This weekend we finally had the kind of magical winter weather that makes a person happy to live in a place with 4 seasons. We’ve had to suffer through alot to get to these few enjoyable days.
(Because we’re all missing Nikki, we had to pick up an extra daughter to make our fun complete.)
(Yes, AP, I have to fight other family members for use of my hat. Luckily it was warm enough to go without.)
Sometimes living fearlessly means letting your daughter go to a place far away from where you stand, so that she can take steps into her own fearless life.
There are many, many steps in this letting go thing, starting with the moment they slip out from the safety of your womb. Sometimes it’s painful, sometimes it’s beautiful, and most times it’s a mixture of both.
I’ve had one of those weeks that will take longer to process than it did to live. A quick trip to Toronto, a few important meetings, a couple of back-to-back staff retreats that sort of melded into one, a few moments that tested my resolve to live fearlessly, even more moments that exceeded even my wildest hopes, some spaces for new and blossoming friendship, some pure unadulterated fun, some gifts, some disappointments, some moments of living with abandonment and joy, an evening of creativity, a crazy broomball game, and an even crazier evening of African dancing and drumming.
I’ll be back here to tell you more, but for now, I feel like I need one of these signs posted on my life.
When I am feeling strong, I remind myself of the bold things that I have done, like jumping out of an airplane, taking on a major project that required tricky negotiations with foreign bureaucracies, quitting a secure government job for one with less pay but more passion, traveling to places where there are bedbugs and threats of war, and sending my writing out into the great unknown world of publishing.
When I am feeling weak, I remember the times when I have backed down from conflict, not reached out to a friend because I thought I might get rejected, watched other people get hurt without standing up to the bully, not taken chances with my writing and art, and let exciting opportunities pass me by because I was afraid I would fail.
Lately, I’ve been recognizing more and more often the many times that fear has stood in the way of opportunities. This year, I want to be a little more fearless.
When I am fearless…
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_vLDSJnNh8&hl=en&fs=1]
(Alternate title: missing Michele while sipping chai latte at the Forks)
With the temperatures hovering around -40 Celsius (with the windchild factor) at least the ice castle won’t melt.
(I took the day off to go with Maddie on her field trip to the Children’s Museum and took a little extra time for myself at a favourite Winnipeg destination.)
I want:
– Sand between my toes
– A hot bath
– A break from being a leader
– A good hair day
– A little less self-doubt
– A respite from the cold
– A new pair of shoes
– An empty in-box
– A resolution for a tough problem
– An hour in a bookstore
– Hands that don’t feel like sandpaper
– A hot water bottle that doesn’t leak
– A laundry genie
– A fresh mango
– A moment of inspiration
– A few carefree hours with some close friends
– A chai latte
– A warm hat
– A trip or event to look forward to
– A positive outcome to next week’s meeting
– An end to the basement renovations
– A handful of cashews