At first, I hesitated to share this picture from my travels last week, even though it’s one of my favourite moments of the trip. Why did I hesitate? Because you can see just how much weight I’ve gained in the past six months, and… well… ugh. I hate that I’ve gained weight, but even more, I hate that it matters. Double ugh.
But here it is, none-the-less, because I like it, and it’s beautiful, and I’m trying to move past those issues. Really – I am. Look closer at the picture – past the size of my imperfect body, up to my face, and you’ll see a tiny smirk on my face. I was so happy in that moment – so full of what gives me pleasure in life.
This post is only partly about the weight thing. More than that, it’s about chipping away at things. I was in the magical studio of Regina Coupar and she was teaching my friend and me how to chip away at glass and stone to make tiny sparkly tiles for mosaic art. None of them were symmetrical or perfect, but each piece was just right. Blended together, these imperfect, assymetrical pieces make the most beautiful works of art.
It’s what I’m doing in my life too – chipping away at it. Trying to find the beauty at the centre of what looks like rough and ugly rocks. Trying to make the broken pieces into a work of art. Trying to trust the pain of the hammer and anvil. Trying to be brave enough to reveal what I’ve kept hidden under layers of protective covering.
I’m chipping away at what it means to be an artist too. Breaking off pieces of fear and hesitation. Revealing the shiny bits underneath. Taking chances and making mistakes. Trying new things. Risking failure. Learning from others… but in the end, trusting my own way of seeing and being.
This year has been full of so much “hammer and anvil” work. Chipping away at growth, change, pain, renewal, and fear.
I am artist and I am art, all wrapped into one imperfect package. I strive to create beauty and trust my own beauty to shine.