Today marks another beginning. I have a new employee starting today. It’s the first of the three we hired recently – the other two will start in the new year.
It’s a new beginning because it marks a new chapter in my journey as an evolving leader. I’ve been a positional leader for a dozen years or so, but each role I take on pushes me to a new level. (I purposefully say “positional leader” because I believe there are all kinds of ways of being a leader without every having the position.)
Expanding my team this year and adding a big new strategic plan is going to stretch me (and my team) in ways I haven’t been stretched before. In this year of trying to be more fearless, this may very well be the biggest step I’ll take.
Today I am being called to:
- trust my instinct more.
- be bold and push forward into spaces I’ve never been before.
- thicken my skin and brave the resistance that always comes when we push into something new.
- challenge those people who don’t want to give their energy to the team’s direction and purpose
- be authentic, vulnerable, and humble, even at the risk of embarrassing myself
- trust my own wisdom and my ability to be the “voice of authority”
- be true to myself and what I believe I am being called to do
- be brave enough to admit failure and strong enough to pick myself up and try again
Six months ago, I put a big proposal forward to the board. It was approved, though not without some resistance on the part of both board and staff. Six months ago, I started slipping into a deep pit of restlessness, fear, frustration, and yes… I believe depression. I wrestled with demons that said I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. I battled obstacles I wasn’t prepared for, with two staff resigning, challenges with a consulting company, conflict on my team, and all measure of personal angst and unease.
This week, the board meets again (for semi-annual meetings). I’m still a little fearful and still not sure I can do what I know I need to do, but something in me has shifted. I’m ready to move into this new challenge. I’m ready to trust that I am not doing this alone – that God has equipped me with the skills I need to succeed, or the courage I need to fail.
Let it begin.