by Heather Plett | Apr 16, 2010 | Uncategorized
I wish I could talk more honestly about what’s going on, because I so badly need an outlet, but I can’t for various reasons. That kind of writing will have to remain in my private journal. And yet I know that there are many of you who have learned to care about me deeply, as I care for you, and I’m sure you want me to at least be honest when I am dealing with pain.
Life is really, really hard right now. Honestly, I’m at the point where I’m starting to fear hope, because each time it pokes its head through the clouds, lightning strikes even harder than it did the last time, and I’m left reeling on the ground. The day before yesterday will go down in my personal history as one of the five darkest days of my life.
Let me just say this:
– Hospitals make me crazy.
– Trying to be strong for my kids when my world is falling apart requires a dose of courage that can only come from a source bigger than me.
– The health care system is profoundly broken and there are a lot of people in it who have become cynical and defensive. There are many victims in a broken system, not least of which are the patients and their families.
– There are too many incompetent people in jobs they shouldn’t have – maybe because competent people don’t want to work in broken systems.
– I have learned to advocate in situations where I never dreamed I’d have to.
– I can’t imagine life without friends and family. They lend me strength when all of mine is gone.
– There must be a lot of prayers and good wishes propping me up, because I have managed to be stronger than I believe I am.
– Shared pain (like when you wrap your arms around a sibling whose beloved is experiencing greater pain than anyone should have to bear – in the very same hospital, no less) is agonizing but bittersweet.
I know, deep down, that this too shall pass and we will emerge stronger than we were before. We are alive and we will survive. We have a history that reminds us of that. But it’s not easy hanging onto that, when the lightening bolt has just hit and you’re afraid to get up for fear of it coming again.
Your prayers are welcome. For those who wish to email me, please feel free. Kind words are always welcome. (And in case you’re worried that we don’t have a strong support system close to us, you can put your mind at ease. We do. Thank you to those who are part of it.)
by Heather Plett | Apr 13, 2010 | art, Creativity, journey
There was something about this woman that captivated me. Just outside the Chicago Institute of Art, she was spending her afternoon wrapping yarn around a tree. Installation art, I suppose she’d call it. For no other reason than that it looks pretty and engages the eye. Or perhaps it’s a form of meditation, those steps round and round a tree. Whatever her motivation, it holds meaning for her.
Much has happened since that moment when I stood there with my camera. The world has shaken; deep emotions have been felt; many tears have been shed; guilt, anger, and fear have all been wrestled with; and seemingly insurmountable boulders have been thrown into the paths of myself and the people I love most in the world. The world looks darker and colder than it did that lovely afternoon when I wandered around Chicago in the sunshine.
And yet I find myself glancing at this photo, and something stops me. Partly, it’s a longing to be her – that carefree woman spending hours wrapping yarn around a tree. I don’t know her stories – perhaps they’re even more insurmountable than mine – and yet when I look at the photo, my mind molds her into the ideal story I long to embrace. A whimsical, carefree woman interacting with art and creation, with no other reason (no guilt hanging over her head, no fears, no obligations) to be any place than where she is, wandering around a tree.
But beyond just coveting her carefree-ness, the picture holds a reminder that I need to look for my own way to wrap yarn around a tree – be it literal or metaphorical. I need to find colour, to make art, to touch nature, to meditate, to seek the presence of the Spirit, and to wander until my heart finds peace. In the wise words of Ann Lamott, “… the good news is that creative expression, whether that means writing, dancing, bird-watching, or cooking, can give a person almost everything that he or she has been searching for: enlivenment, peace, meaning, and the incalculable wealth of time spent quietly in beauty.”
Starting with this post and the quiet moments it took to create it, I promise myself I will at least try. Because even if I can’t fix things for the people I care about, I can at least seek healing for the deep wounds and disappointments in my own soul.
by Heather Plett | Apr 12, 2010 | Uncategorized
There are things going on in my family right now that I can’t blog about. Hard things. The kind of things that require of me that I dig for reserves of strength and patience and compassion I don’t always believe I have.
Bear with me during this silence. And if you are so inclined, please pray for healing and strength. And a future that reveals the beauty and growth that can come from the depths of pain and disappointment.
by Heather Plett | Apr 8, 2010 | travel
I’m in Chicago, at an inter-faith communicators’ conference that’s all about “embracing change”. I’ve heard some amazing speakers – like Mitch Albom and Otis Moss III – and my head is reeling with just what embracing change means for me personally, professionally, and spiritually. I think I’ve got to process that some more before I blog about it, so for now, I’ll share more of a random travelogue than any particular deep thoughts swirling around in the grey matter.
It’s been rainy and cool since I got here, and tonight that was excuse enough for me to come “home” early, put on my pjs, and curl up on the couch. But these wandering feet can’t be kept entirely still, even in the rain, so I did manage to do a little sight-seeing in the last couple of days.
First, the view of downtown, from just down the street from where I’m staying.
This homeless fellow caught my attention.
He was deeply engrossed in his book and I couldn’t resist sneaking behind a tree to take a closer look. What kind of book does a homeless guy read?
The Last Man Standing. I haven’t read it, so I can’t say anything profound about whether or not it makes some kind of social statement.
I spent a bit of time in Millennium Park, and… can I just say… even though I got soaked and had to go to the conference banquet with squishy feet and dripping pant legs, I LOVE walking in the rain. Really. Being in a touristy artsy outdoorsy space when it’s raining and foggy and few other people are crazy enough to be there? Well, it just has a special kind of magic. By the time I ducked into Starbucks to warm up over a chai latte, I was downright giddy. Silly but true.
I am SO in love with the giant face sculptures in Millennium Park. The faces keep changing and I could just stand and stare for an hour or two, even in the rain.
Here’s a little sneak peek into the luxury digs I’m staying in. I booked a place through bedandbreakfast.com, and at first I was going to be in a modest little suite. But then I got upgraded because somebody wanted that place for a month. And then I got upgraded AGAIN to their first class accommodations. (For cheaper than I would have paid at the big corporate hotel where the conference is, by the way.) Ooh la la! I feel like a QUEEN!
This is the well equipped kitchen and way down at the end, past the dining room, is the living room. Behind me is the bedroom, and off to the side, an office, an extra bedroom, and a bathroom with a 2 person jacuzzi tub. I don’t think I want to leave!
Just one more thing… this picture almost defies comment.
A BAKERY for DOGS?! I know we’re an overly-indulgent society, but seriously?! If you’ve got a pampered dog, please forgive me. But you know what… when there’s a homeless guy living in a park just down the street, is it really okay to have a bakery just for dogs? (I know, I know – getting rid of one won’t fix the other, but still…)
I may be “embracing change”, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to embrace bakeries for dogs.
by Heather Plett | Apr 6, 2010 | Spring
I have a huge fondness for wild crocuses. They are such bold little flowers, poking their heads out of the newly thawed ground and blooming before other plants even dare to sprout. But they’re not just bold, they’re smart – they guard against the early Spring cold by wearing furry coats and staying close to the ground where they’re out of the wind.
Almost everyone who grew up in my small town feels an attachment to prairie crocuses. The crocus is our provincial flower, and my hometown prides itself in being the crocus capital of Manitoba. On Sunday mornings in early Spring, we’d race across the road after church to the big field in the centre of town to see who could spot the first crocus of the season.
I’ve been longing to go crocus hunting, and yesterday, on my day off, I actually considered driving the two hours just to see if my hometown was a-bloom with crocuses. But I’d travelled on the weekend and was leaving again today, so it seemed a little frivolous and irresponsible. Instead, I did the responsible thing and made sure the family has groceries and clean clothes while I’m away.
It wasn’t ALL work, though. With such lovely weather, I couldn’t resist a visit to the labyrinth before tackling the grocery shopping.
The designers of the labyrinth filled the in-between spaces with indigenous grasses and flowers, and… guess what? There were wild crocuses in bloom! I hadn’t even thought of that when I decided to spend some time there. What a pleasant surprise!
If you want to see more of the lovely labyrinth that’s just across the river from my house and is one of my favourite places for contemplation, here’s a video I made last summer.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPiXVsRhp4s]
p.s. I’m in Chicago this week, and will be sharing photos from here soon. I’ve livin’ in the lap o’ luxury this week, having been upgraded to first class accommodations. Remember the suite in Pretty Woman? It’s not quite that, but close! More on that another day.
