There are knots trying to untie themselves in my stomach. Big decisions trying to get made. Big ideas trying to find space to grown. Big worries trying to overshadow those big ideas. Big questions. Big doubts. Big and dangerous transformation trying to happen.
The other day I tweeted: “Holding this phrase in my heart today: ‘In the fullness of time.’ When the time is right, the shift will come.”
Honestly, though? I suck at “the fullness of time”. I’m really, really impatient. When I decide I want to take a certain path, I want to take it NOW, not six months from now when the timing is better. You’d think I’d have learned this lesson by now, after so many times in my history when I’d wring my hands hoping for something to change IMMEDIATELY and then – when it changed at a later time and turned out in a better way than I’d even dreamed – I’d realize “oh THAT’S why it was better to wait”.
But, alas, those lessons seem to be lost on me whenever I’m chomping at the bit waiting for a new story to unfold. Like an unruly child, I squirm and shout “Now! I want it NOW!”
I’m not quite sure what this post is for. No great wisdom or revelation here. Just the wrestlings of a restless soul.
BUT… if I were to write myself an advice column, I would tell myself:
1. Change is inevitable. Embrace it, dance with it, but don’t try to rush it.
2. Slow down. Transformation takes time. The cocoon will be broken open when the butterfly is ready to be released. Break it open sooner and the butterfly dies.
3. There is a force greater than you at play in the world. Trust it. Spend time with it. Let the Spirit hold your hand and whisper in your ear.
4. You have good friends who understand things about the world. Share your secrets with them and they may just whisper words of wisdom you didn’t let yourself believe to be true.
5. There are lessons to be learned in the waiting. You NEED these lessons. Take time for them.
6. Sometimes you need to let things go – some really GOOD things – to step into a new story. Don’t worry, you’ll find new things in the new space and they’ll probably be just what you need for the person you’ve become.
7. Be gentle with your family. They may not understand what you’re going through. But they want to see you happy.
8. Sometimes, the people who love you the most are the ones most resistant to seeing you change and grow. It’s probably because they want to keep you safe.
9. The “road less travelled” sometimes has scary shit on the path – monsters and falling trees and huge crevices – tread carefully, but don’t give up. It’s still the right path.
10. That ugly feeling of restlessness and worry and doubt and angst all balled up in the pit of your stomach? This too shall pass.
Now if only I were good at following my own advice!