by Heather Plett | Jan 2, 2010 | Uncategorized
Okay, here’s the thing – I really need to write a book. Well, more to the point – I need to write ANOTHER book. I’ve been down this road before.
I’ve carried this dream with me for almost as long as I’ve been able to string together words. After my first publishing success in high school (a poem in the high school yearbook), I had a taste of what it’s like to see my words in print and I’ve been a little like a drug addict, craving it ever since.
I’ve seen my words in print fairly regularly since then. I’ve had probably about 20 things published in various publications (poems, articles, essays), and hundreds more in publications related to the various places I’ve worked. I’ve even seen my words on stage, with three of my plays produced on either a University or Fringe Festival stage.
But the book is the golden prize that still alludes me. I want it. Badly.
My first book was a novel I wrote when I was on maternity leave with Julie, my second child. It was called “In My Mother’s Words” and was about a young woman who returns to her childhood home to clean it out after her mom dies and she discovers some surprises about herself when she finds her mom’s journals. I know it sounds rather incredible (it still freaks me out a bit), but with a new baby and a toddler just 16 months older, I managed to write a 300 page book in less than 6 months. For about 2 hours every afternoon, they both took a nap, and I wrote like a mad woman.
I came close to getting that book published. I sent out close to 20 proposals and had about 4 or 5 requests to see the full manuscript. One publishing company said they were pretty sure they’d publish it but they just had to get their board to put the final rubber stamp on it. Sadly though, that never happened.
I still think the book was good, even though I know there are some flaws that need some fairly serious re-writes, but with a few too many rejections under my belt, and real life (diapers, a career, etc.) getting in the way, I put that book up on a shelf and left it there.
It was when I was in the hospital for three weeks waiting for our third child (Matthew, our stillborn son) to be born that I began to dream of writing a different kind of book – a memoir. The problem is, since then, I’ve been cursed with the debilitating disease of “too many ideas”.
First there was the “Journey of a Woman” idea that came to me in the hospital.(See how that word keeps popping up?) That was a general memoir that would focus primarily on some of the tough spots I’d been through in my life – rape, a stillborn son, etc.
Then there was “The Mango Principles”, a book about leadership and community building that had at its core the story of an amazing mango a friend gave me when I was in the hospital. I sent that proposal out a few times but never even got a single response. Since then, I’ve had too many rocky points in my leadership career to truly believe I have a right to give out leadership advice, so I didn’t pursue it too much further. (I might revisit it though, because I still think it has potential)
More recently, there was “Fumbling for Faith”, a memoir about how my stumbling faith has changed over the years and how it has changed me. I sent out a proposal for that one too, but again – no response. I lost interest in that one too because I’m really not sure I have a solid enough faith or any real expertise to write about it.
There have been other ideas – like “Matthew’s story” about how my stillborn son continues to impact me nine years after he died. And another honest leadership book about how hard it is to be an effective leader when you’re surrounded by flawed human beings (a bit of an antidote to all of the leadership books out there that just make you feel like you’re failing because you can’t attain their standards that are based on hypothetical teams and not real, human, flawed teams). And something about the connection between beauty and justice – an idea that I keep wanting to explore after a couple of amazing experiences in India and Africa.
And now… well, now I have another idea cooking in my brain that’s about art and life and personal growth and how shadows play an important role in deepening the beauty of all of them. It kind of brings together some of the ideas from the past.
But the fact of the matter is, I feel a little deflated right now because even though I think it’s a good idea, it sort of feels like “just another idea” that will eventually land on that pile of unattained dreams. And all of those little gremlins – fear, self-doubt, not enough time, not a good enough writer – they’re all getting me down in one way or another these days. (Not enought time/energy is a big one right now, since my career has been draining so much from me lately.)
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, I kind of feel like I need to figure out how to get this thing done (or finally give it up for good), and this blog has been an important place for me to process stuff in my life in the last 5 years. Maybe if I share it, it will have a better chance of being realized. Maybe if I’m honest about it, I’ll feel like I need to be accountable to this dream and put some serious energy into it.
So here I am, telling you my biggest dream, hoping that you will hold it gently in your hands.
No, I’m not going to make a New Year’s resolution or big goal about this, since this is the year I’m determined to enjoy the “journey”. But… here’s the thing… a few years ago, I started a file on my computer called “The Journey toward the Book” and I filled it with little snippets of stories and ideas that I thought might eventually find their way into a book. So – when the word “journey” came to me on that plane ride and became my word for the year, I couldn’t help but think a book might be part of that journey.
by Heather Plett | Jan 1, 2010 | business travel, journey
It was on my last flight that my word for the year came to me. I’d just spent a week in a rental car, exploring various parts of Nova Scotia and New Brunswick in between meetings with staff, volunteers, and supporters and now I was on my way home. After finishing the book I was reading, I closed my eyes and leaned back in my chair. As I began to drift to sleep, listening to the cacophony of sound in the plane, this thought punctuated my inner monologue like a flash of fireworks… OH HOW I LOVE THE JOURNEY! I sat there feeling so blissfully content, so perfectly calm and relaxed, and I knew that this moment was about as good as it gets for me.
I love the journey. I really, really do. Planes, trains, automobiles, bicycles, boats, or even my own two feet – it doesn’t matter – I just love the whole process. It doesn’t matter if I’m going on a grand adventure to Africa or just driving to my favourite bookstore – I am almost always content when I am in motion, going somewhere, on a journey. With or without companions.
And that, my dear friends, is my word for the year. Journey. This year I’m not going to try to conquer any montains, face fear with bravado, or set grand goals for myself. There’s a time and a place for all of that, but right now, for me, it’s time to savour the journey.
It doesn’t mean that I’m going to travel more (though that would be nice), or that I’m going to uproot myself or my family, it just means that I’m going to remember to savour whatever journey I’m on.
Here are some of my thoughts on what it means to focus on the journey:
1. I’m going to try to be in the moment more.
2. I’m going to learn to pack light and not weigh myself down with too much baggage.
3. I’m going to take time for conversation with interesting strangers, just like I did on that long train ride to Cleveland.
4. I’m going to let myself be inspired by the beauty that’s right here in front of me.
5. I’m going to forgive myself for not accomplishing grand goals.
6. I might even manage to forget about the destination now and then and just focus on the process.
7. I’m going to be open to adventure around the bend in the road.
8. I’m going to stop and stare at the wonders of the world.
9. I’m going to take lots of pictures and tell lots of stories.
10. Mostly, I’m going to savour more. Really savour – like that long slow sip of chai latte that’s got just the right mix of spicy and sweet.
Here’s my dream board for the year.
And here’s the painting I was working on this morning – about one of my favourite kinds of journeys, along the misty beach early in the morning as the seagulls are waking up.
And, just for fun, here’s how I’ll be starting the journey – with brown hair!
by Heather Plett | Dec 30, 2009 | fearless
A year ago, I was feeling the need to let go of some of the fear in my life. I claimed “fearless” as my word for 2009, and to kick it off, I made a little video about it…
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_vLDSJnNh8&hl=en_US&fs=1&]
It’s been an interesting year. I took yoga for the first time, despite the fear of letting my clumsiness show. Yes, there was the odd time when I went left when the rest of the class went right and the teacher had to gently correct me, but I loved it none-the-less.
I took a watercolour class and fell in love with painting. In September, I went to Cleveland for a little more creative digging. I practiced calling myself an artist. Next week, I’m starting a drawing class, and I CAN’T WAIT.
I entered an international photo contest and was named one of the runners-up, I won a Communicator of the Year award for taking some chances and launching some big ideas, and – when a film project started hitting the rails – I stepped in and took over much of the leadership.
I launched a new website, held a big launch party, and then got a bunch of interesting people to write guest posts for me. But then I realized that I’d bitten off more than I could chew and this really wasn’t the direction I needed to take right now, so I swallowed my pride and shut it down. That probably took more courage than starting it in the first place.
It turned out, though, that the biggest lessons I had to learn about fearlessness were in the area of leadership. I wish I could tell you that I’ve conquered that mountain, but I’ve still got lots of climbing to do. And some of the climbing seemed to take me in the wrong direction.
There were a lot more leadership challenges this year than I’d anticipated. Almost a year ago, with great intrepidation, I bared my soul to my team and challenged them to be more honest with me and with each other. It was scary, but there were positive results that made it worthwhile. (I have the same retreat coming up in a couple of weeks again, and I’m approaching it with a healthy mix of hope that we’ve moved forward and fear that I’ll fall flat on my face.) A little later in the year, I put forward a huge proposal to the board for more funds and more staff, and though there was resistance, it was approved and I could move forward. I’ve hit lots of roadblocks since then, though, and some days I wish I’d kept those big ideas to myself. Some of the resistance came from within my team, and oh… I just get so weary of having to drag people forward when they don’t want to carry the vision. Plus, on top of all of that, there’s a never-ending court case that I can’t say much about, but that has caused a lot of stress (and way too many conversations with people who’ve heard lies about me) in the last 4 years.
I got a little more hopeful in the fall, when I started hiring new staff, but I’ve hit some major roadbumps since then, so the hope seems a little questionable right now.
What can I say about trying to live more fearlessly? Well… it has definitely opened me up to new experiences and new delights. I don’t regret the new things I’ve tried, especially in the area of exploring more art.
But with each step we take toward courage, there’s bound to be some force trying to push us back to where we were before. There’s no doubt that I am a stronger, more bold leader than I was a year ago, but the journey to get here has been fraught with rough patches, challenging relationships, road blocks, and snarls. I’m feeling pretty beaten up by it all right now. There have been many moments this past year when I’ve wanted to throw in the towel and just find a job where I didn’t have to carry the weight of responsibility.
But I will carry on, because, despite the challenges, I feel called to this role and I believe that I am making a difference. Last week, in the middle of one of my hardest days, a co-worker stopped me in the hall to say “I believe you’re doing the right thing.” She has no idea how much those simple words have carried me since. I believe I’m doing the right thing too, but it was so good, at that low point, to hear some affirmation.
For 2010, I’m chosing a word that results in less bruises. More on that tomorrow.
p.s. If you have a leader who’s working hard to do the right thing, PLEASE stop them in the hall to tell them you’re noticing. Leaders (especially middle managers) are usually the most under-appreciated, over-stressed in an organization. I speak from personal experience.
by Heather Plett | Dec 29, 2009 | Uncategorized
Every year there is the pajama picture…
Followed by some variation on the theme… like maybe the Christmas tree? (minus the youngest member who’d run out of patience by this point)
And since they’ve been old enough, there’s almost always been the pyramid…
Which generally tends to degenerate into the body pileup…
This year there was also the group hug for Grandma…
And a little gratuitous cuddle time now and then…
And, of course, at some point in the evening, there is a little dinner time silliness…
They see each other only a few times a year (as a group) and yet they seem to be rather fond of each other. I’m rather fond of them all too.
by Heather Plett | Dec 23, 2009 | random
First – the prize! So I figured it was high time I announced the winner of my little anniversary giveaway. And the prize goes to… drumroll please… JANE STEEN of the blog “Keep Going You Fool!” (isn’t that a great name for a blog?) Jane, please let me know where I should send your prize AND go on over to this page and pick something you want for under $25. Have fun with that!
And now, the first unrelated random item: In other news, I just realized I have three dishes to cook for each of the next three days and I haven’t given a single thought to what I’ll be cooking, what ingredients I’ll need OR when I’ll find even a few minutes to shop for or cook said items. Oh to be one of those much-envied people with an organized brain who thinks of things IN ADVANCE!
Second unrelated random item: Speaking of my failings, while I was traveling last week, I read a delightful book I’d picked up in the discount rack called “Helping Me Help Myself”. Oh – it was fun! The author has the same love-hate (leaning somewhat more heavily toward the “hate/skeptical” side) relationship with over-hyped self-help books, gurus, etc., and yet she subjects herself to a full year of trying to fix her life with the help of 10 different self-help gurus. She’s got so many of my “endearing” qualities – disorganized, slightly scatter-brained, not very good with money, inconsistent parenting skills – that I felt like I knew her. At the end of the book, I decided that my resolution would be the OPPOSITE this coming year – NOT subject myself to ANY self-help books and just try to be content with who I am.
Third unrelated random item: It’s Wishcasting Wednesday over at Jamie’s place, and I am wishing for one simple thing – some uninterrupted time in my studio. I had to duck in there this morning to grab something on the way to work, and it tugged me and cajoled me and tried to hold me in its clutches. The art supplies were calling me, I swear it! Alas, I had to go because there is just too much “stuff” to do. But next week when I’m on vacation? Well, I may just have to do what I did when I took summer vacation and spend the mornings in the studio before the rest of the household wakes up. I don’t have any grand plans – I just want to play with paint again!
Fourth unrelated random item: I’ve signed up for a drawing class at the WAG starting in January. I’m a little disappointed they won’t let Nikki take it with me. I was looking forward to learning to draw with my oldest daughter, but you have to be 18 to take the adult class. Perhaps because they’ll have nude models?
Fifth unrelated random item: I think it’s time to go make myself some tea.
