by Heather Plett | Aug 22, 2006 | Uncategorized
Are there times when you meet someone and you know within a relatively short period of time that you can be friends with this person, that you will probably laugh at the same jokes, read the same books, and, in time, share fairly intimate details of your deepest, darkest character flaws and secret cravings with them? Some people talk of “chemistry”, some people refer to them as “kindred spirits”. My old roommate used to refer to someone like that as “one of US”, with a knowing look on her face – like we were about to become partners in crime and would be forever bonded by our secret guilt. I mentioned that same phenomenon when I talked about the dinner party last month – when seven women who didn’t really know each other before bonded like old pals over wine and barbecued shrimp. After a chance encounter at our party in the Spring, they just KNEW they could be friends and they KNEW which other women could fit neatly into our little circle even though they were virtual strangers to the rest of us.
I love it when that happens. Today I had lunch with “one of US”. I don’t know her very well, but I think we both sensed that we could and should be friends. She’s a journalist with CBC and in my years of media relations I’ve come into contact with her on a number of occasions. Up until recently, however, the extent of our conversation consisted mainly of the story she was working on for the evening news. A couple of weeks ago, I bumped into her and her husband and little girl at the BDI (local ice cream joint). We struck up a conversation, hit it off fairly quickly, and I suggested we get together for lunch.
I knew I hadn’t been mistaken in my assessment of her when she sat down, looked at the menu and said “you know it’s usually polite to order something light like soup and a salad when you’re lunching with female friends you don’t know very well, but I’m hungry, so I’m going for a burger and fries”. And I said “well then, let’s just dispense with the formalities of politeness and order whatever the heck we want!” We both agreed to skip over the low-fat section of the menu – I indulged in coconut chicken fingers.
Turns out I was right when I suspected she was a kindred spirit. We have a lot of the same interests (I didn’t ask what she’s been reading lately, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be too far off my book list), we find the same parenting issues challenging, we both get tired of managing whiny sensitive people, we both wish sometimes that we had thicker skin and petty insults wouldn’t bother us so much, and we’re both wondering how much longer we want to be “career-driven” working moms. Feels a little like wrapping an old familiar blanket around your shoulders when you meet someone with whom you can relax like that. Thanks J!
I have another possibility of making new friends tonight. I’m really excited about the invitation I got from one of the editors of Cahoots. (They published an article of mine a little while ago. A GREAT magazine! For those budding writers who responded to my publishing post, you should send them stuff!) She’s going to be in town for a few days and has invited all of the women from Winnipeg who’ve written for the magazine to join her for coffee and dessert. There are at least three of us joining her for cheesecake. (There you go – another woman who suggested we meet over a decadent dessert rather than polite rabbit food – must be kizmet!) What fun! An evening with fun and interesting fellow writers. I feel so lucky. I’m a little bit nervous, because all I know of these women is what they’ve written. Will I like them? Will they like me? Will we bond over our common passion for writing? Will I embarrass myself by telling irrelevant stories while their eyes gloss over with boredom? Will they all be thin and pretty with well-put-together lives and I’ll feel fat, ordinary, and scatter-brained? Will I drop a big blob of cheesecake on my ample chest and have to sit there with a stain on my shirt for the rest of the evening?
Okay, so I’m not really THAT worried (or insecure). Mostly I’m excited. I can usually hold my own in a conversation, and I only occasionally tell boring irrelevant stories (mostly I reserve those for my blog and subject you poor souls to them – nyuck, nyuck!)
Sometimes I wish I could meet some of you, my blog friends. I just know we could bond over a good plate of fries or cheesecake! And if you dropped cheesecake on your shirt, I promise I’d drop some on mine too so we’d be on equal footing. (Which reminds me of a story I once heard of the Queen of England. Apparently she was dining with dignitaries from various countries, and when one of the people unknowingly drank from the finger bowl, she did the same thing. Sounds like a classy thing to do!)
by Heather Plett | Aug 22, 2006 | Uncategorized
Today we went to a growing project harvest (where a field is harvested and donated toward ending hunger in developing countries) and Marcel and I were once again reminded that we are raising city girls. Our daughters have turned into those girls that us “country girls” used to turn our noses at (and, to be honest, be a little envious of at the same time).
– they don’t know what a combine is (yes, Nikki called it a “turbine” on her blog)
– they are squeamish of bugs
– they whine about standing around in a field for an hour
– they make faces at the smell of pig manure
– only one of them has any interest in riding a combine (that would be Julie)
– they don’t know that wheat makes flour which in turn makes our bread
– they forget that milk comes from cows
– the stubble was too scratchy for their legs, so they went to sit in the car
– they wanted to come home to watch TV
Sigh. I think we need to send them to a farm for a week. Too bad they can’t go visit Grandpa’s farm, where they used to gather eggs and feed the pigs.
D&L, wanna take them?
by Heather Plett | Aug 19, 2006 | Uncategorized
If you’re playing “would you rather” with your four-year-old child, and she asks you a question like “would you rather lick peanut butter off a dog’s toe or sleep in a bathtub full of water for the rest of your life”, don’t follow it up with a question like “would you rather love me for the rest of your life or go for a Slurpee?” You probably won’t like the answer.
Ah, childhood honesty and short-sightedness! 🙂
Earlier in the day, she also asked me “Mom, does your mind sometimes tell you wierd things? Like if you’re eating a bagel and your mind tells you that you’re finished but then you look down into your plate and you still have a piece left? Mine does.” And with that, she finished her bagel.
And in the bathtub this morning, she said “Mom, could you take me to a REAL wishing well, where wishes REALLY come true? I would make a wish that I was nine or ten. Would you take me Mom? Would you? Please?” And I answered “No, honey, I wouldn’t want that wish to come true.” “But why mom?” “Because I don’t want you to grow up too fast – I like you just the way you are.”
by Heather Plett | Aug 17, 2006 | Uncategorized
A few days ago, my sister-in-law ap and I had a brief conversation about writing and getting published (unfortunately, all our conversations were brief on this visit). She was commenting on my recent publishing successes and said “I guess I just don’t have as much confidence that people will be interested in the ordinary-ness of my life as you do.” Now, I could either take that as a compliment (ie. I have confidence in my writing) or as an insult (ie. my life is boring and I shouldn’t assume people want to read about it). I chose to interpret it the first way, ‘cause I’m not just “confident”, I’m optimistic. 🙂 I’ll leave it up to ap to correct me if I’m wrong. (By the way, ap is an amazing writer and the only reason she hasn’t gotten more stuff published is because she doesn’t send it out there!!)
Since then, I was reading Kvetch’s post about wanting to get published (she’s a great writer too – worth a visit – and I just ASSUMED she had a whole lot of confidence as a writer because she has such a great blog) and I threw my 2 cents worth into her already bulging comment box (she doesn’t think she’s got one o’ the “cool blogs” even though she can elicit 35 comments!)
These two interactions and a follow-up e-mail from Kvetch made me think that perhaps there are other people out there longing for that first publishing success who might like to hear about some of my experiences. At the risk of sounding horribly presumptuous and pretentious, I’m going to throw out a little unsolicited advice, even though I’m FAR from an expert. You see, a few years ago, when I facilitated an AMAZING, transformative eight week workshop on creativity (I say it was amazing not because it was mine, but because the people who participated made it so), I realized how rewarding and rich it felt to help unleash other people’s creativity. Giving eight women “permission” to set aside their busy lives for a little while each day and lose themselves in some creative venture felt like I was giving them the world. We all wowed each other with our creativity and inspiration, and we all walked away enriched from our interaction with each other. Because of that, I’ve learned the importance of sharing whatever wisdom and experience we have, even though it may feel like a mere pittance. And besides – it’s often easier to accept advice from an amateur with just a little more experience than ourselves (and hopefully still a reasonable amount of humility) than from a pro who’s left us in the dust long ago.
So here it is – my tips for getting published (in magazines, that is. I still haven’t figured out how to get a book published, although I’ve tried):
1. Start sending stuff out there. Sounds simple, I know. But you won’t get published if you don’t try. Polish up your best pieces, look for a few markets, and kiss those envelopes or e-mails good-bye. Also – it pays to have a back-up plan for a piece so that when/if it comes back rejected, you’re ready to send it to the next market before your bruised ego has a chance to stop you. And that leads me to my next point…
2. Get ready for rejection. Again, it sounds simple, but trust me, it can be painful. For every one of the 20 or so acceptance letters I’ve received, I’m sure I’ve gotten twice as many rejection letters. Sometimes my skin feels a little thin and I let the rejection letters dry up my attempts for awhile, but with some practice, I’ve gotten pretty good at rolling with the punches. The thing is, a rejection letter doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not well-written, it just means that it doesn’t work for their publication or their editor was having a crotchety day (we’re all human after all – even editors). I once had a piece rejected by a relatively small local publication, and then the very same piece (with absolutely no editing) was accepted by a much larger national publication. After several years of getting used to rejection, I’m happy to report that my acceptance letters now outnumber my rejection letters. It took a long time though!
3. Trust yourself. If you believe that you’re a good writer, and you’ve been told by lots of friends and maybe your high school teacher that you’re a good writer, believe it. Keep believing it after a string of rejection letters. Keep believing it after a bad case of writer’s block. Keep believing it even though some well-meaning relative suggests you’re wasting your time. Keep believing it until some editor finally catches on. Keep believing it when that well-meaning relative has to EAT CROW!
4. Say good-bye to perfection. Your piece will NEVER be perfect. You can keep polishing it until the cows come home, but you will still always find something that could be better – even after you see it in print. Give it up. Yes, it’s important to edit it a couple of times, and I usually set a piece aside for a day or two before doing a final read-through, but at some point you just have to trust that it is “good enough”.
5. Make sure you’re targeting the right market. Get to know the publication you’re sending to before you submit. Go to the library and browse through some old editions to get a feel for what kind of stuff they like to publish. You’ll never get a gardening piece published in a travel magazine (unless it’s about gardening in an exotic travel destination, I suppose). And you’ll never get a “George Bush rocks” piece published in a left-leaning political rag. If you like to write personal essays (my preference) rather than research articles, look for a publication with that personal touch.
6. Start small. You may dream of seeing your name appear in Time magazine or Reader’s Digest, but consider the fact that thousands (maybe millions) of other people want the same thing. Their editors are getting inundated with submissions, so their first inclination will be to look for what’s safe (since they have to sell millions of copies), and that tends to be the well-published writers. Instead, visit the library or local bookstore and look for some interesting independent magazines – the ones with a few less glossy advertisements. Whenever I’m in my favourite bookstore, I browse through the magazine racks to see if there are any new and interesting magazines I haven’t seen before. Chances are, they’ll be a little more willing to take a risk on an unknown writer with a unique idea. It may not get you notoriety or a guest spot on the Oprah show, but you’ll see your name in print and that, my friends, is a RUSH!
7. Read submission guidelines carefully. If it says they don’t want unsolicited material, don’t send an already completed piece. If it says they don’t want poetry, don’t try to change their minds, even if your poem is brilliant. If it says the maximum length should be 1500 words, don’t try to sneak in a 2000 word piece. You won’t be doing yourself (or them) any favours.
8. “No unsolicited material” does not necessarily mean you need to have an agent submit to that market for you. If the guidelines indicate that they don’t accept unsolicited material, it simply means they want to see a query letter first. Write a really compelling query letter about the piece you want to write (there are lots of sample query letters in writing books and probably on the internet), tell them why it would fit into their publication, and convince them you’re a good writer. Funny story – I once sent a query letter and attached a sample piec
e for them (something I’d written on my blog that was similar to what I was proposing I could write for the magazine) and they actually published the sample piece I sent without any edits!
9. Read lots of stuff similar to what you want to have published. I find that reading does a few things for me: a.) it inspires me and provides me with ideas for my own writing; b.) it reminds me that my life is just as interesting as the writers’ which gives me confidence to believe people will want to read what I write; and c) it gives me a good sense of what things people (and especially editors) are interested in reading. If you read something really good, make sure you send a note to the writer (if you can). I can hardly tell you how good it feels to get an e-mail from someone who’s been touched by something I wrote.
10. Look for newspapers and magazines that have a “your turn” section. Our local newspaper used to have a “View from Here” section that accepted submissions from anyone. I’ve had a few pieces published there and it’s a good way to get some practice and experience that good ol’ publishing rush. Even if you don’t get paid for it, it’s still good for the ego to have at least one publishing credit to your name.
11. Take risks. Yes, you’ve heard it before in lots of those “here’s how to change your life and become the person you dream of” inspirational talks and self-help books. Don’t bother with the books or tapes, just believe it and do it. You have to take a few risks now and then if you want to see your stuff in print. Send it out even if you’re not completely convinced it’s brilliant. Even though I said you should pay attention to submission guidelines and target carefully, sometimes it pays to be a little “on the edge”. Send stuff that stretches the boundaries a bit. Think about a new angle for an old story. Try something fresh. Dig down deep and be as honest as you can be, even if it means showing your weakness and vulnerability to the world. Someone will thank you for it.
12. Celebrate! Even if your first success seems minor compared to your writing idols’, celebrate your accomplishments. Tell all your friends, take yourself on an “artist’s date” (read The Artist’s Way for more inspiration), buy yourself a new book (or one of those independent magazines you’ve been leafing through) as a treat for your success, and then write some more. Since I haven’t gotten to a stage where I get paid hoards of money for what I write, I usually use the small cheques I get (or at least a portion of them) as a re-investment into my writing. I buy books, magazines, or cds that will further inspire my creativity. With the latest cheque I got, I bought a season ticket for the local theatre. I’d encourage you to do the same. (I’m still hoping for a cheque that will buy me a laptop computer, but I haven’t got there yet!)
There you go, folks, my “mere pittance”. I hope it inspires you in some small way to trust your creativity. When you get published, make sure you come back here and tell me about it. I’d love to celebrate with you!
(Oh, and by the way, I know all about the half-truths you tell yourself for not sending stuff out… “I don’t have to get published to feel good about my writing” and “oh, my stuff is meant for me, not for the public” and “I don’t need the attention or the gratification of getting published”. Fine. Be that way. But I’m pretty certain that everyone who likes to write would like to see their stuff in print in a real publication now and then even if they don’t admit it to themselves or anyone else. Go ahead and TRY!)
“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never.” – Kierkegaard
“If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves.” – Thomas Alva Edison
