1. If you live on the route where my daughters (and I) deliver flyers, PLEASE make sure your house number and mailbox are visible from the street. Come to think of it, do it anyway – even if you don’t live on our route. You’ll make some delivery person’s life a whole lot easier.
2. If you’re my dishwasher – smarten up already! We just fixed you in Spring – you don’t get to konk out twice in a year!
3. If you’re applying for a job and want to work for me, PLEASE don’t use fancy phrases on your cover letter to try to make yourself look smart. It almost always backfires and you look stupid. And because I can be a little mean sometimes (especially when I have to go through 100+ resumes for 3 jobs) I might just read your show-off sentence to somebody else in the office just for a chuckle. You don’t really want that, do you?
4. If you’re my friend – call, email, comment, whatever. I’ve been in a bit of a funk and feel a little lonely and dejected this week. Just sayin’.
5. If you’re one of the people who has been creating challenges for me lately – just stop it already! Trust me – kindness is WAY more fun than vindictiveness or passive aggression. I’ll try it if you’ll try it.
6. If you’re one of the people using a jack-hammer on the street – thank you for doing a necessary job so that those of us who are sensitive to excessive noise and vibration don’t have to do it.
7. If you’re the person who phoned me out of the blue just because I’ve been on your mind lately and you wanted to make sure I wasn’t too stressed out – you are awesome! You can’t possibly know how much that phone call (and similar ones you’ve made in the past, ‘cause you’re classy that way) meant to me.
8. If you’re the person on our flyer route that only sort-of knows me but has been to my house for a certain launch party – thank for that little exchange on the street! It was lovely and it made me think I should just happen to pass your house more often when you’re outside! Maybe my kids could babysit your kids and we can go paint the town red together!
9. If you’re the guys who replaced our furnace yesterday – thank you for being some of the easiest, most pleasant contractors I’ve had to deal with to date.
10. If you’re the person on our flyer route who has such amazing wood carvings on your lawn (including that incredible totem pole) and what looks like a magical studio in the back of your garage, can you just happen to be outside one day when I’m passing with my wagon full of flyers? I’m pretty sure you’re an interesting person and I’m curious to meet you.
11. If you’re my sister who is hosting BOTH families for Thanksgiving meals this weekend, you’re my hero. I wish I could be HALF the hostess you are.
12. If you’re my recently-hired assistant who bought me flowers out of the blue last week – you rock! You just set a new standard for “awesome ways to treat your boss”.
13. If you’re one of those gremlins in my head trying to tell me I’m failing, I’m not as interesting as other people, I shouldn’t bother trying – JUST SHUT UP ALREADY! You’re nasty and you don’t deserve such a comfy place in my head.
14. If you’re my oldest daughter – patience, my child. It will heal, I’m sure of it. And one day you’ll be running again.
15. If you’re my motivation – PLEASE show up already! I have work to do and you’re not helping.
16. If you’re reading this, go out and make somebody happy today even if it’s not me.