Yesterday I had this crazy idea: “Since CIRCLE is my word for 2012, wouldn’t it be perfect to usher in the new year with a small circle of women at the centre of the labyrinth?”
Almost as quickly as the idea popped into my head, the gremlins tried to shut it down. “It’s too last minute. Everybody already has plans. You’ll look like a loser for not having plans on New Year’s Eve. Nobody will show up and then you won’t have the courage to walk through the dark woods to the labyrinth alone. And besides, if anyone sees you carrying candles in the labyrinth at midnight, they’ll think you’re foolish.”
Fortunately, I have a lot of practice wrestling gremlins, so I was able to silence them fairly quickly. Within moments of having the thought, I posted my idea on Facebook and sent an email to a few friends. Before long, three of them had said they’d be there (and several others wished they could). That was enough for me!
Just before 11, I gathered a few candles, a lighter, and our camping lantern and headed out the door. Except for one of my daughters (who has as many crazy, spontaneous ideas as I do), everyone in my family thought I was a little off-my-rocker. (One of them even said “what if a pedophile attacks you in the woods?” And I said “well, a pedophile won’t be looking for someone as old as me, so I’ll be safe!”)
Pulling into the all-but-deserted park, my heart did a little skip when I recognized one of the cars parked there and saw two women standing and waiting for me. They came! I don’t have to be crazy alone! A few minutes later, another car pulled up and two more women joined our little tribe.
It was a magical night. It was warmer than I’ve ever remembered New Year’s Eve being. The clouds in the sky glowed with the reflected light of the city, which in turn made the snow glow under our feet. I carried the lantern through the woods, but we never needed to turn it on.
I was nervous and a little giddy when we reached the labyrinth. It felt a little surreal that this was actually happening – that I had managed to manifest this with a crazy brainwave and a quick email.
Without much introduction, we began to walk the path of the labyrinth, one by one. It wasn’t easy to see the path in the snow, but I’ve walked it often enough that I could almost walk it blindfolded. At first, two women walked in front of me, but when they lost their way for the second time, they stepped aside and waited for me to lead the way. It felt like a little metaphor – accepting my place as leader when I have wisdom about the path that will help keep others safe.
Once, a woman behind me stumbled and fell into the snow. The woman picking up the rear stopped to help her back to her feet and the two of them enjoyed a giggle together. Another lovely metaphor for life.
The walk was as beautiful as I’d hoped. Snow crunched beneath our feet. Far off fireworks reverberated in the air. Occasional airplanes lit the clouds above us. It felt magical. It felt sacred. As I walked, I welcomed Sophia to walk with me.
At the centre of the circle, I took the candles out of my bag. “Even though we don’t need these for light,” I said as the other women joined me in the centre, “it’s important to have a flame at the centre of the circle to give us warmth and light and to hold the centre as we around the edge hold the rim. Imagine a bicycle wheel – there are invisible spokes holding each of us to the centre of the circle.” I handed the candles to the women and lit them. One of the women had her own candle in a glass candle holder.
There was only a tiny breeze, but it was enough to blow the candles out soon after we lit them. We huddled closer and re-lit our candles from the flame in the glass candle holder. Soon we learned that the best way to keep the candles burning was to hold them together and create a common flame, and then lean in, with our heads nearly touching.
“There are two questions I’d like to ask,” I said. “First, what do you wish to leave behind in 2011? If we had pencils and papers here, I’d ask you to write it down and then offer it to the flame to be burned.”
“And the second question is, what do you wish to invite in for 2012?”
One by one, we shared our secrets. I said that I wanted to leave behind my attachment to the outcome. “I want to let go of always feeling responsible for the results. When I offer up the gifts I feel called to offer, I want to do that with faith and confidence that I am doing the right thing whether or not the result feels ‘successful’.”
And then when it was my turn again, I said “I am carrying two things into 2012. Circle and light. I want to bring the healing power of circle to more people. And I want to be a light-bearer, helping people navigate in the dark.”
After we had all shared, someone looked at a watch and we discovered that it was past midnight. We’d ushered in the New Year with the flames we held in our hands, helping each other to keep a common flame burning, leaning in to protect it from the breeze. A circle of support and light. It was pure magic.
“Before we leave the circle, I’d like to offer you a blessing,” I said. “In 2012, may you find the path you need to walk on. May you continue to follow it even when that feels difficult. When you falter, may there always be someone there to help you get back on your feet and find your way again. May you hold your light boldly in the world and may you find a circle of friends who will help you protect that light from the forces that want to extinguish it. May you have the courage to lead when you need to lead and follow when you need to follow.”
And then we blew out the flame and wished each other a Happy New Year. Each of us left when we were ready, either along the direct path out, or along the same meandering path we’d taken to get in. I chose the meandering path. I needed a little more time to process what had just happened and to dream about what was to come.
Around the outer edge of the circle, I thought about all of the connections I’ve made with people who are bringing similar work into the world – people who are boldly carrying their own light and leaning in to join it to mine to create a stronger flame together. People who are holding the rim of the circle with me. With each footstep, I spoke the names of those people and offered them a silent blessing.
It was everything I’d dreamed of and more. Circle, light, labyrinth, wisdom, hope, support, women… all of my favourite things.
The blessings I spoke for others returned to me a hundredfold.
First came fearlessin 2009. I challenged myself to step more boldly into my life. I overcame my irrational fear of paint tubes, took a painting class, started doing yoga, exposed my vulnerability to the team I was leading, and got a few bruises.
Fearless was followed with the journeyin 2010. I got breast reduction surgery and journeyed into a new way of living with my body. I took up running. I journeyed to hell and back with my beloved. I took a trip to Halifax that changed my life. And, most importantly, I left my full time job, started this website, and journeyed into self-employment. What a journey it was!
After two intense years, I wanted something lighter for 2011, so I chose joy. I sought out my joy people and made connections with incredible people all over the world. I traveled to Columbus, Ohio for another life-changing week at ALIA. I walked a painful 100 km and was reminded that pain is part of the path to joy. I taught my first Creative Writing for Self-Discovery class and had more fun than I’ve had in a long time. I fell in love with mandalas. I purposefully sought out work that brought joy to my life, instead of simply that which paid the bills. It was an incredible year.
And now it’s time for a new word.
The word that came to me around the time of winter solstice is… circle.
Circle means so many things to me.
Circle is as old as the world itself. In fact, circle IS the world.
Circle is sacred.
Circle is labyrinth.
Circle is the dismantling of hierarchies.
Circle is mandala.
Circle is community.
Circle is equality.
Circle is the seasons.
Circle is completeness.
Circle is play.
Circle is feminine.
Circle is an invitation to Spirit.
Circle is womb.
Circle is birth.
Circle is art.
Circle is conversation.
Circle is storytelling.
Circle is ritual.
Circle is social practice.
Circle is indigenous knowledge.
Circle is covenant.
Circle is council.
Circle is social movement.
Circle is dance.
Circle is learning.
Circle is strength.
In 2012, I want to seek circle in every way that I can.
I will teach the elements of circle in my upcoming group facilitation class, I will use it in my Creative Discovery class and other classes, I will draw it in my mandalas, I will nurture it in my relationships, I will welcome it into my rituals, I will invite it into my upcoming offerings, I will continue to study it, and I will honour it in all of the work that I do.
In honour of this choice, I am also making this The Year of the Mandala.
It is my intention to use mandala-making as my primary spiritual/creative practice, to remind me of circle’s place in my life. I will try to work on mandalas every day, and hope to have completed 300 mandalas by the end of the year. Most mandalas will be in my mandala journals, but some will be on my body, some might be in the snow or sand, and some might be made of random objects I come across.
I invite you to create mandalas along with me this year. I’ve created a Flickr group where anyone is welcome to share mandalas they’ve created.
Note: this piece was included in this month’s newsletter. If you haven’t subscribed yet, be sure to do so, over there on the right.
Last week while I was in Toronto, I had the opportunity to spend an afternoon in St. James Park at Occupy Toronto. I found the experience to be very moving and I’ve been thinking about it a lot since.
What struck me first when I entered the park was the lengths to which people have gone to turn the park into an intentional community. One of the deepest values that was apparent immediately is the value of caring for each other and creating a safe and welcoming environment for everyone. The other value that’s clear is the value of volunteering whatever gifts you can bring for the benefit of the whole.
There is a food area where donated food is available free of charge, a free library where books are shared and free classes are taught by volunteers, a medical tent, a logistics tent, a recovery tent (for people in 12 step programs), a safe women’s area, a silent meditation area, a volunteer sign-up area, a town square where general assemblies take place twice a day, a music zone, and an information table for people who are new to the park. While I was there they were looking for volunteers to set up a children’s area. Everything is free and everyone is welcome.
Shortly after I arrived in the park, I discovered why it had been so quiet – participants were returning from a rousing protest march. They brought great energy and enthusiasm to an otherwise quiet space. Here’s a short video capturing some of the energy they brought with them:
The energy wasn’t all positive. Clearly there had been conflict on the march with one group wanting to march through the financial district and the rest of the group prefering to stick with the initial plan. Apparently someone had told the police that the group that wanted to go to the financial district was planning to incite violence. The people in that group insisted that it wasn’t true. As their voices raised in frustration, a few people stepped out of the crowd to offer them deep listening and a way to reframe their stories so that they could once again offer positive energy to the group.
The true test of a community is how they handle conflict, and though there is much to admire about the intentionality around the Occupy movement, they are not immune to the challenge of having various factions in their midst bringing different viewpoints and differing passions. Gather people with passion into the same space and at some point, you’re bound to experience conflict.
As soon as the marchers returned, the general assembly began in the town square. Young facilitators did their best to manage the energy in the large and passionate group. Using the human microphone (the speaker shouts their words, and then the group shouts them back so that more people can hear), they tried to give voice to all of the concerns and ideas as they arose. To increase people’s opportunity of being heard, they asked us all to break into circle groups to offer our personal ideas of what things should be done in the future. After the circle time, spokespersons from each group brought the offerings back into the larger group. Then, at the end of the meeting, a speaker’s list was formed, inviting anyone who still felt they had something important to say to add their name to the list.
The process wasn’t perfect, and it was clear that the facilitators were learning (and making up) the process as they went along. Those of us who have facilitated large and passionate groups know that it’s challenging to give voice to so many people, especially when there is conflict involved.
I would argue that those imperfections and efforts are what makes the movement beautiful and potentially powerful. No, the movement is not one of perfect clarity (as the critics continue to say). Each person brings a different desire and restlessness to the circle. But what is remarkable is that so many different voices are coming together to create circles, live in community, and share their questions, passions, ideas, and alternatives for the systems that have begun to enslave rather than serve us.
Whenever something new is emerging, we have to be willing to walk through chaos to get there. We have to have the patience to sit in the ambiguous spaces. We have to let the questions sit heavily on our hearts.
One of the speakers who stood up during the general assembly spoke the words that have resonated the most loudly for me since that afternoon. “People say that we are a leaderless movement,” she said. “I would suggest that instead we see ourselves as a leaderful movement. We must ALL see ourselves as leaders in this new journey we’re on.”
And THAT is the beauty of the Occupy movement. For the community (and movement) to succeed, each person has to step into personal leadership and offer their gifts into the circle. Those who have medical skills have to show up at the medical tent. Those who can teach meditation, have to show up in the meditation area to coach others. Those who are facilitators need to offer their skills to the general assembly. Those who are good at diffusing conflict need to step in and help where they can.
Each person brings his/her passion and ideas and a willingness to listen to the passion and ideas brought by others.
That’s wisdom that goes far beyond the Occupy movement and right into our lives. Whatever your gifts are, show up and offer them for the good of all people. And then listen and receive what others have brought.
YOU are a leader and you need to step into that role in order to serve the people who are waiting to be served. That’s the only way community can work.
It’s been another amazing trip. I met with a lot of interesting people, attended a workshop that is closely aligned with the work that most excites me, lined up some new work (which may result in another trip to Toronto soon), was treated to a reiki session by an amazing husband and wife team with gifted hands, built a website for a dear friend and mentor, walked a labyrinth, drove through the beautiful countryside alive with Fall colour, did some advance planning for an upcoming women’s gathering, sat in circle with some of the passionate people at Occupy Toronto, laughed harder than I have in a long time, and heard a lot of personal stories.
That last part is what fills me with the greatest happiness. Hearing the stories of what wants to emerge from people is at the heart of everything I do, whether it’s teaching people to write, helping them step into personal leadership, facilitating workshops, coaching individuals in transition, or writing for non-profits. That’s what brought me to Toronto and why I spent two days learning about narrative coaching with David Drake.
The stories that emerged this week were amazing, as they always are. I heard a story of escape from China and immigration to Canada. Another story of what it’s like to break new ground in a community as an inter-racial couple. A story of being a pioneer and doing work nobody has dreamed of before. A story of building a healing room and creating a labyrinth in the backyard to bring more spirituality into the world. Several stories of anger, frustration, and restlessness over faltering systems that no longer serve the people at the heart of them. More than one story full of the pain of shattered relationships. A story of what it’s like to leave a priestly calling for the emerging truth of a same sex relationship. A story of feeling the pull of the land and a calling to build a unique farm/spiritual centre/learning space. A story of the deep desire to bring a child into the world knowing what challenge that child will face having two fathers. A story of performing comedy in Barbados and emerging into a career in film. A story of the power of dream analysis. Several stories of the dreams and fears of building new businesses while following the longing of one’s heart. Many stories about the challenges of letting go of old limiting stories that don’t serve anymore. A story of a near-death experience in India and the resulting life change that’s emerging. Stories, stories, and more stories.
Each and every story enriched my story-gathering heart.
Sharing stories. Hosting stories. Sitting in circle and letting the stories weave into each other. THIS is my work in the world.
I am a listener. A harvester. A weaver. A host. A wanderer with a basket full of story threads that weave themselves into colourful tapestry.
It is that calling that has led me to something new and exciting. Together with my dear friend Desiree Adaway, another story-gatherer, I am launching something brand new called Global Listeners.
Desiree and I want to build a community of people who will be listeners for the stories emerging in this world. We want to help people learn to listen more effectively so that the stories can transform us. We want to help people become better leaders and change-makers through the power of listening. We want to invite people to join us on listening journeys to hear stories of other cultures.
Our mission is to enrich the world through listening.
To launch this new dream, we are hosting a free learning call on The Power of Deep and Soulful Listening. We invite you to join us next week for the call. Please sign up at the new site.
Whatever work you do in the world, whether you’re sweeping floors in a hospital, leading a large technology firm, teaching schoolchildren how to write, or driving a city bus, your work can be enriched by the power of listening.
Sometimes, it’s nice to have your paradigms shifted.
I have a “healthy” distrust of conference calls. In my working life, I saw them as necessary evils, and in my last job, I tried for years to make them work with my national staff. But no matter what new ideas or formats I brought into them, I almost always walked away feeling discouraged. It seemed nearly impossible to have meaningful conversations with people spread across the country when some of them didn’t engage and others chose to engage in less-than-healthy ways. They got a little better when I stepped out of the chair position and circulated the responsibility, but still they were seriously lacking. The dysfunctions of our team seemed most apparent when we gathered on the phone and didn’t have the benefit of non-verbal communication.
And so it was that when the organizers of the circle/story retreat I was at in October asked if people wanted to hold a conference call to explore the extension of our community of practice, I was skeptical. “Can anything good come out of a conference call?” I wondered.
At the same time, I was eager to reconnect with the amazing women I’d spent four days with at the side of a lake. There’d been such incredible energy around our circle that I was willing to try anything that might continue to extend that into my life.
The call was on Sunday, and… well, let’s just say that my paradigm was significantly shifted. It worked! Beautifully! The whole time I was on the call, I felt held in the warm embrace of this circle of women. One person suggested we open our photos from our gathering time, and so I did, scrolling through while I listened and being reminded of their faces and what they’d come to mean to me.
It was so beautiful and meaningful in fact, that the next morning, just before I emerged from sleep, I had a dream in which each of these women offered me a little gift of advice, wisdom, or story.
Why did it work? It worked because we had been intentional about meeting in circle during those four days in October.
What does it mean to meet in circle? It’s a beautiful, simple concept that is as old as human communication. Long before anyone dreamed of conference calls connecting us across the miles, our ancestors gathered around fires in the evening to share stories of the challenges and triumphs of their lives.
Here are some of the elements we committed to in circle:
– we are intentional about the shape in which we meet – each person can see each other person’s face and there is no heirarchy or power imbalance
– we are all leaders and all take responsibility for holding the rim of the circle
– we honour the space by adhering to some simple rituals
– we pass a talking piece around the circle and only the person who holds it has the authority to speak
– we use a bell to ring us into and out of the circle, thereby clearly demarcating it from other conversations and experiences
– the centre of the circle is like the hub of a wheel – it holds objects which symbolize the intentions of those around the circle
– we are intentionally inclusive, and honour each other’s contribution to the circle
– we speak into the centre of the circle, and trust that the circle will hold whatever is shared
– we build trust by deeply listening to each other’s stories
Because we had worked hard at establishing this circle when we were together, we were able to transfer the elements of it onto our conference call. Several of us lit candles, one person let her voice function as the talking piece, passing it back and forth around the circle, a bell was used to ring us in and out or to mark a pause when we just need to catch our breath, and we all showed up prepared to honour and trust each other.
For more on the circle and how you can use it in the groups you lead or participate in, read The Circle Way: A Leader in Every Chair by Christina Baldwin and Ann Linnea. (Note: Christina was our teacher when we met in Ontario in October.)
One of my commitments, coming out of this learning, is that I want to host circle conversations. I think they have the power to transform and I want to be a catalyst for that transformation. Talk to me if you have some ideas of how I can serve your group by hosting such a conversation.
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What struck me first when I entered the park was the lengths to which people have gone to turn the park into an intentional community. One of the deepest values that was apparent immediately is the value of caring for each other and creating a safe and welcoming environment for everyone. The other value that’s clear is the value of volunteering whatever gifts you can bring for the benefit of the whole.
As soon as the marchers returned, the general assembly began in the town square. Young facilitators did their best to manage the energy in the large and passionate group. Using the human microphone (the speaker shouts their words, and then the group shouts them back so that more people can hear), they tried to give voice to all of the concerns and ideas as they arose. To increase people’s opportunity of being heard, they asked us all to break into circle groups to offer our personal ideas of what things should be done in the future. After the circle time, spokespersons from each group brought the offerings back into the larger group. Then, at the end of the meeting, a speaker’s list was formed, inviting anyone who still felt they had something important to say to add their name to the list.
And THAT is the beauty of the Occupy movement. For the community (and movement) to succeed, each person has to step into personal leadership and offer their gifts into the circle. Those who have medical skills have to show up at the medical tent. Those who can teach meditation, have to show up in the meditation area to coach others. Those who are facilitators need to offer their skills to the general assembly. Those who are good at diffusing conflict need to step in and help where they can.
