What I’ve been thinking about lately
On border guards, claustrophobia, and the right to breathe
The border appeared too quickly. On a small highway with little traffic, nobody had bothered to post a “5 km to the U.S. border” sign, so I was suddenly there with no time to prepare. With some trepidation, I pulled up next to the border guard’s window, took off my...
read moreHow to Hold Space for Children
I swore I’d never write a parenting blog. Parenting feels like a lifelong experiment where the variables, subjects, and researchers keep changing so that there’s never any way to prove your hypotheses. Just when you’ve figured out that “Action A applied to Subject B...
read moreWhat to do when your bowl is full
When I spoke in Florida last month, I recounted a story of a time when I was getting too many requests from people who wanted me to hold space for them when I was personally depleted and had to start saying to people “I’m at capacity - you’ll have to find someone else...
read moreThis body, without the triumphant narrative
I am fat. Let’s get that out of the way first. At least 60-70 pounds over what would be considered my “ideal weight”. Probably more, but I don’t own a scale. I don’t love this about myself, but it’s part of my story. It has been, to varying degrees, all of my adult...
read moreWhen you find it (on finding home in an auditorium in Florida)
"It's a long and rugged road and we don't now where it's headed But we know it's going to get us where we're going And when we find what we're looking for we'll drop these bags and search no more 'Cuz it's going to feel like heaven when we're home It's going to feel...
read moreUnclear vision and a fragile thread
The Way It Is There’s a thread you follow. It goes among things that change. But it doesn’t change. People wonder about what you are pursuing. You have to explain about the thread. But it is hard for others to see. While you hold it you can’t get lost. Tragedies...
read moreHold your tongue and offer your heart instead
When my mom was dying of cancer, I occasionally got messages from well-meaning people who wanted to offer what they thought was valuable information about how mom could cure her cancer. Eat raw food, take more vitamin C, stop drinking milk - all of those suggestions...
read moreForgiveness and the death of my son
If it hadn’t been for doctors’ errors, I would have a sixteen-year-old son. Halfway through my third pregnancy, I could sense that something was wrong. My body didn’t feel right. “I feel like I have to re-adjust my hips every time I stand up to avoid the baby dropping...
read moreCommunicating across differences and through noise
Melancholy: a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause That sounds about right for my state of mind this past week. I hesitate to call it depression, because it doesn’t feel that heavy, but there is definitely “pensive sadness” going on and it has...
read moreCentring marginalized voices and decolonizing my bookshelf
At the beginning of 2016, I made a commitment to read only books by authors who weren’t from the dominant culture. My intent was to broaden my education and stretch myself by staying away from books written by white able-bodied cisgender heterosexuals. Books have...
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