my daughter, my artist, my leader
As I prepare to travel to Columbus for ALIA (Authentic Leadership in Action), I find myself playing with the word “leader”.
Who are the leaders of the world? What do they look like? What makes them unique? What makes us want to follow them?
For a lot of us (especially for women), the word “leader” is a huge block. It feels like too much. Too bold. Too cocky. Too self-assured. Too “I don’t have my OWN shit together – how can I possibly lead other people?”
I’ve heard every excuse in the book. Heck – I’ve USED every excuse in the book. “I’m not smart enough. I don’t have enough knowledge in this subject area. I don’t know how to motivate people. I don’t have all the answers. I’m not confident enough. I don’t like having people depend on me. I don’t know how to fix my own problems – how can I possibly fix other people’s problems? I don’t want people to think I’m too big for my boots. I’m in too much pain.”
We let those limitations block us, because we’ve accepted the wrong paradigms for leadership. Ask any circle of people to name leaders in history or in their own lives, and they’ll talk about people like Nelson Mandela, Obama, Mother Teresa, or the executive director of the organization they work for.
Well no WONDER we get intimidated by the word leader if that’s our paradigm! Very few of us will ever be THAT kind of leader. The world only needs a few of those.
Until they’re coaxed, NOBODY in the room will mention the first grade teacher who opened the world of language for them, the guy who swept the floors in the gymnasium with a smile on his face and a kind word for everyone, the little girl in the playground who made sure everyone got a turn on the slide, the drummer in the high school band who wordlessly kept everyone on beat, or the waitress at the local coffee shop who listened to their stories and made them feel heard.
I’m on a personal mission to bust us all out of those old paradigms of leadership. I’m on a personal mission to make you see the leader in the janitor, the drummer, the waitress, and yourself.
Let’s ask ourselves some new questions.
What if the leader is the person who:
– asks the right questions, instead of knowing all the answers?
– remembers that play is the best way to learn?
– makes a lot of effort to make other people feel seen and heard?
– believes in the power of crayons and dance shoes?
– invites people to wander through possibilities instead of looking for the most direct path?
– creates a container where our feelings and ideas are safe?
– delights in the opportunities that arise out of mistakes?
– invites our bodies and souls to every gathering along with our brains?
– celebrates curiosity?
– believes that the collective wisdom in the room is greater than her own?
– intuitively understands when to say “stop” and “rest” and “walk away“.
– trusts that the most beautiful things often grow out of failure?
Sit with these questions, and then ask yourself “if I can hold this new paradigm, can I then call myself a leader?”
At ALIA, leaders of all shapes and sizes learn about leadership from jugglers, painters, aikido masters, dancers, jazz drummers, meditation teachers, dramatists, doodlers, floral arrangers, etc., etc. The incredible tribe of people who gather at ALIA believe that leadership lessons come from everywhere, and every person in the room holds some of the wisdom. It’s an awe-inspiring experience to sit in a large circle of paradigm-shifting leaders and know that your wisdom is welcome there.
Which piece of the wisdom do you bring to the circle? And what is stopping you from bringing it?
Note: If this new paradigm for leadership excites you, challenges you, or affirms you, then I’m sure you’ll enjoy How to Lead with your Paint Clothes on. The first learning circle has drawn together a fascinating group of people and I look forward to gathering the next one soon. (Dates to be announced.)
Wow! You just made me do a 90 degree turn! And… you made me feel like a leader. Why didn’t I think of it for myself?!?!?! This is the most profound thing I’ve read in years!
Thank you.
Deborah – I write these posts as much for myself as for anyone else. 🙂 I have to keep reminding myself of these truths again and again.
Thanks for your kind words. I’m glad it resonated with you.
Fabulous Article Heather. Sounds a lot like Spiritual Direction. Asking appropriate questions always creates movement and increased awareness. Maybe not immediately, but over time. We are such a fast paced society and we often forget that as people we typically shift slowly. Transformation takes time.
When I read the word “stop” it made me think of “NO”. I remember my Spiritual Director,(who was very concerned I was burning out from good old Catholic guilt) asking me to consider that every time I said yes to something I didn’t want to do ~ I was saying no to what I truly was desiring and being invited into.
Whoa, that made me shift! I now say no if I do not feel a powerful yes within. No is often a more sacred word that yes. When we allow a no to drift across our lips and enter into the air for another to hear, we leave room for what we are being invited to say yes to.
From one “leader” to another,
Great job Heather!
Delores
Delores – I just want to say a big “yes, yes, YES” to your point that “as people we typically shift slowly”. That’s something I’ve been really wrestling with lately – trusting that TIME is often the most important element of transition.
As a culture, we have created a lot of guilt for ourselves (especially for women) around saying “no” and “wait” and “not ready yet”. I love what your spiritual director told you – a lesson we all need to embrace.
Heather,
I too have been wrestling with the timing of things. Recently,(as in last month) I discerned that I will no longer be taking on Interior Design projects. Big shift that took me about 7 years. I feel so much freer internally. However, that leaves me treading water with my art, retreat work and facilitating Spiritual Direction. Making small movements, trying to stay in a place of trust and wondering “how will I make up that cash”? Trust is always the message. Not always easy though!
For three years I was on Parish council at our church, a part of the praying healing ministry for six years and the head of a ministry for miscarried and stillborn parents all at the same time. As well as I have four sons, plus I was in formation as Spiritual Director, hence the much needed comments from my Spiritual Director. My head spins just reading that list!
“No and not right now” seem to fall from my lips quite easily now. I only volunteer to facilitate a home group twice a month. Mid life can be a freeing place!
As usual, you write something that I really need to read, as I am right this second (LITERALLY) writing back and forth with Marcy, arguing all the millions of reasons why I should NOT open my own movement space and thus claim my true leadership potential.
(Ahh…she is the most patient soul on the planet that Marcy!)
And then I come here and you even say “believes in the power of … dance shoes…” and I think, in my small world, “Heather thought of me when she wrote that…and she is wise and wonderful like Marcy and they are both way more right about me than I ever could be.”
Because here’s another thing about leaders that Marcy just taught me when I complained that I am often not “well enough” to teach/lead others: “We can always see others way better than we see ourselves and the fact that we hurt and are imperfect…this allows them to see us seeing them CLEARLY and without judgment.”
🙂
Oh Christine… your dream sounds so beautiful and so YOU! Here’s my promise to you – I will one day come to your movement space and together we will teach a kick-ass workshop on “leaders in dance shoes”. 🙂
The truth is, I DID think of you when I wrote the “dance shoes” point. 🙂
I love what Marcy said about leadership. Indeed, she is a wise woman, just as you are. 🙂