While I was trying to untangle a knot in a string Maddie brought me, she said, “Look on the bright side Mom.” “And what, my dear, IS the bright side?” I asked. “If you can’t do it, Daddy will be able to. ‘Cause he’s stronger than you.”
And then, because I’m stubborn like that, I persevered and untangled the knot. ‘Cause honey, comparing me to Daddy hardly brings out the bright side in me!
I think I may need to build an office in the graveyard. Not just any graveyard – the graveyard where my son is buried.
Whenever I need a little peace and quiet, and perhaps some clarity of thought, I visit his grave. It’s become a bit of a ritual. I often take my journal along, and jot down some of the thoughts wandering around my mind. In the past, when I’ve had a public speaking engagement, I’ve gone there to put the finishing touches on my talk, or even practice.
Lately, I’ve had a bit of a semi-regular writing gig for a daily inspiration type of magazine. I’ve written 6 short pieces for it, and 4 out of the six have been written at the graveyard. Today I went there for about half an hour and wrote 2 of them. I’m not sure what it is, but when I sit by his grave, my creative thoughts seem to tumble out in perfect order. The ideas come as if from thin air, and I rarely have to edit.
I think my muse likes to hang out in the graveyard because there are so many stories there to keep it company.
Customer Service? Does ANYONE know what that means anymore? (Yes, I AM aware that I’m sounding like a grumpy ninety-year-old.)
1. I have been trying ALL DAY (since about 9:00 this morning) to get through to the federal government’s 1-800 number for the child tax benefit (’cause I’m an idiot and forgot to apply for it back when Maddie was born FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AGO). All day I’ve heard that annoying “beep, beep, beep” which means that either everyone else in Canada is desperate to know when their child tax benefit cheque is arriving (so that they can spend it on beer and popcorn, according to one of our classy politicians), OR everyone at the office is lying on a beach somewhere, with their phone receivers lying abandoned on their desks. And THAT’S what they get the big government bucks for. (Yes, I can say that now, since I’m no longer a government employee.)
2. I went to MTS (the local phone company) at lunch time to make some changes to our account, and the customer service agent behind the desk led me to a little kiosk, handed me the phone receiver, quick-dialed the number for me and said “you’ll have to talk to our customer service agent for that”. Huh? Did I miss something? You have a whole store in the mall just so you can send me to a phone to make the call myself? What are all those fancy computers behind your desk for – SOLITAIRE? To add insult to injury, I was put on hold for 10 minutes. So I sat in this stupid little kiosk while Mr. Customer Service Agent played Solitaire (or something like that). Gee thanks Mister. Why don’t you just go join all those other customer service representatives at the beach?
I think I’ll take this blogger up on his challenge. It’s a good one.
Anyone have their eye on any of my stuff? Let me know and I’ll see if I have the guts to give it up.
I arrived at work late this morning, and just before I dashed over to the meeting I had to attend at the hotel next door, I glanced down at my shirt. There it was – the telltale sign of sadness. Snot on my shoulder. Little four-year-old snot from a sad little girl who cried on my shoulder while I tried to pry myself away and make it to my bus on time.
She’s sad these days, my normally cheery little extroverted video-producer. She’s sad because for the first time in her life, she has to spend her days away from her buddy, Daddy. Yesterday, I got a call that her tummy hurt and she was crying. Turns out, she was missing us. She cried several times last night, and then again this morning. It was horrible leaving her there this morning. I had to fight the tears as I rode the bus downtown.
It’s caught us by surprise. She was so excited about daycare. The first few days, she was having so much fun being surrounded by new friends every day. But now the novelty has worn off, and she doesn’t want to go anymore. “I have an idea,” she said plaintively, “maybe I can go to Taylor and Noah’s house.” Nope, honey, that doesn’t really work. “Well, then maybe Auntie Cyndi could look after me.” Nope, I’m afraid not. You’ll just have to try to be brave and get used to going to daycare.
I know this will get easier, but right now my heart is breaking.
This is what happens when a four-year-old learns to use a video camera.
Videography: Maddie
Direction: Maddie
Camera-person: Maddie
Script: Maddie
Starring: Maddie
Songwriting: Maddie