The Best Laid Plans: trying to stay mindful when everything is falling apart
photo credit: Uday Mittal, Unsplash Where does your mind go when you’re faced with frustration? Where does it go when all of your plans fall through and everything is outside of your control? Years ago, I heard a mindfulness teacher say that mindfulness is about...
My head knows, my heart knows, but my body’s still catching up
I’m writing this post poolside, at a beach hotel in Costa Rica. I feel like I’m in one of those commercials from the early days of smartphones, when the busy mom wouldn’t have time to take her kids to the beach because she had a meeting, but then she’d realize she...
From self-criticism to self-love: seeing the light in my own eyes
The older I get, the more time I spend in a place called self-love. It’s not a destination I have fully settled into yet, but at least I spend more time there than I used to. It’s not just a hotel that I visit a couple of times a year - it’s an apartment I’ve...
The beauty of decay and the possibilities in death
I was walking through the jungle this morning, as I do nearly every morning when I stay at my friend Mary’s farm in Costa Rica, and I was noticing the beauty and variety of what has dropped onto the jungle floor. A couple of weeks ago, I photographed the endless...
I am an unfinished story
Today, I’m back in the messy part of the story. I’m slightly agitated, slightly grumpy, and slightly guarded. I’m doing my best to interact with people in a way that is as kind as I can muster. I’m pulling back into my introverted tendencies and I’m trying not to be...
What will it say in your obituary?
where I'll be in retreat next week “She was always selfless, sacrificing everything for other people.” How often have you heard something like that said at a funeral? I know I’ve heard some version of it at the funerals of many people in my lineage – aunts, uncles,...
The Wisdom of 2022: life lessons from a year in transition
wandering in Nice at twilight It’s been a year. I don’t quite know which adjective to put in front, so I’ll just say that – it’s been a year. A year in which the last of my daughters moved away from home, quickly following her two sisters. A year in which I sold my...
Joy in the Liminal Season
“Can the liminal space also be joyful?” Someone asked me that recently, at the end of a talk I gave to facilitators of Deep Democracy in Belgium. “Yes, definitely!” I said. “I’m in such a liminal space right now!” If you’ve read my book or taken my courses, you know...
Punishment, Performance, and Perfectionism – all rooted in systems of trauma
The more I understand trauma, the less I am okay with the dismissal and/or glorification of where it originated. I toured a medieval castle this morning. As I walked from room to room, in this massive stone structure that has stood for 900 years, I listened to the...
What do I mean when I talk about Liberation and Tenderness?
morning journal-writing time in Chartres I’m on my Liberation and Tenderness Tour. After selling my house and putting my personal things in storage, I set off on what is likely to be a 5-6 month adventure, starting in Europe. (You can follow along on social media -...
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