by Heather Plett | Jul 28, 2010 | Beauty, body, journey, women
Me, on a rickety old boat in India, in one of my favourite skirts
Recently, a friend (who likes to shop more than I do) gave me three large bags full of great, almost new, hand-me-down clothes. It felt like Christmas, especially since many of them look better on me than a lot of the clothes I already owned.
Because I’m a bit of a pack-rat, I didn’t have alot of room in my closet or dresser for this windfall. So last night was purge time. As best I could, I tried to be ruthless and let go of anything that a.) I hadn’t worn for awhile, or b.) didn’t really enjoy wearing even if it was recent.
The clothes I packed up for goodwill fit into three categories:
- Clothes that are too baggy because my body has changed OR because I’d convinced myself that an overweight woman like me shouldn’t wear fitted clothes.
- Clothes that used to fit me a size or two ago, that I still really like, and that I hope to fit into again some day.
- Clothes that I never really liked the look or feel of (once I had them home from the store and on my body), or that didn’t really suit my personality, but that I felt guilty about getting rid of because I’d invested money in them.
That list says a lot about the things that I hang onto:
- Old ideas about myself and how I should or shouldn’t dress or I should or shouldn’t look.
- Unrealistic ideals about what I want to look like “some day”, coupled with dissatisfaction over how I look RIGHT NOW.
- Guilt and unhelpful attachment to choices I shouldn’t have made.
- Shame over being the size I am right now and always a longing to be something different.
- Feeling that it’s wrong to want to look my very best, and that some days I should just be satisfied with boring, poorly fitted clothes.
- The sense that if I hang onto worn out, baggy, or not-quite-right clothes, I am fitting into the image I’ve painted of myself as a frugal/earthy person who doesn’t want to use up too much of the earth’s resources for her own consumption.
- The idea that I’m supposed to dress a certain way (professional/practical/conservative/not-too-loud/not-too-sexy) to fit certain roles I have in my life and to ensure I don’t offend anyone or rock the boat.
That’s a lot of baggage I’m trying to pack away in those goodwill bags. No, I’m not idealistic enough to believe that a one-time purge will allow me to shake all of those old ideas, but I have to start somewhere.
Here are some of the new ideas I’m trying to replace them with:
- It’s okay to look great, feel great, (and maybe even a little sexy!) and enjoy what I’m wearing.
- My style is somewhere in the range of eclectic/colourful/global/bohemian/wanderer/artist – and THAT’S THE WAY I DRESS!
- I am a good steward of the earth’s and my own resources AND I appreciate and value the beauty and comfort in what the earth has provided for me.
- I look good and feel good the way my body is RIGHT NOW, even if it’s far from society’s ideals.
- It’s okay to be who I am and let that shine through the clothes I put on my body.
- Old choices are in the past and I can let them go without guilt.
by Heather Plett | Jul 27, 2010 | journey
in my rearview mirror
It occured to me yesterday that my bike ride home is a pretty good metaphor for the journey we all take in our lives.
I can choose the fast track that zooms along one of the busiest streets in the city, where I have to dodge cars driven by impatient commuters trying to rush home to cook supper for their kids, cross a busy freeway where I usually have to compete with a city bus or two (full of more impatient commuters), and risk getting squeezed to the curb on a couple of bridges that are too narrow to accomodate both cars and bikes (and we all know who wins THAT tussle).
I can choose the slow zone where I meander along an out-of-the-way river pathway, cut through a park with a fountain and lots of curious squirrels, weave through various side streets that lead me on an indirect path with lots of stop signs, and duck under the freeway on a small shadowy graffiti-covered bike tunnel.
Or I can choose the mixed bag which takes me halfway home along the busy thoroughfare, and then – just when I’ve had enough of the crushing, rushing traffic – juts off into the residential area, past a golf course, and through the tunnel to my own suburban neighbourhood.
Last summer, feeling tender and vulnerable and in need of the healing energy of the river, trees, and silence, I mostly chose the slow zone.
Only occasionally, when I am feeling particularly “don’t-mess-with-me” powerful (sometimes after I’ve kicked some proverbial butt at work) do I take the fast track all the way home. When I do, I arrive home with an adrenalin rush that’s exciting but a little unsettling.
This summer, with a healthy mix of tender and strong going on, I’ve mostly been choosing the mixed bag. I enjoy the rush and challenge of the fast moving traffic that pushes me to be alert, strong and fast, but then I usually need the quiet and the trees to help me wind down and feel more relaxed when I get home to my family.
Which lane are you in these days?
by Heather Plett | Jul 26, 2010 | Beauty, body, journey
See this overweight, big-butted, 44 year old woman? She has become a RUNNER!
It’s true. It’s never too late to teach an old dog new tricks. A couple of months ago, I bought a fancy new pair of shoes (that fit my orthotic insoles), checked out this Learn to Run program (thanks to Jamie for the link), and started running. And… surprise, surprise… I love it!
I mostly just run on the weekends (during the week I ride my beloved bike to work – for a total of 22 km/day) and when on vacation (I can tell you a great running path in Maple Grove, Minnesota), so I’m taking my own meandering journey through the learn to run progam. As of this weekend, though, I’m able to run for 4 minutes, walk for 1 and then repeat it four times for a total of 20 minutes of running time. Woot!
As you probably know if you’ve been following this blog for awhile, I had breast reduction surgery back in March. One of the reasons I’ve never run before is that… well… how do I say this? Flopping sucks. As does the sore back from carrying that excess weight. And… have you ever tried to find a sports bra in a double H? Nope, you won’t find one of those on the racks at Target. It seems bra manufacturers rightfully assume that few people with boobs that big will have “sports” in their vocabulary.
With everything else that’s been going on in my life since then, I haven’t talked much about my post-surgery thoughts. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel when I finally made the agonizing decision to go through with it. Would it feel like I’d betrayed my body? Would I feel like a bit of a fraud, especially since I’m not really fond of the plastic surgery trend in North America these days?
Well, let me tell you, there have been NO REGRETS! I feel great! My body is far from perfect, but it finally feels like it is in balance!
I’ve had several people tell me that my posture has improved, and I know that it’s true. My back feels stronger and less weighed down. The bra strap indents in my shoulders are disappearing. Plus there’s the psychological side – I think I was probably hunching my shoulders partly because I felt some self-conscious need to draw less attention to my breasts.
And then there’s the running. I’ve had a bit of a yearning to try running for quite awhile. Being a wanderer at heart, I’m always happiest when my chosen form of exercise includes the opportunity to see things and meander through the neighbourhood. Cycling’s good, but the truth is, I can be a pretty lazy cyclist when I want to be. I wanted to push myself a little harder, sweat a little more, so it was time to try running.
Well, who knew that I’d enjoy it so much? This weekend I even found myself thinking “I need to figure out what equipment/clothing I need to get in order to do this in the winter.” (Time will tell if the love affair lasts through the brutal winters we get.)
I haven’t lost any significant amount of weight since I started running, but the beautiful thing is, I don’t care! Really, I don’t! I’m learning to love this big ol’ body in new ways, I’m finding clothes that fit my new curves, and I feel healthy and strong.
When I dragged my daughter outside yesterday morning to take a post-running photo, it was with the thought that I would post it in a “look at me, not ashamed of showing myself at my worst – in all my red-faced sweaty glory” attitude. (The pictures really don’t do it justice – my face turns BEET red when I exert myself. And MAN do I sweat!)
But then I looked at the close-up and thought “Wow! I look so alive!”
by Heather Plett | Jul 22, 2010 | Uncategorized
The internet is like a candy shop for me. There are SO many interesting people to meet and ideas to explore. When it comes to the places I visit most regularly, though, it’s almost always about the people. I’m drawn to new sites/blogs if I feel drawn to the people behind them.
Here are a few of the people who’ve caught my fancy recently:
1. My sister Cynthia, a talented photographer who inspires me with her capacity for artistic captures, has started a new project she’s calling 100 Conversations. She’s approaching 100 strangers and asking their permission to photograph them. In the process, she’s having delightful conversations with them that alternately make me giggle and bring tears to my eyes. I only found out about her little secret last night (even though I was at the Folk Fest with her where she took a good portion of the photos she’s taken so far – she’s sneaky that way), and couldn’t stop until I’d seen every picture and read every word. It’s beautiful.
- Me & Katharine
2. Standing in the lunch line on one of the first days at ALIA, I started chatting with Katherine Weinmann and within minutes we knew that we were kindred spirits. After that first meeting, we bonded over meals, in the hallways, along the wooded paths, and on the dance floor. When we left for home, she gave me a wonderful, heartfelt gift – a children’s crown, accompanied by her beautiful words “I see the queen in you”. She’s on a sabbatical right now and has started a new blog to talk about the personal journey she’s on.
3. Speaking of kindred spirits, I haven’t met Julie Daley (yet), but I’m pretty sure we’ll bond pretty quickly if/when we do meet. I first connected with her on Twitter and since then her blog has become one of my favourite places for wise, soulful writing about what it means to be wholly, beautifully female. Her words make me feel like I have come home.
4. I met so many inspirational people at ALIA, I couldn’t begin to list them all. But one that’s definitely worth mentioning is Thomas Arthur, a contemplative juggler/photographer with the heart of a poet/mystic (or perhaps it’s the other way around). His evening performance (a combination of juggling, speaking, and film) was one of the most moving things I’ve seen in a long time. And one of my favourite fun moments at ALIA was the evening on the dance floor when he taught us how to group juggle. He’s got an intriguing new project on the go, called earthanima – a beautiful, whimsical look at the way the earth speaks to us.
5. Mihirini De Zoysa is one of those people you almost can’t resist looking at, partly because of her stunningly beautiful eyes and smile, but mostly because she has such an open compassionate face you just know that you will feel safe in her presence. She’s another one of the people I bonded with at ALIA, though we didn’t get to spend as much time together as I would have liked. She lives in Sri Lanka and she has recently started a new project there called “I Can” in which she and others are inspiring kids in schools to be change-makers in their communities. She wrote about it here. Some day I’d like to visit her in Sri Lanka and hear more of the hopeful stories coming out of this inspiring project.
- Kathy (on the right)
6. Last but not least in my “people who inspired me at ALIA” list is Kathy Jourdain. She was one of my companions in the Leader as Shambhala Warrior workshop, and together we worked through some pretty big stuff – like fear and resistance – especially when we found out we each had to write a blues song. I would have loved to have had more opportunity to hear Kathy’s fascinating life story – she found out she was adopted at the age of 46 (she found out through Facebook! There’s a new take on how social media impacts our lives!), and has worked through divorce and some other fairly significant obstacles – but since our time for story-sharing was limited, I’m now catching up on some of her stories on her blog.
Who’s inspiring you these days?
by Heather Plett | Jul 21, 2010 | Uncategorized
me, curious about what it's like to receive a Hindu blessing
In my humble opinion, curiousity didn’t kill the cat. Nope… I think it gave him a few of those nine lives! I think it completely rejuvenated that poor dying cat and gave him a reason to live!
I don’t remember who said it, but somebody at ALIA last month gave voice to one of my deepest beliefs. “Curiousity is one of your best assets.” Amen!
Maddie, my eight year old daughter, is one of my greatest teachers when it comes to curiousity. One of her favourite ways to start a sentence is “Can you imagine if…” That phrase is always followed by some outlandish thing she’s been imagining – like “Can you imagine if you had to eat nothing but grass for a year?” or “Can you imagine if you grew an extra head and both of your mouths always wanted to speak at the same time?”
She also likes to play “Would you rather…?” As in “Would you rather walk through a dark forest full of bears, or swim through an ocean full of sharks?” (Honestly – I can’t come up with ones that are quite as imaginative as hers.)
Where would we be in this world if nobody had entertained their curiousity about “What would happen if I stuck this hunk of meat in the fire instead of eating it raw?” Or “I wonder whether it might be possible to talk to someone far away from me if I used the right wires and sound pieces?” Or “If this piece of wood can float, maybe I could build something from wood that would be big enough to hold people and we could float across the river in it.” Or “What if I started writing a journal on the internet and shared it with whomever wanted to visit?”
I’m curious about a lot of things. Sometimes that curiousity is insatiable. It’s even got this tendency to take over my life on occasion. Sometimes I can barely sleep until I follow my curiousity to wherever it leads.
I want to know how people live in India or Africa, and so I travel there. While I’m there, I find myself dying to know about the stories people carry with them, and so I ask. I want to know how it feels to float down from the sky, and so I go skydiving. I want to know what it’s like to paint a picture, and so I take art classes. I want to know SO many things!
I’m planning to follow my curiousity until the day I find out the answer to “I wonder what it feels like to breathe my last breath.”
Summer seems like the perfect time to follow your curiousity. You’ve heard of “artist’s dates” (made popular by Julia Cameron). Well, today let me suggest an alternative (or companion – you decide). Take yourself on a “curiousity date”.
What are you curious about today? The art work you spotted on a random wall in a back alley you cycled down? The way it feels to sit in a bubbling stream with the water flowing over your shoulders? How long you can sit in meditative silence in the middle of a busy sidewalk? What it would feel like to leave random love notes taped to the bus stop window? How many people would hug you if you held up a “Free Hugs” sign in the subway station?
Tell me what you’re curious about in the comments and then… GO! Find out! Step away from your keyboard, grab your bus pass, your car keys, or (my personal preference) your bicycle, your camera, your journal, your “Free Hugs” sign – whatever you need – and follow your curiousity!
And then tell us about it, in case we’re curious about the same things.
As for me, I think I might just let an eight year old (or her older sisters, who still have wonderful moments of curiousity tucked in between the longer moments of acting like cool teenagers) direct me to whatever SHE’S curious about.
me, grinning like the proverbial cat upon receipt of that blessing
