Vicki and Robyn recently nominated me for the “Thinking Blogger” award, and I’m flattered. Truly I am. Sometimes I feel like Sally Fields accepting the Oscar – “You like me! You really like me!” (I do that almost every time I get a few comments too – it still surprises me that people are showing up.)
Accepting the award means that I’m supposed to pass it on to five more people. I’ve tried to do that a couple of times, but every time I tried, I had some kind of mental block and never got it done. WHOM should I pick? Out of all of those blogs I love to visit, which ones are written by “thinkers”? Well, they ALL are – otherwise I wouldn’t waste my time. (Oh, and by the way, I haven’t updated my blogroll for a long time, so if you’re not on there, don’t take it personally.)
Here’s the thing… I’m not going to pass it on, even though there are lots of blogs on my blogroll that deserve it. The truth is, I’m starting to have an itty-bitty problem with all these blog awards floating around the internet. I know they’re meant to be genuine and generous, but there’s just something about it that makes me squirm a little – like I’m back in high school and stuck in a popularity contest time warp. “Aw, so-and-so got FIVE thinking blogger awards and I only got TWO. What am I doing wrong? Maybe I’m not wearing the right shoes with my outfit. Maybe I need to sit with the cool kids in the lunch room.”
It’s the same thing with comments. I try not to do it, but it happens almost in spite of myself. “Oh – that post only warranted 5 comments. What did I do wrong? Maybe I’m losing my touch.” (Yikes! Now I sound like my mother every time she bakes buns!) Ridiculous, I know. That’s why I’ve stopped looking at my stat counter. I don’t want to obsess about how many people are showing up. I just want to write for the fun of it. That’s why I started my blog in the first place. If people show up, that’s a bonus, but I don’t want to feel like I NEED that for validation.
So – thanks for the awards. (And please, PLEASE don’t take offense – I’d hate to sound ungrateful or self-righteous.) But I think I’ll pass this time. I’ll keep thinking, and if my thoughts provoke yours, you’re certainly welcome to let me know, but I don’t need an award for it.