by Heather Plett | Jun 17, 2010 | art, beginnings, change, Creativity, fearless, journey, Leadership
I don’t remember the question that we were supposed to discuss at our table group, but I remember where it lead us. One of the women at the table was the newly appointed head of a women’s program at a university. She was wrestling with where she needed to lead the organization after the departure of its founder.
She’d had an a-ha moment that week and had come to realize that what was ironically missing in the program was a truly feminine approach to leadership. It was modeled too closely after traditionally masculine styles and needed to evolve into something new. I think it was during our conversation that she had the even deeper realization that she had, in fact, been hired because her background in engineering made her well skilled at thinking like a man.
What she said touched me in a place so deep I didn’t even know it needed touching. “Yes!” I said. “YES! That is a systemic problem! I see it everywhere! It’s the major flaw of the feminist movement – that it poured so much of its energy into getting us access into men’s role and teaching us to adopt men’s wisdom and leadership styles that it forgot about what it SHOULD have put energy into – raising the value of women’s voices, women’s roles, and women’s wisdom and leadership styles.”
Spilling out beneath my words were so many memories of the times I’d tried to introduce things like “feeling checks” into staff meetings, or clay molding into annual visioning exercises – the many times I’d intuitively felt compelled to introduce a more feminine style of leadership. BUT almost all of those times I’d been met with so much resistance that I’d simply given up and fallen back on old models. Oh, I could write a book about the times when I let the fear hold me back from what had always come so naturally. Too many times I saw those things dismissed as frivolous, or “just a silly girl’s ideas”.
During the course of our conversation, something rather magical happened. I don’t think I realized just how magical it was until it was done. There were markers at our table and a paper tablecloth. As I so often do when I’m sitting in a meeting, I picked up a marker and started to doodle. The man at the table asked “can I add something to your art work?” and I said “oh certainly!” And then, with a gesture, I invited our other two tablemates to join in the fun.
It seemed innocent enough, but it was transformational. Soon, we were all animated and energized in both our conversation and our art-making. Each of us added our unique flare to the tablecloth and each of us built on something the other had done. At one point – though I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it – the man at the table tried to put a square black border around the area where we were making art. Something bubbled up from within me and I resisted, scribbling all over his border as he drew. The other women joined and soon we had spilled over the border into every direction. Defeated, but with a good sense of humour, the man happily added to the “outside the box” art. (To be fair, at another point, I ruined a sun that the man was trying to create by prematurely drawing a line around it.)
By the end of the discussion, we’d filled the whole tablecloth with art, and we’d helped the leader of the woman’s program realize some of the steps she’d need to take when she got home. On top of that, I think each of us at the table had a unique a-ha moment that emerged from both the art and the conversation.
Mine didn’t fully evolve until later. I knew that something significant had happened, but I didn’t at that point know just HOW significant. Some day I think I will look back at that collective doodle art and remember that it represents the moment my life changed.
Because, my dear friends, that moment was the culmination of so much wrestling, so much thinking, so much struggle to find my focus, my truth, my place of belonging. Remember the necklace metaphor – how it wasn’t the struggling that untangled the necklace but the slipping from my hands and dropping to the floor? Well I think that moment was the “dropping to the floor and untangling my truth.”
What am I talking about? I’m talking about THE VERY THING that I’ve been grasping for. For years now I’ve known that my greatest energy comes from sharing wisdom – through facilitating workshops, writing, public speaking, etc. – about the things I’ve learned about creativity and leadership. I’ve known that somewhere in all of that lay the nugget that would lead me into the next phase of my vocation. Only… I couldn’t seem to find the right shaped nugget to fit me. It all seemed too general, too vague – too unfocused. I thought I found a few times, but it never felt quite right.
And now, after a week at ALIA, and especially a remarkable moment of doodling, I have clarity that I’ve never had before. The purpose that is evolving for me is TO TRANSFORM LEADERSHIP THROUGH FEMININE WISDOM! There it is! Bringing more creativity, compassion, art, soul, and holistic truth to leadership. AND helping those people who think their feminine passions and gifts – art, spirituality, motherhood, body wisdom – do not make them qualified for leadership recognize that the world needs them to help in its transformation.
It’s simple and yet it makes so much sense. Look around you – wars, oil spills, climate change, oppression – isn’t it clear that we have a leadership crisis on our hands? Isn’t it clear that the old models aren’t working anymore? It’s time for a new model and I believe that new model includes a much bigger space for feminine wisdom. I’m not saying that all the male leaders need to be replaced by women – I’m simply saying that both men AND women need to learn to trust their feminine wisdom more.
It’s an idea as old as the Bible, and yet as often forgotten and marginalized as so many other truths in the Bible. Sophia. Wisdom. FEMININE wisdom. It’s what Solomon wrote so many sonnets about. It’s the feminine wisdom of God.
THAT is the power I’ve been called to stand in, the wisdom I’ve been called to share. It’s time to get busy sharing it!
How will this evolve? I’m not quite sure, but I am excited. I know this… I am not really “fumbling for words” anymore. This is something new and it will need a new space. Maybe it’s “leading with your paint clothes on” or maybe it’s “sophia leadership” or maybe it’s something else I haven’t thought of, but I’ll be spending the summer thinking about it and hopefully by September something will have emerged.
Hang on for the ride, because it will most definitely be colourful and exciting!
by Heather Plett | Jun 15, 2010 | fearless, journey
We might think that knowing ourselves is a very ego-centered thing, but by beginning to look so clearly and so honestly at ourselves—at our emotions, at our thoughts, at who we really are—we begin to dissolve the walls that separate us from others. Somehow all of these walls, these ways of feeling separate from everything else and everyone else, are made up of opinions. They are made up of dogma; they are made of prejudice. These walls come from our fear of knowing parts of ourselves. – Pema Chodron
A couple of days before leaving for ALIA, I had a “dark night of the soul”. I had just facilitated a full day visioning/strategic planning exercise with my local staff and I walked away feeling completely depleted. I had put together what I thought was a great day of connecting, creating, and visioning, that included a nice mix of body, mind, and soul. We did some body movement stuff, played with clay and scissors and paper, had a great lunch together, and did some good ol’ fashioned brainstorming.
It went relatively well, but some time in the mid afternoon, this enormous sense of failure washed over me. It wasn’t anything specific that happened, or anything anyone said, it was just this really heavy, dark presence in the room – my own gremlins, I suppose – telling me “This isn’t working. You’re losing people. You’re not accomplishing anything with all your creative ideas and gobbledy gook. They want to see RESULTS. GOALS. ACTIONS PLANS. You should have stuck with a neat and tidy strategic plan in square boxes on a spreadsheet.”
That night, I was feeling wounded and depleted, but I didn’t do the wise thing and just spend time in soulcare. I started out that way, and thought I was doing okay, but I wasn’t really listening to the signs well enough. Against my better judgement, I did some reading I shouldn’t have – reading about how to dream big, bust out, and be a firestarter. Oh what foolish timing. It resulted in an all-out panic attack. “I can’t do this. I’m not a leader. I’m a fraud. I don’t have enough focus. My creativity is pointless. My ideas are shitty. I should just stick to the easy stuff where the risk of failure is so much less.”
And then it moved from there to “What the hell am I doing flying halfway across the country to spend a week at an Authentic Leadership institute? I’m not a good leader and I don’t deserve it and I’m wasting my organization’s money and I won’t fit in there and nobody will want to have me as part of their group because I won’t have any wisdom to share. I should give up on this leadership thing, because almost all of the people I lead would happily tell you I suck at leadership and should have become a mechanic instead. Except that I wouldn’t make a good mechanic either, ’cause I’m pretty pathetic at everything I try.” You know where these things go, right? You’ve been there too, right? PLEASE tell me you have… just humour me and play along so I won’t feel so much like a neurotic weakling.
Because I knew she would hold my fear gently, I sent a panicy pain-filled email to my dear friend Christine, and she did exactly what I expected her to do – exactly what I would have done if I’d received the same kind of email. She said, (I paraphrase) “take a deep breath. You KNOW that you are in the right place, doing the right thing and ALIA is EXACTLY where you need to be. And remember… it is no big surprise that you’re going through all kinds of whacked out emotions and fears, given the fact that you are still healing from the river of pain you’ve waded through this Spring.”
And, of course, even before I got her response, I started feeling better. Just putting those fears in writing and trusting them to a friend shrunk them into a manageable size. She was right, and when I took a deep breath, I knew that all was well with the world.
It didn’t take long after arriving at ALIA that I found myself in tears – but this time for a different reason. This time it was because my whole body knew that I was in the right place. Not only that, but all of the things I had been learning, all of the things I’d been writing about, all of the things I had been leading my team through on that visioning session were the RIGHT THINGS. Here I was surrrounded by people who were trying and tripping and dreaming and creating and sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing at the very same things I was trying to do as a leader.
A few days into ALIA, I was in my module on Leader as Shambhala Warrior and we were talking about fear. Meg Wheatley led us through an exercise in which we sat facing another person, and for 5 minutes, one person would ask the other person “what are you afraid of?” When the other person answered, the first person would say “Thank you. What are you afraid of?” In doing this, we dug deeper and deeper into our real fears.
At first, I said the expected things. I was scared of failing, scared of hurting people, scared of not being a good enough mother. But then some surprising things started to come up. “I am afraid that I will never again get the chance to feel the freedom I felt when I jumped out of an airplane.” “Thank you. What are you afraid of?” “I am afraid that I won’t be able to teach people what it feels like to have that kind of freedom.” And then, just before the five minutes was up, “I am afraid of my own power.”
And there it is, the bottom line. I am afraid to be powerful. I am afraid to step into the power that the Creator has available to me. I am afraid to serve goodness and justice and beauty and wisdom in the bold and powerful way that I might be called toward. As Pema Chodron so wisely says, I am afraid of knowing parts of myself. Because then more will be required of me.
“Thank you. What are YOU afraid of?”
by Heather Plett | Jun 14, 2010 | change, journey, Leadership, travel
My head, heart and body are full of the memories of last week at ALIA. I have been changed.
I have been transformed by the many people who brought their vulnerability, their longings, their spirits, their truths, their hurts, and their gifts from all over the world to a common space in Halifax where all of us dreamed together of what the world could be like if we would put our heads/hearts/bodies together and work for transformation. I have sat with people from Sri Lanka, Brazil, Czech Republic, Chile, Poland, California, Alaska, Holland, Denmark, Ohio, Zimbabwe, and many places in between, holding space for beauty, wisdom, and goodness. I have moved my body with greater freedom than I have for a long, long time. I have sat quietly and listened to the wisdom of the earth. I have shed tears over the fears that have blocked me. I have stretched myself and delighted in the stretching of those around me. I have been comforted, inspired, encouraged, and changed.
It will take me weeks to fully distill all of what last week was for me. It will take even longer to let the changes and wisdom sink fully into my being. These things I know for sure: I felt like I was coming home, and I knew I had found “my people”.
There are lots of posts to be written and many conversations to be had, but none of that needs to happen quickly. For now, I am mostly just sitting with it and letting it seep into the deepest parts of me.
For now, while words feel inadequate, I am playing with images. Last night I put together this simple video of photos I took during the week. The words come directly from my journal – notes I took from workshops, presentations, and conversations.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nPAuZwW6cw]
Photos are available here.
by Heather Plett | Jun 3, 2010 | beginnings, journey, Leadership
I am excited beyond words about the trip I will take to Halifax next week to attend Authentic Leadership in Action. I have been to a lot of conferences, retreats, and workshops before – some good, some bad, and some indifferent. This one, in addition to the fact that it feels like conference/retreat/workshop all beautifully intertwined into one entity, feels like it just might have the capacity to blow the lid off “good” and plop itself comfortably into the rare category of “very good”.
I know it’s not right to judge a book by its cover (or count your chickens before they’re hatched), but there is something about this one that feels uniquely like “going home”. All of those other conferences/workshops/retreats felt like they intersected with one part of my brain or responded to one part of my “professional development plan”, but this one… well, it feels like it’s something new. Something that’s willing to spread its arms out to me and wrap every part of me – body, mind, and soul – into a comfortable embrace.
How do I know this already? Well, for starters, they speak my language. They talk about things that matter deeply to me – leadership, transformation, authenticity, compassion, justice, and creativity. For another thing, they don’t just TALK about these things, they embody them. Imagine going to a leadership conference that starts every day with mindfulness meditation? Or one that offers a sea-kayaking trip as an option? Or one that includes art and theatre and aikido?
It’s brilliant, and it makes SO MUCH SENSE, but it’s OH SO RARE. There are still so few conference organizers who have figured out that they should do anything more than offer you a bunch of academic talking heads (with perhaps a networking event or two thrown in for good measure).
I am excited, but you want to know a little secret? I’m nervous. Even a little bit scared. It’s not that I’m worried I won’t enjoy it – it’s just that I’m pretty sure that it will challenge me, shake me up, and call me to something BIGGER.
Recently I talked about the Pheonix Process that Elizabeth Lesser describes in Broken Open. Well, the little person inside of me – my scared little ego – is terrified that this conference is going to call me to BLAST OUT of the flame, with my colourful wings flashing toward the sky and RISE UP into something new. Something bigger. And something freakin’ scary.
I don’t know what that is yet. And here’s the bottom line. Here’s the little question that keeps niggling at me.
Am I worthy?
Am I really worthy of a bigger calling? Am I really ready to do something more bold? Am I willing to give up things (and possibly relationships) and risk the life I have for something scary and unsure? Am I willing to be authentic to my calling, make myself vulnerable, open myself up to the world, and then take the slings and arrows that will probably come with that?
What if I AM called to that, and people think I’m showing off? What if I stumble and fail and people say “well, if you didn’t think you were such a big shot and you’d just stuck with the old wings that were perfectly serviceable without being all flashy, maybe you wouldn’t have come crashing to the ground?” What if the naysayers say “well, we never thought you were that bright to begin with, and now you’re just making a food of yourself?”
Like Pema Chodron says (in The Places that Scare You), it all boils down to fear. Fear of who we are. Fear of what we’ve been called to become. Fear of what people will say of us.
Last year, I made a video about fear. Some of you will remember it. I think it’s time to watch it again. I think it’s time to add a new chapter.
“When I am fearless, I will believe that I am worthy of what the Creator is calling me toward.”
(Oh, this is a little bit freaky… I just realized that the kite that my daughters are flying toward the end, where it says “I will soar…” looks like a Phoenix!)
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_vLDSJnNh8]
by Heather Plett | May 31, 2010 | journey, travel
Recently, Jamie Ridler expressed a desire to become a more confident traveler. And my little brain went “Bing! Now THERE’S some advice I can offer!”
I’ve been on an average of 6 business trips per year for the last dozen years – some short and some long. On business, I’ve been all over Canada, into the US a few times, to Kenya, Tanzania, Ethiopia, India, Bangladesh, and Rome. Plus I’ve backpacked around Europe, traveled to Mexico, and did lots of road trips with the family all over North America. I’ve taken planes, trains, automobiles, boats, rickshaws, bicycles – you name it – all over the world. When I traveled to Ethiopia, India, and Bangladesh, I was responsible for all of the (complicated) logistics and management of a film crew. So I guess you could say I’ve learned a thing or two about travel.
- To increase your confidence, before you leave, prepare a little travel notebook (or file folder) where you keep all of the phone numbers, addresses, back-up phone numbers, etc. of all of the people you need to meet, all of the places you’ll be staying, the airlines, etc. You never know when you’ll need to reach someone in a panic and you’ll be glad you have it all in one place. Plus if you have it in a notebook, you can add any new information you need as you travel, like – for example – the phone number of the nice cab driver who delivered you to your hotel.
- Do the research you need ahead of time to increase your confidence. Now that the internet makes it so easy, I’ve become fairly masterful at taking public transit in strange cities. Print out transit maps, find out where the nearest subway stop is to where you’re staying, find phone numbers for taxis, etc. Some airports and/or transit systems even tell you how to get from your gate to where you need to be to get transportation to your hotel. Remember: information is power – the more you know ahead of time, the less you’ll have to worry when you get there. (It’s also good to find out ahead of time what you can take onboard the plane. Your airline will have that information on its website. With security changing so often these days, you have to stay on top of the new rules.)
- Speaking of transportation, I highly recommend learning how to use public transit in the place where you’re going. It’s cheaper, often more efficient, more interesting, and you get a much better flavour for the city you’re staying in. When I was in Dallas, I found out there was a vintage trolley car that would take me to the conference centre every day for free (or next to it). It was so much fun and I met the most fascinating trolley car enthusiasts who were volunteer drivers and conductors.
- When it comes to things you feel uncomfortable with, though, take baby steps. Like public transit, for example. For the first trip, take a taxi almost everywhere, but make up your mind to take at least one subway ride. You don’t have to figure it all out at once and nobody will fault you for taking the easiest way.
- One of my favourite pieces of advice – skip the ‘big box hotels’! You know what I’m talking about – the ones lined up in a strip by the airport with about as much character as a MacDonald’s Happy Meal. Check out http://www.bedandbreakfast.com/. I have stayed in some of the most amazing apartments, old inns, character homes, etc. through bedandbreakfast.com. If you’re not thrilled about sharing a bathroom (and truthfully, it’s really not a big deal – people who tend to stay in B&B’s are usually pretty respectful, polite & clean), a lot of them have private washrooms, so don’t let that stop you. Be sure to check the comments and ratings because I’ve found them to be very accurate. The only time I was disappointed with my stay was the one time I ignored the negative comments and took a chance.
- Find people who genuinely know their city/neighbourhood and ask their advice about great restaurants, where it’s safe to walk, how to catch public transit in the area, etc. One of the best things about booking through bedandbreakfast.com is that most of these places are owned by people who truly care about their homes and about hosting people. Over breakfast, ask them about their favourite local haunts – the hole-in-the-wall restaurant no tourist would set foot in – and you will find the BEST local culture. (Twitter has also become a good resource for this – when I was headed to Chicago, I asked people about what things I shouldn’t miss in the city.)
- Bring a little comfort with you. I always travel with a portable candle (in a tin cup with a lid) and lighter in my toiletries bag. Sometimes it’s the best way to relax in the evening after a harried trip. Plus I usually travel with a light weight silk shawl that’s wonderful to wrap around my shoulders when I get a little cool and/or sleepy on the plane. And when you’re dealing with jet lag, one of your best friends may be your mp3 player – at least if you’re lying in a bed in Bangladesh in the middle of the night trying to sleep while geckos are having a conversation on your wall.
- Pack light. I made a few mistakes early on and packed way more than I needed, but now I just bring the bare essentials. You never know when your flight might be delayed and you have to run from one gate to the next. When you’ve got nothing more than a small roller bag and a backpack, you’ll be thanking me for the advice. Plus it’s a lot easier to take public transit when you’re not overloaded. I spent three weeks in Africa with a suitcase that was small enough to be a carry-on bag and I didn’t miss anything – trust me, it can be done.
- Trust people. This is a biggy. I’m not saying you should be naive and let some strange man take you home in his car (you still have to use your discretion about who’s trustworthy and who’s not), but almost every single time I decided to trust the person who was willing to take me under his/her wing and help me navigate their city turned out to be a good thing. I have only once gotten scammed by a person (and really, it was pretty harmless – he just got a little more money out of me than I should have parted with for helping me get to the market in Addis Ababa, but I was never in any danger), and on the flip side, have had some truly exceptional experiences when I’ve chosen to trust. One of my favourite travel moments was when a family in Ethiopia felt sorry for me dining alone and invited me to eat at their table. They ended up taking me out on the town to see some great Ethiopian performers.
- But even when you don’t find friendly local families, you can still have a great time alone. When I first started solo business travel, I’d order room service instead of eating alone in a restaurant. That got old pretty quickly, and I really wanted to experience more interesting food and surroundings. The first few times felt a little awkward, but now I take great pleasure in savouring a good meal alone in an interesting restaurant. If you’re uncomfortable at first, bring along a magazine, a book, or your journal to fill the time while you wait for your food, but don’t miss the opportunity to people watch and listen in on a few conversations.
- No matter how well you plan, now and then, things will fall apart. The best you can do is learn to roll with it. Sometimes the best surprises come when your plans fall apart. I flew to the other side of the world with a film crew minus a videographer (he’d jammed out at the last minute), and without a film permit or visas for India. I had to hire local videographers in both India and Bangladesh AND hope that the Indian consulate in Bangladesh would treat me better than the one in Canada had. In the end, I hired the most amazing videographers (who are both now my Facebook friends) with all kinds of local knowledge I wouldn’t have had otherwise, and my hosts helped us navigate the consulate and everything fell into place beautifully.
- To make your travel more interesting, be open to new experiences and new people. Chat with cab drivers – I’ve heard some of the most fascinating stories from them. Go for walks around the neighbourhood you’re staying in. Be an explorer! Some of the best treasures I have found have just been discovered by wandering aimlessly through a city.
Is there anything I missed that you’re dying to know? Or other tips you’d like to share?
by Heather Plett | May 27, 2010 | journey
It may sound boring, but sometimes “contentment” is the most powerful feeling in the world. Today I had the happy realization that I am content.
- I’m not restless about the future as I so often am.
- I’m pretty relaxed about letting life unfold the way it should instead of rushing into the “next big thing”.
- Considering what we’ve been through this Spring, my family is all happy and (mostly) healthy.
- After some rough spots on the path, Marcel and I have a stronger marriage than ever. We’ve both worked through some issues with a happy result.
- I have some very good relationships with my staff at work and a little investment is making them even better.
- For those times when the relationships are not-so-good, I have more courage to confront what I need to confront, and that feels good.
- I’m feeling much better about my body than I have in a long time.
- I’m loving my bike rides to and from work – they’re like a combination exercise/meditation practice at the beginning and end of my work day.
- I have an amazing week of learning, inspiration, meditation, and meeting cool people coming up at ALIA.
- I get to go sea kayaking in Nova Scotia soon. SO excited!
- There are also holidays and camping trips and beach days and barbecues to look forward to.
- I feel that I am in the space I am meant to be at the moment, and when it’s time to change, I have a sense that I will be ready for it.
I just finished reading Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser and I can’t imagine a better book to have shown up in my life at this time. It’s about how difficult times in our lives can help us grow if we allow them to. She talks alot about the “Phoenix Process”, where we have to submit ourselves to the flame in order to eventually rise out of it a transformed being. I think I’ve been through the Phoenix Process in the last year and the flame has finally subsided.
It feels so good to be able to say “Life is Good!”
Now for the part where I rise – colourful, triumpant, and transformed – from the flame… wait for it… ’cause it’s gonna be good!
