Sometimes living fearlessly means letting your daughter go to a place far away from where you stand, so that she can take steps into her own fearless life.
There are many, many steps in this letting go thing, starting with the moment they slip out from the safety of your womb. Sometimes it’s painful, sometimes it’s beautiful, and most times it’s a mixture of both.
1. I’m in Calgary, sitting in a comfy reclining chair at my brother and sister-in-law’s. I’ll be flying home in a few hours. I just finished doing a round of interviews. Sadly, we’re losing our Alberta staff and I have to hire again. Sigh.
2. After 8 interviews, I find it remarkable what different energy people bring into a room with them. Some bring an air of confidence, some aloofness, some boundless energy, and some calm comfort. I could almost always tell within the first few seconds what kind of energy the person was bringing and whether I would find myself drawn to that person or not. It made me wonder what kind of energy I bring to a room. I remember being told once, by a boss who became a really close friend, that the minute I walked into the interview, she knew she would like me and that we probably read the same kind of books. She was right.
3. My brother just brought me a Starbucks chai latte and it’s yummy. I kinda like him.
4. In the interests of putting myself out there a little more, and maybe taking on a little more freelance work (it’s what paid for my camera, so what’s not to like), I made myself a website and my kind brother helped me upload it. Go check it out.
5. My sister-in-law is busy taking goofy pictures of her dog. A few minutes ago she was reading sections of a knitting book out loud to me. And when I arrived two days ago, she handed me a lovely wool hat that she’d knit. I kinda like her. (And now she turned the camera on me.)
6. I have to go catch my plane soon.
I was interviewed by the lovely Karmyn of Dreaming What Ifs…
#1 – You have been writing about living Fearlessly. What is the biggest obstacle you face to accomplish this?
Well, the most obvious answer to that would be “fear” is the biggest obstacle. But to get a little more specific, I think a lot of it has to do with self doubt. When I’m afraid to confront staff members, it’s mostly because I doubt whether I am blameless enough to have removed the log in my eye before addressing the speck in theirs. And I doubt whether I will offer as much grace as I need to. And I doubt whether I’m strong enough to handle their rejection and their calling out of my own flaws. When I’m afraid to try new things or take risks, it’s because I doubt my own abilities and I convince myself I will fail. When I’m afraid to take risks on new friendships, it’s because I doubt whether I’m an interesting enough person to make it worth their while. To be honest with you, I think self doubt is also a little about pride. I don’t want to tarnish my image by falling flat on my face. So this year is as much about challenging my own self perception (and recognizing how that gets in my way) as it is about fearlessness.
#2 – What is the most important lesson you wish to instill in your children about life?
There are a lot of things I want my children to learn, of course. One of my first responses to this kind of question is often “boldness”, but lately I’ve been thinking that integrity is more important than boldness. If they can live with integrity, being true to their values, true to themselves, and true to the global community, I will be happy. I think integrity is a pretty big word, because I think it also has elements of humility and servitude that are really important for each of us as global and community citizens. If I have to pick an area that I was particularly influenced by both of my parents, I think it would be integrity, so I just want to live in a way that passes that on.
#3 – If money were no object, where would you travel to?
Oh… there are SO many places I want to go. It’s always tough to narrow this one down. I’ve been lucky enough to already go to many of the places I’ve dreamed of, but there are still lots more. I just finished reading Honeymoon with my Brother (about 2 brothers who travel around the world after one of them is jilted at the alter), and it instilled a whole lot of new dreams in me and made me relive the really pleasant memories of backpacking in Europe with my sister (back in 1992 – can you believe we’re that old ccap?). One of the places that intrigues me (partly because I did a science fair project on it somewhere around grade 6, and more recently because of the book) is Brazil.
#4 – If you could meet any Leader, alive or dead, who would it be and why?
Hmmmm… This is another tough one. I’m trying to think of someone who wouldn’t intimidate me – who I could sit with in a congenial manner and have a really good inspiring conversation. I really hate those stilted conversations when you meet somebody who’s a celebrity or significant leader, and you just feel stupid and tongue-tied because you feel some pressure to be brilliant and live up to the moment. (In my past job, I met several big muckity-mucks like the 2 former Prime Ministers, Ken Follett and John Ralston Saul, and I didn’t enjoy it that much.) So my inclination is to pick someone who’s pretty down-to-earth. I think someone like Rosa Parks, who was just an ordinary person who made a decision one day that enough is enough. I am most inspired by ordinary people who make bold steps toward change. (I love the quote on this t-shirt.)
#5 – What is the one meal you cook that your family RAVES about?
Well my kids LOVE my homemade oven-baked mac ’n cheese. My husband is pretty tired of the mac ‘n cheese (as am I), but he loves my Thai noodle stirfry. (And if he reads this, he’ll probably beg me to make it for supper tonight.)
Thanks Karmyn!
Anyone else want to be interviewed? Leave a note in the comments, and send me your email address if I don’t already have it.
The jacket that spoke to me in Toronto… (My daughters’ reaction? They prefer not to comment on the grounds that it may incriminate them. Let’s just say it’s not preteen fashion.)
Nicole’s first band concert (that’s her in the centre front with the clarinet in her mouth). Their band instructor is a miracle-worker who can make grade 7 first time musicians sound good, and grade 8 jazz musicians sound even better.
And this is just a teaser for the next fearless post…
After buying my new camera at Christmastime, I started trying new things and looking around for ideas to inspire me. One of things I decided to do was the 365 project on Flickr. Starting on January 13, I’m trying to take at least one picture per day for a year. Unfortunately, I picked a rather challenging time of year to start such a project, because the daylight hours are all when I’m at work, so most of my photography is limited to what I can capture without sunlight. And these days, even when we have sunlight, it so flippin’ cold that you don’t want to risk frostbite just to get a picture.
By about the third day, I was wondering “okay, so what am I going to take pictures of today?” There are only so many interesting things in my house, and the girls are growing weary of having a camera in front of their face every day. But I keep trying… and I keep longing for the Spring when things start to grow again. In the meantime, this experiment has already afforded me the opportunity to look at things from a new perspective – which is rather fun. (Have you ever laid down on the floor to take pictures of your daughter’s feet?)
If you want to see what I’ve captured so far, go here. (I’m a couple of days behind with uploading – they’re sitting on the camera waiting for me to have a.) time, and b.) a few moments when my kids aren’t hogging the computer.) If you want to follow the journey, and you’re a Flickr user, feel free to add me to your contacts list.