by Heather Plett | Dec 22, 2009 | art, fearless
At first, I hesitated to share this picture from my travels last week, even though it’s one of my favourite moments of the trip. Why did I hesitate? Because you can see just how much weight I’ve gained in the past six months, and… well… ugh. I hate that I’ve gained weight, but even more, I hate that it matters. Double ugh.
But here it is, none-the-less, because I like it, and it’s beautiful, and I’m trying to move past those issues. Really – I am. Look closer at the picture – past the size of my imperfect body, up to my face, and you’ll see a tiny smirk on my face. I was so happy in that moment – so full of what gives me pleasure in life.
This post is only partly about the weight thing. More than that, it’s about chipping away at things. I was in the magical studio of Regina Coupar and she was teaching my friend and me how to chip away at glass and stone to make tiny sparkly tiles for mosaic art. None of them were symmetrical or perfect, but each piece was just right. Blended together, these imperfect, assymetrical pieces make the most beautiful works of art.
It’s what I’m doing in my life too – chipping away at it. Trying to find the beauty at the centre of what looks like rough and ugly rocks. Trying to make the broken pieces into a work of art. Trying to trust the pain of the hammer and anvil. Trying to be brave enough to reveal what I’ve kept hidden under layers of protective covering.
I’m chipping away at what it means to be an artist too. Breaking off pieces of fear and hesitation. Revealing the shiny bits underneath. Taking chances and making mistakes. Trying new things. Risking failure. Learning from others… but in the end, trusting my own way of seeing and being.
This year has been full of so much “hammer and anvil” work. Chipping away at growth, change, pain, renewal, and fear.
I am artist and I am art, all wrapped into one imperfect package. I strive to create beauty and trust my own beauty to shine.
by Heather Plett | Dec 18, 2009 | parenting
About ten years ago, when I was the exhausted and overwhelmed (oh – I could add a LONG list of descriptors to that) mother of two very different toddlers (who knew kids would come with different personalities?), I remember asking a mother in my acquaintance, who had teenagers at the time, if she would consider being a motherhood mentor of sorts, or starting a support group for young moms like me to whom parenting felt like traveling in a foreign country without a guide. She looked at me with a terrified look in her eyes and said something like “that would suggest that I actually think I know what the heck I’m doing! Oh no – I don’t feel capable of doing that AT ALL!”
I didn’t understand what that was about until years later when I’d been a parent for almost as long as she had. Oh my gosh! She’s right! It doesn’t get much clearer, does it? Here I am, with nearly 14 years of experience at this, and I still mostly feel like I’m floundering in a dark cave without a flashlight!
So… when Darrah asked me some interview questions about parenting (because she’s newly married and dreams of filling her home with the sounds of children some day), I had a similar reaction to the one I received. What the heck? You actually think I have a CLUE what it takes to be a good parent? Gulp.
It took me a long time to answer these questions, but here I go… trying to hold out a tiny dim flashlight for other mothers coming after me…
1. How has being a parent changed you?
Hmmm… well, for starters, it whalloped me with a great big dose of self-doubt. Seriously. I was a fairly self-confident person up until then, but suddenly I felt like I didn’t have a CLUE what I was doing and mostly I assumed I was probably doing it wrong. I’ve chilled out a lot since then (because, surprisingly, my kids aren’t turning out half bad!), but I still feel lost a lot of the time. What if I don’t make them eat everything on their plates – will they die of scurvy? What if I DO make them eat it all – will they develop eating disorders? What if I don’t make them go to bed before 10:00 – will they fail at school? Oh my gosh… the worry and fear and… well, you get the picture.
But there are also all those other things they tell you in the parenting books… Like the fact that you suddenly find yourself lost in a love so deep it feels like there’s no bottom. Like the instantaneous realization that you are no different from a mother bear and you have little doubt that you could kill someone who threatens your child. Like the fact that the world feels bigger than you could ever have imagined it feeling. And then there are the moments when you’re sitting around a campfire laughing with your partner and children and suddenly find yourself thinking “could there be any greater joy than this?”
And the funny thing is, as much as parenting contributed to my self-doubt, in a strange way it also made me a more confident person. It’s hard to explain how it feels to have little people in your life who need you and believe in you in a deeper way than anyone ever has.
2. What have you learned from your children?
Oh my – it’s hard to imagine all the things I’ve learned from them. For one thing, I became a leader shortly after becoming a parent, and I realized that I was a better leader because I’d learned some of my skills through parenting. For another thing, I learned just how different people can be. Each of my daughters is so unique that I’ve had to learn to relate to each of them (and discipline them) in very different ways. Interestingly enough, I started to learn things about my own personality and my husband’s when I started to see things that showed up in my kids. For example, I read a book about “raising your spirited child” (because I desperately needed it for my first, and then could have thrown it out when it came to my second) and there was something in there about “negative first response” that the oldest was doing that I also suddenly recognized in my dear husband. I was almost always ready to rush into new things, and here I was living with two people who made me stop and evaluate things first. It changed the way I approached things – made me slow down and learn to wait. AND I also came to realize that a tendency toward overstimulation was probably something that was inherited from me. I hadn’t recognized it before I saw it in my daughter.
3. What do you wish you had known before you had kids, but learned the hard way?
That when you are a parent, you will have to answer approximately TEN MILLION questions a day and you will have to make approximately TWELVE MILLION decisions. The moment you walk in the door, expect to hear some age-appropriate version of the following: “Can I invite Jessica over for a play date? Do you know where my new mitts are? Can you buy me a pair of mitts, ’cause I can’t find mine. Can we have chocolate ice cream for dessert? What time can Jessica come over? MOM – you PROMISED me you’d buy me some new pants, and NOW I have to wear the ones with the holes in them! Can I stay up late tonight, because there’s a show I really want to watch. When are you going to help me with my school project? If we can’t have chocolate ice cream, will you take me to the store for a Slurpee?” This can go on all night.
And your personal space – you know that space you used to guard so preciously, especially when you were tired or overstimulated? Yeah, give it up, ’cause it will be invaded about as many times as you have to make a decision. OH. MY. GOSH! I was not prepared for this. The constant demands for answers and touch and decisions! Some days, I’ve threatened to put up a sign that says “Mommy is on strike until further notice. No more decisions will be made today. Don’t even THINK about asking me if you can have another cookie!”
4. How do you juggle a career and THREE kids? It sounds super-human to me.
Oh yeah, I’m super-human, alright! Ha! Darrah, you’re a peach for saying so, but I am SO not super-human and most days I feel like I’m not doing any good at either motherhood OR the career-thing. And housework? THAT went out the window YEARS ago! You should see my laundry room or my refrigerator! You would very quickly retract that “super-human” comment!
The truth is, I couldn’t do this without a great co-parent. Marcel and I really are partners in this, and often (especially when I’m traveling) he ends up carrying a lot of the load. It helps when you have a partner who balances off your weaknesses. For example, if it were only up to me, the kids would miss half of their soccer practices, music lessons, etc., because he’s much more aware of what’s on the family calendar and who has to be where at what time than I am.
Just for fun, here are a few of the things I’ve learned (and keep learning) that have helped me cope…
a.) You’ve gotta pick your battles. If you’re exhausted and it just makes your life easier to say yes to that extra cookie, DO IT. The world will not come to an end. And your children will not become hardened criminals.
b.) Don’t sweat the small stuff AND don’t blame yourself for everything that goes wrong. If they happen to wear their clothes to bed instead of pajamas (because they can’t find them or because they’re too lazy) – it really doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. At least they’re sleeping at YOUR house and not a juvenile detention centre.
c.) Sometimes you’ve got to change your definition
of success. If your kids are interesting, decent citizens who have respect for the adults in their lives and they have moments of genuine kindness now and then, does it REALLY matter if their bedrooms resemble pig-pens?
d.) That super-mom crap that the media shoves down your throat? Give it up, ’cause it will only lead to failure and stress. If you don’t have time for home-baked goodies for the class party, the kids will be equally happy (maybe even more so) with Oreo cookies.
e.) Your kids will be better off in the long run if (within reason, of course) you don’t set aside everything you hold dear in order to cater to their every need. Do at least some of the things that give you joy, and learn to ignore the whining (which is mostly manipulation on their part) when they act like they should be getting ALL of your attention. As much as I sometimes feel guilty about it, I don’t think my kids have suffered from me doing the traveling I do. I think they’ve learned to be more self-sufficient and they’ve learned that it’s okay to follow your dream/calling.
f.) Be there for the tough emotional stuff they have to deal with, but don’t do everything for them. There’s no reason they can’t learn to pack their own lunches by the third grade or work through some of their sibling rivalry without you trying to keep the peace. Sometimes there’s a tendency to get overly involved in every little minutiae of your child’s life – avoid it. In the long run, everyone’s better off if you do.
Sorry, Darrah, if I’ve scared you out of child-rearing. 🙂 It definitely comes with its challenges, but in the end, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I could never have imagined just how much fun it can be to hang out with your own children. (Of course, I couldn’t have imagined how much emotional stress it will cause you either, but this was supposed to end on a positive note! 🙂
by Heather Plett | Dec 17, 2009 | Uncategorized
1. If you’re interested in the continued adventures of Flat Madeline, check out Maddie’s blog. I think the 3D Madeline is getting jealous of all of her grand adventures. I know I am.
2. I was interviewed by Connie over at Dirty Footprints Studio. I really enjoyed doing the interview because it helped me work through some of the things I’ve been wrestling with lately. If you want to know more about my work and why I’ve renewed my passion for it, check it out. Connie and I have been down similar paths lately, and it always seems that in the midst of my deepest wrestling, I get the most delightful emails from her.
3. I took a sick day yesterday. I was fighting a cold the whole week I was traveling, and though I didn’t feel too bad then, I think it caught up with me yesterday. Mostly, I just needed a day of rest.
4. Last night was the last “winter concert” with all three of the girls at the same school. Nikki and Julie thought they were done with concerts (normally they only do them up to grade 6), but this year the grade 7 & 8 bands participated. Next year, Nikki is off to HIGH SCHOOL! Gulp. (Side note… Seriously – if they’re going to call it a “winter concert” and there’s nothing to do with Christmas in the content, why can’t they have it in January or February when our lives are a little less busy?)
5. Winter concerts always cause me a great deal of stress because I’m just NOT one of those organized moms who has nice little outfits picked out for each of the kids months in advance of a big event. Every year I know it’s coming, and every year I’m left scrambling to find the appropriate clothing. Oh it’s black pants/skirts and white shirts this year? Hmmm…. does anyone HAVE black pants? Or a white shirt without a stain on it? Last night’s concert was preceded with a frantic visit to the thrift store for a pair of black shoes, followed by another frantic visit to the thrift store for a pair that FIT, followed by an equally frantic visit to the over-crowded mall for a black skirt, followed by a frantic mom hemming a pair of black pants. In the end, all were dressed and clean and we were even EARLY arriving at the concert! (But supper consisted of that evil entity known as “fast food”.)
6. I have never EVER left my Christmas shopping to this late in the season. Oh dear. This may be the year of the gift cards.
by Heather Plett | Dec 15, 2009 | Uncategorized
Exactly five years and 1000 posts ago, I dipped my toes in this big unknown world known as blogland. I didn’t know what I was getting into, but I loved to write and I was curious about what it would be like to put my ramblings out into a public space.
I started this blog as a way of processing my thoughts and feelings as I prepared to go to Africa for the first time. I was excited about it, but wanted to process the impact it might have on me.
A lot of water has passed under that bridge since. Right from the start, I was “fumbling” and I’ve done a whole lot of fumbling ever since – for words, for truth, for hope, for relationships, for peace, for inspiration… you name it, I’m a fumbler.
I’ve blogged from Kenya, Tanzania, Ethiopia, India and Bangladesh. I’ve traveled from coast to coast in Canada and into the States a few times. I’m made a lot of online friends and had the opportunity of meeting about half a dozen of them in person. I’ve worked through some fairly major life challenges in this space. I’ve watched my children grow and shared some of their stories online. I’ve been encouraged and inspired by the many bloggers I’ve come to count as friends. I’ve watched other bloggers come and go. I’ve tried new things. I’ve learned to Twitter. I’ve taken a lot of pictures, and started watercolour painting. I’ve wrestled with what it means to be a little more fearless. I’ve started calling myself not only a writer, but an artist – all-be-it a “fumbling” one. More than anything, I’ve tried to be authentic, honest, and approachable.
I’m going to keep on fumbling and I’m going to keep on talking about it on this blog. It’s become such a big part of my life, I know I’d feel lost if I let it go.
Thank you, blog readers, for sharing these past five years with me (or at least the portion you’ve been around). I enjoy you immensely. You are my friends, my encouragers, and my fellow fumblers.
In appreciation of you – whether you’ve been here a long time, or just showed up today – I’m offering a prize to one lucky reader. I’d like to give each of you gifts, but that might be a little out of my budget, so this will have to suffice. One lucky reader will get all of this… (I tried to combine little pieces of who I am and what I like in the package.)
- Three books – God is No Laughing Matter, by Julia Cameron (author of The Artist’s Way), The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield, and Echoes of the Remnant, by the amazing artist and writer I met last week in Nova Scotia, Regina Coupar
- Two of my favourite photos, matted and ready to be framed
- A funky pair of earrings from my favourite shop in Mahone Bay, Nova Scotia
- A bar of fair trade milk chocolate from Just Us, a fair trade compnay in Nova Scotia
- A box of “cashews tumbled in Costa Rican milk chocolate infused with Chai spice” – my very favourite treat from SOMA chocolatiers in Toronto… mmmm….
- AND… here’s the biggy (not pictured above) – a gift from my favourite fair trade global gift store, Ten Thousand Villages – you get to pick something from their Under $25 page (or a couple of things that add up to under $25)!
Here’s how to enter:
- Leave a comment. You can say anything you want, but I’d be particularly interested in a comment about why you showed up here and why you’ve kept coming back (if you’ve been around more than once). I’d love to hear from some of the people who’ve been lurking but never leave comments – you know who you are!
- Follow me! If you show up in the “follow me” box on the right hand side bar, or if you’re already there, you’ll get one entry into the contest. If you follow me in some other RSS feed (Bloglines, etc.), let me know in the comments, and you’ll be added.
- Tweet or Retweet about this post (and include my tweet name, so I can track it – @heatherplett) and you’ll get your name entered.
If you do all three of the above, your name will be entered three times!
Thanks for visiting! I hope you keep coming back!
Note: The draw will be held on the weekend.
by Heather Plett | Dec 14, 2009 | Uncategorized
I had the pleasure of meeting today’s guest blogger when I went to Cleveland a few months ago for the Creative Dig Workshop. The first thing I noticed about Christine was her big welcoming smile that makes you feel like you will be safe with her. Christine is a deeply spiritual person, and she shares her wisdom and her struggles over at BlissChick. Christine is on her own amazing journey this week, to a magical place called Kripalu where she’s dancing and dreaming and following her calling.
For far too long, I have been trying to keep a lid on my soul’s most precious dreams. This lid is sturdy, made of things like “practicality” and “realism.”
To be more specific, this lid is made of stories about what I “should” want or “can” have.
The first thing I did to construct the lid, many years ago, was tell myself that as I age, yoga would be better for me than dance. I would be able to do yoga for my whole life. It would help me to age gracefully.
Who knew it would simply age me? I wanted to dance, and there is no substitute for your soul’s work that will not age you. Your soul’s work will keep you youthful and vital. Infinite, as you are meant to be.
The second thing I did to create and tighten this lid was to tell myself that I have always wanted to be a writer.
I am a good writer. I have an excellent relationship with that particular muse; she is generous with the ideas.
That does not mean writing completely fulfills me. Only your soul’s work will truly fulfill you. Yes, you can do many other things, but your soul will still ache and cry out for what it needs.
Eventually, if you keep this lid screwed on tightly enough, your soul will shrivel and you will join the ranks of the Walking Dead. You know them. You’ve seen them in your daily life. Perhaps you see one when you look in the mirror.
Their eyes lack luster. They martyr themselves to the needs of others. They are exhausted all the time.
I have no idea by what Grace I was freed of this fate, but one day I danced and the lid popped off and my Soul got the fresh air she needed.
I have been dancing ever since.
I cannot not dance. No matter what, I know I would find a way to do this work.
There are days that I struggle, still, because I am human.
Yet…there is one giant clue that I am home, that I am finally free.
I am no longer encumbered by a desire for Perfection. I am in love with Process. I am in love with the day to day of dance.
My body tells stories — true stories — when I allow her to fumble and to falter.
When I loose the bridle of perfection that has kept me tied to a life of lies and settling, I shine.
