by Heather Plett | Nov 2, 2009 | Uncategorized
I’m not one to ask for directions very easily, but I do rely heavily on maps. I like to figure out my own way of getting places, and don’t really like admitting when I’m lost. Every once in awhile, though, the road maps have their limitations and the only thing we can do is turn to someone who has prior knowledge of the area to point the way. One way or another, I find some wisdom to help find my destination.
When it comes to parenting right now, it feels like we have neither road-maps nor wise advisors. So much is changing so quickly in our world that there really aren’t any more experienced parents who’ve dealt with many of the issues we’re dealing with. I was a farm girl raised without a television, and now I’m raising city kids in an era in which they have more Facebook friends than were resident in my small town. When I was in high school, to do a computer exercise, you filled out a stack of cards with pencil marks in little circles. (Yes, I really am that old.) The output came in the form of a mile-long paper printout that took 30 minutes to print. Now my kids can take pictures with a computer they hold on their laps and put together elaborate videos and post them for all the world to see. When I was growing up on the farm, we had one phone in the house and we were on a party line. If a neighbour was on the phone, we had to wait our turn. Now my kids can not only send text messages instantly to their friends from the car, the mall, or wherever they are, but they can take pictures of themselves and share those in an instant.
When it comes to areas of faith, it’s not much different. One might say “well, just go to the ancient texts (ie. the Bible, for those of us who are Christian) – they are timeless road maps for all of life, including parenting.” But the problem with that is that the way of interpreting the Bible that my parents used isn’t entirely relevant for me anymore either.
This weekend, I heard Phyllis Tickle talk about The Great Emergence. She believes that every 500 years or so, culture goes through a huge shift, where very little that we believed in the past is relevant anymore. It starts with a shift in science, and with that comes a shift in the way that we approach faith. The last shift was the Reformation, nearly 500 years ago. First it was a discovery that the world was not flat, and then came a realization that if the world is not flat, then heaven and hell cannot be as clearly delineated as “above” and “below”. And if the world is not flat, then perhaps there are other things scientists have not been telling us. Perhaps that means there are things that our spiritual leaders have not been telling us either, so maybe it’s time to educate ourselves in scripture rather than rely on the church’s interpretation. That led to massive growth in the numbers of people who were learning to read, primarily because Luther and his cohorts introduced the idea of turning to scripture as the authority rather than the church. (I realize I’m talking primarily about Christianity, but Tickle suggests that these 500 year shifts are also apparent in Judaism and Islam and perhaps other faiths as well.) Hence the Protestant church was born.
Now, 500 years later, we have been faced with another significant shift in the scientific “truths” that we accept. Things like the theory of relativity, quantum physics, space travel, and the introduction of computer technology have dramatically changed how we view the world and our place in it. With that, says Tickle, comes another shift in the way we approach faith. If a human body is less literal than we once believed it was, and we can break it down even beyond the molecular structure to energy and strands of dna, then perhaps scripture can no longer be interpreted as literally as it once was either. Metaphor and narrative are becoming much more relevant. The “rules” of how we do church and how we interpret the world that many of us were raised with no longer fully apply.
Which brings me to parenting. My faith has shifted significantly since I was a child. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but it’s my reality. I just can’t interpret scripture the same way I was taught in Sunday School, and I can’t give my children the same answers I got. Sometimes I wish I could (it would make life easier), but I can’t. It just doesn’t make sense to me to accept traditional teaching on issues such as women in leadership, loving same sex relationships, etc. I don’t even know what to do with “I am the way the truth and the life” and “no one comes to the Father but by me” when I see so much beauty and value and apparent access to a loving God in other faith traditions (not to mention creativity in the way God communicates with people).
That doesn’t mean that I don’t have faith in a triune God – it just means that it’s shifted. When I listen to Phyllis Tickle talk, I recognize that I am not alone in this shift. It’s happening to a significant number of people who are disgruntled with the traditional church and are just waiting for Luther to nail his thesis to the door.
But in the meantime, I need to parent, and parenting means trying to instill wisdom in our children. Sometimes I feel like all I have to add to their questions are more questions instead of answers. I don’t have a road map and I can’t pretend to them that I do. All I can do is muddle through and hope that we all emerge successfully (whatever “success” looks like).
(Note: This is a really rough paraphrase of Phyllis Tickle’s talk – to learn more, you can read the book. If you ever get a chance to hear her talk, do it – she is one of the most brilliant and engaging presenters I have ever heard.)
by Heather Plett | Nov 1, 2009 | Uncategorized
This is why I haven’t gotten much sleep this week. The green egg, milk, and oreos costumes are all from this year and the Tootsie Roll and elephant are from years past. (I’m happy to be able to share my old costumes with my lovely little niece – at least they’re still being put to good use!) And in case you’re wondering, Marcel didn’t go out as oreo cookies – he was just modeling it for the picture.
I can’t take responsibility for the green ham – that would be my talented friend Jo-Anne.
by Heather Plett | Oct 31, 2009 | Uncategorized
Shortly after writing the last post about first impressions, I remembered a fairly recent time when my first impressions were dead wrong. I was at an event where I knew few people. I started talking with one woman at my table, because I thought she was the seatmate I’d probably have the most in common with. There was another woman at the table that I barely gave a second glance because she didn’t look like someone I’d bond with. She was conservatively dressed, and, at first glance, she looked like she was a dutiful wife who let her husband take the lead. Boy was I wrong! When I started talking to her, I found out she was quite fascinating, was doing all kinds of interesting volunteer work in developing countries, and traveled a fair bit independently of her husband.
So there you go – as some suggested on the last post, first impressions can definitely be wrong!
by Heather Plett | Oct 30, 2009 | Uncategorized
I’m in the middle of hiring three new staff people for my team, so I’m doing a LOT of job interviews. (Approximately 6 first interviews for each position and then 2 or 3 second ones for each – that’s about 25 interviews in about 3 or 4 weeks!)
I’ve been in leadership positions for about 12 years, so I’ve sat through hoards of interviews and hired a lot of people. I’m happy to say that I have almost always hired people who end up being a joy to work with. I think I’m a fairly good judge of character. Or at least I know how to pick people who will fit well with my personality and the team I lead (which – truth be told – is often most critical).
Even though we (I usually do it as part of a panel) ask a lot of interview questions, and almost always interview people twice before hiring them, plus we check references carefully, the truth of the matter is, much of it boils down to first impressions or gut instinct. Yes, the person needs to be qualified to do the job, but when we’ve done the initial screening and we’re faced with two or three candidates with fairly equal qualifications, I’ll go with the one that I have the best gut feeling about.
It’s not that my opinion is fully formed in the first 30 seconds after I meet a person, but it’s not unusual that the person who impresses me the most throughout the interview process is the one that I felt a connection with almost instantly. If I were to try to quantify what it is I’m trying to pick up in the moment I shake the person’s hand (and if you’re doing interviews, I highly recommend shaking hands and looking the interviewer in the eye), I’d say that I have to see some evidence that the person is likeable, flexible, relational, pliable, attuned to their surroundings, self aware, eager to learn, and has a sense of humour. I know it’s a lot to try to pick up all at once, but it’s often surprising how accurate those 30 seconds can be. (For some interesting reading on this subject, I’d recommend Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. He’s got some interesting evidence for the power of first impressions.)
What about you – do you trust your first impressions? Have they ever steered you wrong? (In the interests of full disclosure, I do remember once when I was wrong and the person I liked at the beginning turned out to be a bit of a con artist.)
by Heather Plett | Oct 27, 2009 | Uncategorized
Okay, so what do a fried green egg (the Dr. Suess variety), a carton of milk, a box of oreo cookies, a tootsie roll, a can of Campbell’s soup, a punk rocker, a monkey, a sheep, a rabbit, an elephant, Einstein, a chef, a princess, M&M candy, and a couple of angels have in common? They’re all costumes that I have, at some past or current point, slaved over in the week leading up to Halloween. The first three in the list happen to be the ones I’ve given my life to this week.
Notice how much more complicated and obscure they are the beginning of the list then at the end? Yeah, it seems that three things have been happening over the years: a.) I like to challenge myself creatively and delight in sending my kids out in costumes nobody else on the block has, b.) I’m a sucker for punishment and every year I have a lapse in memory when I forget the stream of curse words that escaped my lips somewhere around midnight on the 30th, and c.) my kids have more confidence in my costume-making ability than I do and they’re bound and determined to come up with something that will stump me.
“Hello, my name is Heather Plett and I’m a Halloween costume (only the unique, hand-made variety – none of that cheap plastic crap) addict. It’s been 360 days since my last fix and last night I gave in to the little demon whispering in my ear once again. I’ve fallen off the wagon.”
I’ve spent way too much money this year (foam is frickin’ expensive!), I’ve over-promised again, I’ve already made one major blunder (gluing the fabric to the WRONG side of the foam – sigh), and… AND… (oh the shame!) I made the fatal blunder of agreeing to make a costume for my daughter’s friend!!! Because, well, if one is cookies and the other is milk, shouldn’t they kinda sorta match? Oh dear… what momentary madness told me it was a good idea to open THAT door? It was the flattery, I tell you… FLATTERY! To listen to my children rave about how “mom makes the BEST costumes”, well, it weakened my defenses and I gave in. Isn’t every mother weakened by the wiley charm of the offspring?
I just can’t help it! I’m weak! There’s just something about hot glue guns, foam and fabric that makes me weak in the knees.
Truth is, I think it also has something to do with the fact that this is one small area that I can live up to my own expectations of “what makes a good mother”. They may have to dig through laundry baskets for clean (or “gently used”) socks, live through the humiliation of telling their teachers “my mom forgot to sign the form – AGAIN”, put up with crappy meals (or make their own), but AT LEAST THEY’LL HAVE THE BEST DAMN HALLOWEEN COSTUMES ON THE BLOCK! Just give me that little thread to hang onto and I’ll get through the failures that litter the rest of the year.
(Rather ironically – and somewhat ungratefully, I might add – my children complain every year about the rather pathetic lack of Halloween decorations at our house. It seems my creative expression hasn’t extended down that particular avenue.)
by Heather Plett | Oct 26, 2009 | Uncategorized
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