I get discouraged by how much our culture values “easy”. We want easy money, fast food, drive-thru spirituality, and ten easy steps to fix any problem.
We’re living in a culture where MacDonald’s and Wal-Mart thrive because they not only promise to make life easy, they make it cheap. Next to easy, cheap is our second highest good. If you can combine easy AND cheap, you can make a million dollars of that easy money.
I’ve got news for you, though… there is no easy path.
I’ll say that again, just to let it sink in… there is no easy path.
Keep choosing easy and cheap (whether it’s over-processed white bread or overly-simplified spirituality), and you’ll pay for it in the long run. It may not be right away, and the marketers may convince you that easy-street is working for you right now, but you’ll always have to pay. Eventually.
It doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to realize how our earth and our cultural diversity are paying for all of the easy choices we’re making. Climate change, plastic islands floating in our oceans, species going extinct – those are pretty hefty payments for our easy lifestyles. And we all know at least one story of a business that had to close (and a little piece of our diversity, creativity, and culture died with it) when Wal-Mart moved into town. When I was in Kenya, I searched everywhere for funky African fabric but found very little – “well-meaning” North Americans had dumped all their cheap cast-off clothing on the market and killed their fabric industry. Cheap and easy always ends up being destructive.
Similar things are going on in the online world. The proliferation of e-books, e-courses, and e-workshops is both overwhelming and a little discouraging. Once again, it’s easy that sells. Give someone “ten easy steps to zen” or “spirituality simplified” or “your best life NOW (without any effort)” and you’ve got a sure winner on your hands. And THEN, throw ten of those e-courses into one bundle, offer it at drastic discounts, and you’ve got pure gold. Just sit back and watch the money flow.
I can’t help but think, when I see those bundles of e-courses, “how can someone actually process all of that information and make it a meaningful experience?” But perhaps, unlike me, people are more interested in deep discounts than meaningful experiences.
Sadly, people selling creative courses on the internet will soon find no market for them, just like the fabric manufacturers in Kenya.
I can’t help but go back to what I said earlier.
There is no easy path.
You can read all of the e-books or blogs you want, memorize hundreds of “10 easy steps” and you are STILL going to have to do the hard work if you really want to grow. Only YOU can do that work.
You can go to all the right retreats, sign up for all the e-courses you can find, and you STILL have to go through the depths of pain when someone you love dies or betrays you. Not even a guru can make that easy for you.
You can try for cheap and easy all you want, put a bandaid on the pain, avoid the conflicts in your relationships, and all you are doing is delaying the agony. Trust me, you’ll have to pay – eventually.
But let’s be honest, hard doesn’t sell.
Even as I prepare to release my e-course on “Letting go of the ground” about surrender, transformation, and growth, I know that it does not have the makings of a best seller. It’s about “hard”, not about “easy”. It’s about working your way through the pain, hanging onto trust when you’re in the middle of the goo, and surrendering to the Divine. None of that is easy. Or cheap.
And yet I know that I have to release it, because it is my truth. And my gift. And I know that it is desperately needed in this easy-seeking culture.
I know pain, I know surrender, and I know transformation. I never thought that those things would serve as my gift to the world (and I’ve resisted that realization, quite frankly), but life is full of surprises.
I have been to hell and back – more than once. I have suffered the loss of a son. I have been raped. Twice I’ve had to live through the attempted suicide of my beloved. In a three month period, my dad died tragically of a horrible farm accident, my uncle died suddenly of a heart attack, and my grandmother died of natural causes. I have been to more funerals than I can count. (I am not saying those things to suggest my pain has been greater than yours. There is no measure of pain – it just is.)
And yet, despite all of that pain… you want to know something? I am completely in love with life.
Oh sure, when I’m in the mood for a pity party, I can let myself wallow in bitterness with the rest of them, but most of the time, I soak every bit of goodness I can out of life because I know that life is good. And God is good. And people are good. And there is hope.
Yes, my path has led me through a lot of pain, but I can’t imagine living such a rich, full life any other way. Pain has been my greatest teacher. And that’s what I’ve realized as I’ve done all of the interviews in support of “Let go of the Ground“. The people I’ve interviewed are wise people largely for one reason – they have let pain and loss and the gooey-ness of surrender be their teachers. None of them believe in cheap and easy either. They have walked through the surrender and the pain and they have emerged into wisdom and rich beauty. Just like the butterfly.
Here’s one thing I have learned to trust in all of those painful experiences… even in the deepest, darkest pain, God is there.
The God of my understanding doesn’t like cheap and easy. I don’t think we get to have it both ways. Either you take easy street and reject God, or you dive into the messiness and pain of life, and delight in the presence of God in both the pain and the beauty.
Here’s another thing I know… beauty is magnified by darkness. Think of a rose without the shadows between the petals. There would be no depth and beauty if there weren’t dark shadows. Life loses its richness without a mix of both light and dark.
So I’ll stick with this path, release the e-course I feel called to release, and trust that those who have grown as weary as I have with cheap and easy and need something deeper will find their way to it.
Most of us arrive at a sense of self and vocation only after a long journey through alien lands. But this journey bears no resemblance to the trouble-free “travel packages” sold by the tourism industry. It is more akin to the ancient tradition of pilgrimage – “a transformative journey to a sacred centre” full of hardships, darkness, and peril.
Some days it feels like nothing will ever be hopeful again.
Some days you think you should wear a sign on your forehead warning people before they come near.
Some days the path you thought you were meant to follow gets lost in the fog.
Some days it’s hard to believe in the wisdom of nature and trust that, like the geese returning in Spring, you will find your way home again.
Some days it’s hard to remember that transformation doesn’t come without surrender. And surrender doesn’t come without pain and confusion.
Some days it’s hard to remember that Spring will always come, green things will always grow again, and what lay dormant will some day be full of life again.
Some days it’s hard to trust God.
Some days it’s hard to trust other people.
Some days you just have to pay attention to the wisdom written on walls and go find a garden to wander in, even if that garden is still emerging from the snow.
Some days you just have to sit with the struggle, be present in the pain, and wait for God to show up there.
Some days you just have to admit that you don’t have it all figured out. And you can’t do it alone.
Some days you have to accept that when you are called to teach something, you will also be called to wander into the depths of whatever it is you’re called to guide people through.
Some days feel like the middle of the fire.
Some days it’s hard to remember that the fire refines the gold.
Some days you just have to go to the centre of the labyrinth, lie on a bench and cry out “Okay Sophia God, whatever it is you’re trying to teach me, I’m listening. See this? It’s called surrender.”
Some days, you just have to remind yourself of the wisdom you’ve gained in the past, and trust that the wisdom you are gaining now is even deeper.
Tara Sophia Mohr is one of those people who just exudes grace and wisdom and beauty. At the same time though, she is humble and down-to-earth and so easy to like.
In this interview, Tara talks about how she walked away from her job with only a vague sense of calling, wandered through the fog and lack of clarity for awhile, and finally realized what her path was. She also shares about some of the things that helped sustain her in that foggy place.
Tara is currently offering an amazing opportunity that could help you find your own path. It’s called Playing Big and it’s about activating your own voice, owning your power, and amplifying your impact. I just know it will be one of those knock-your-socks-off experiences.
Note: To hear the full interview with Tara, you’ll have to wait for the release of the e-course, “Let go of the Ground“, which I hope to release on my 45th birthday on May 20th.
In just 45 days, I will turn 45. It doesn’t really scare me, or depress me. In fact, I feel quite good about it. I’m enjoying my 40s. It’s a beautiful middle ground. You’re old enough to be taken seriously, but young enough to be forgiven for still making foolish mistakes.
I’m more relaxed in my skin, comfortable with who I am, and confident in my own wisdom than I ever was in my 20s or 30s. I’m no longer dealing with the stress of early parenthood or all of that self-doubt when you just can’t figure out what you want to be when you grow up. (Not that I’ve mastered either of those things, but rather that I’m more comfortable with the not-knowing).
Just before I turned 40, I wrote a post called “40 days ’til 40” (on my old blog) about the ways that I wanted to spend 40 days in preparation for my 40s intentionally seeking out more opportunities for contemplation, creativity, spirituality, and physical activity. I’m happy to say that those 40 days helped set the tone for this decade – I’ve done more of all of those things (and been more intentional about them) in my 40s than I ever did before.
After those 40 days of preparation, I did two big things to mark my 40th birthday – I got my nose pierced and I went skydiving. Those two things ushered in a more fearless decade than I’ve ever had (as you saw in the last post). Jumping out of a plane made me feel like I was capable of doing almost anything. (Incidentally, for my last birthday, I had a bra-burning party to celebrate my breast reduction surgery. I have this thing for marking major milestones.)
Now that it’s 45 days until my 45th birthday, I’m contemplating how I should mark the midway point in this decade. Once again, I want to do something that challenges my fear and teaches me new lessons in my current theme… letting go of the ground. (By the way, I hope to release my e-course by that name on my birthday!)
That’s where YOU come in.
I’m hoping to come up with 45 ways of turning 45. In other words… 45 ways of being fearless, 45 ways of letting go of the ground, or 45 ways of embracing my feminine wisdom and growing my creativity.
Can you help me? Leave your suggestions (on any of those themes, or come up with a way to combine them ALL) in the comments or email me. I’m not saying I’ll do them all, but I’ll at least do one or two that feel like a good fit.
Keep in mind that our finances are not abundant right now (as I struggle to build a new business) so if your idea is expensive, you’ll also have to come up with an idea for financing it.
Give it your best shot… how can I become a more FEARLESS 45?
p.s. one of my plans is to run my first half-marathon a few weeks after my birthday.
Recently, I finished the first draft of my book. It’s a book I’ve resisted writing for ten years because there are parts of it that are just so darn scary, I was much more comfortable shoving those memories and ideas into a closet than bringing them into the light of day. And yet, that book just kept insisting it wanted to be written. And now that it’s written (at least the first draft), it won’t leave me alone until I share it. Pesky book.
After I finished it though, it felt like a great big boulder had been lifted off me. A boulder of fear and resistance that was keeping me from growing into the next phase of my life.
Shortly after closing the file, something told me I should go back and watch the video I created two years ago. In 2009, I chose “fearless” as my word for the year, and in honour of that choice, I created this video…
After watching it, I sat back in stunned amazement. In just over two years, I’ve done almost all of the things I committed to in that video!
– I’ve taken not just one, but THREE art classes. I have fallen in love with painting AND I’m even teaching an art journal workshop at 21 Secrets! How cool is that?!
– I wrote the book that was scaring the pants off me, rather than the book that seemed like the safe choice (and a publisher was interested in).
– I got breast reduction surgery and consequently stopped wearing ill-fitting clothing.
– I’ve dared to reach out and be vulnerable and have developed some truly amazing friendships.
– I’ve taken chances with my writing and shared a lot of personal stories on my blog. I dropped my “fumbling for words” blog because it was time to step into a more confident writer voice.
– I took up yoga and loved it. And then I took up running and loved it even more.
– I quit my job without a master plan or security blanket. I jumped into the abyss not knowing where the ground would be.
– I started Sophia Leadership and have connected with a lot of amazing people through what has emerged here.
– I started teaching a writing course at the university. I fell in love with teaching. And I dream of the next courses I want to teach.
– I released my first e-book. I took a risk and asked a lot of smart people to contribute, and they DID! Over 500 copies were downloaded in just two weeks.
– I followed my heart to a few world-changing events and met some truly amazing world-changing people.
– I put out a proposal to ALIA to do some promotional work for their Summer Institute, and they took me up on it.
As soon as I realized that I’d done all of those things I’d dreamed of having enough fearlessness to do, I knew it was time to make a new video. If one little video can have so much impact, perhaps I need to do a new one every couple of years.
tree of hope
AND this time I decided it was time to make a truly bold commitment, and paint my intentions on the wall. In the video, you’ll see the creation of the dream-filled artwork that now greets me when I walk into my little basement studio (alongside the one by my daughter Maddy).
While we were painting, Maddy joked that if all of those swirls represented my daughters (as they have in other paintings, when I’ve painted only three), I must want to have a LOT of children. I told her that this time, they represent my dreams. Her response? “If you have that many dreams, you’d better get busy and make them happen, because your life is half over!”
I get discouraged by how much our culture values “easy”. We want easy money, fast food, drive-thru spirituality, and ten easy steps to fix any problem.
