[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVh1YQby4pw]
Note: This was supposed to have sound, but it didn’t work and I don’t want to waste more time trying to make it work. To hear the song I’d picked, just visit ccap’s blog and watch her slide show – we picked the same song.
Today I am stuck
It’s raining again
The tire on my bike is flat
Sleep didn’t cooperate last night
The carbon monoxide tester woke us this morning (does this mean the furnace might need to be replaced? Groan)
Someone emailed me to say “get your act together and show some appreciation for so-and-so who’s feeling neglected”
I got another rejection letter in my inbox
I haven’t written anything creative in ages
I can’t seem to remember how to write anything creative
My work is piling up all around me
I’m losing a staff person, which means more work to add to my piles
There’s some conflict that I need to step into the middle of
Blech
There’s chocolate milk dribbled down my kitchen counter, and when I saw it this morning, I just shrugged and walked away – too many messes to think about
Somebody important wants me to come meet them in Montreal
but it happens the same week somebody important needs me to be here
to organize something even more important
so I might not be able to go
I think I’ve managed to disappoint someone
maybe more than one “someone”
I’m tired
I can’t seem to organize myself out of chaos
I have too much to do
I don’t know where to begin
I have to notify a bunch of people that we’re losing one of our staff people
I have to figure out how to get all the work done that the person used to do
without losing my mind
My in-box is overflowing
I doubt myself today
I might feel better if the sun would come out
and I could go for a walk
I can’t seem to get anything done
because I’m stuck
in a rut
It feels like too much today.
(Sorry about the whine. It’s all I’m capable today. I’ll try harder tomorrow.)
Yes, for those of you who wondered if I survived the birthday party, I am still alive. The birthday party didn’t kill me, but the month of June has certainly made every attempt to eat me alive.
At this very moment, there is absolute stillness in my house. I am alone, with NOTHING to do. I think that’s a miracle. I haven’t had a solitary moment like this for at least a month and a half.
It’s just been one of those months – 7000 soccer games, 2000 meetings, 1000 birthday parties, 500 major projects due at work, 10,ooo people demanding my time and energy, and very. little. time. to. catch. my. breath.
But today… today is the very first glorious day of THE END.
I took a desperately needed day off work, and this morning Marcel and I went for a very pleasant bike ride and breakfast out. And then I went to Value Village to buy my summer wardrobe for about 20 bucks. Yes, it’s been a good day so far. The girls will be out of school in a few hours, we’ll go to the last soccer game of this part of the season (it starts up again in September, but just for Nikki and Julie), and then we’ll have a LONG WEEKEND. With nothing to do! Not one of my kids is invited to a birthday party! There will be no soccer games! No meetings! Nothing! That word never sounded so good. I think a day at the beach is in order.
Happy Canada Day my Canuck friends!
After a fun, spur-of-the-moment overnight trip here with some good friends for some of this…
and some of this…
I went thrift-store shopping for some of this…
and picked up a Spring wardrobe of nearly new clothes (3 shirts, 3 skirts, and one pair of pants) for what I would have paid for any one of those things new. About $30 for all of it! Yay! (Oh – and for those who asked – that’s the second-hand couch my kids declared as ugly, but I’m rather fond of. It’s growing on them.)
When I can spend time with my kids and some of my closest friends, and THEN replenish my wardrobe in about an hour for so little money, I DEFINITELY feel lucky.
click to enlarge
You know how sometimes you visit your doctor with a list of symptoms, she suggests a diagnosis and describes EXACTLY what you’ve been feeling and you say “YES! That’s IT!” That’s kind of how I feel about this paragraph in “Eat, Pray, Love”:
Like most humanoids, I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the ‘monkey mind’ – the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl. From the distant past to the unknowable future, my mind swings wildly through time, touching on dozens of ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined. This in itself is not necessarily a problem; the problem is the emotional attachment that goes along with the thinking. Happy thoughts make me happy, but – whoop! – how quickly I swing again into obsessive worry, blowing the mood; and then it’s the remembrance of an angry moment and I start to get hot and pissed off all over again; and then my mind decides it might be a good time to start feeling sorry for itself, and loneliness follows promptly. You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.
Exactly. Those pesky monkeys have me as their slave.
Along with giving up meat, I’ve been trying to spend more time in meditation and prayer this lenten season, but my monkey mind keeps getting in the way. I’ve been trying a few new things to help keep my focus, like prayer beads and centering prayer, but, alas, the monkeys in my mind tease me as they hop from limb to limb. “Just try and stop us!” they taunt.
Perhaps if I could afford the luxury of three months at an ashram in India, like Elizabeth Gilbert, I’d learn how to quiet those monkeys. But there’s laundry to do, lunch to be made, children to play with, floors to sweep, groceries to shop for… you get the picture. Guess I’ll just have to live with the monkeys for now.