we need to let it go and trust that the people who need to find it will.
I love the principles of Open Space, an Art of Hosting methodology for hosting meaningful conversations.
* Whoever comes are the right people
* Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened.
* When it starts is the right time
* When it’s over it’s over
In other words, the outcome is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY!
And now it’s your turn… what do you need to let go of?
We’ve had many discussion around this concept, but more in terms of church leadership and parenting. If you’re in leadership at church and no one is following, are you really leading? How much responsibility do we have as parents for the choices or behavior of our kids? Is there only so much we can do in these kinds of situations or should we always be looking for another approach or something to try again? I think the responsibility is shared in most cases.
A big fat holy YES to this. I’m still trying to learn this, and I haven’t made such a big leap of faith as you have.. but I have to sit and remind myself that my work is going to get into the right hands in the right way at the right time and it isn’t my business to worry about how “big” my tribe is. Or to worry about what people who clearly aren’t part of my tribe going to think.
“What if I am only responsible for sharing my gift and not how people respond to that gift?”
This is so important to remember and can really trip us up sometimes!I know that it is one thing I am really working on right now.
Holy shiva Heather I so needed to read that! I love that very sentence that Tina quoted, and I really need to let go of expectations too, being the professional worrier that I am 🙂
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.” –Martha Graham 😉
A larger portion of that quote is on one of the walls of my studio.
I so agree…..this is great…..loved reading it and your mandalas are gorgeous!
Appreciate your insight and that of other commentors – the poetic responses that your post evokes. And I agree, Open Space principles are such freeing principles to live and work by. This, and recalling a lovely poem by David Whyte:
Enough. These few words are enough.
If not these words, this breath.
If not this breath,this sitting here.
This opening to life
we have refused
again and again
until now.
Until now.
Remembering I am enough, I have enough, I do enough. Just today I had a dear colleague come to tell me that a few years back when I reminded her that she was enough, had made all the difference to her as she struggled to find her way, her place. She returned the gift as I experienced another wave of grief with what had been and now is.
This is such a generous post. Thank you for writing it. xo
Thank you for your words. They were exactly what I needed to hear as I’m gripped with the worry about ‘what have I done?’. I gave up my job and have spent the last 18 months healing myself physically and spiritually. I’m currently gripped with fear and worry about money and the question ‘do I give up and throw myself back into the 9-5 grind, even though I know it’s wrong for me so I get the security I’m told I need’. But I know that I just need to have faith that I’m in the right place at the right time and it’s all going to work out exactly as it needs to because I turned up and was present and the outcome is not my responsibility. I’m going to put those words up over my desk to remind myself of your powerful message. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You are so right and in great company. Krishna said in geeta “karmnyeva adhikrashte,
ma falezhu kadachanah”. Duty is your right but the outcome is never your responsibility.
wow! just what I needed as I put the finishing touches on my new 1-woman show!!! thank-you thank-you!!
I think there’s an echo in here! Thank youuuuuu! I really needed to be reminded of this right now as I am in the middle of what feels like a big project to me. I know it is important to let go of expectations about the outcome but it is so hard to remember when my ego pops in for a visit.
Boy oh boy is this true– this is the only way I EVER get anything done, also- I give it over to the universe and I’m like: “hey– it’s on you” 😉
Also, I think this important point is very similar to the lesson of the Bhagavad Gita– in order to become enlightened, we have to surrender the fruits of our actions. 😉
Thank you everyone for your beautiful, heart-felt comments. It seems I’m not alone in needing to let go of the outcome and focus instead on the act of giving the gift.
May you all find freedom from the “tyranny of the outcome”. 🙂