Over

Christmas has come and gone. Another year has arrived. It was a fairly quiet holiday. Lots of family stuff. Brad and Sue and the kids were around all week and Dwight and Lorna and the boys were here for part of it. We spent a few nights in a hotel, which gave the kids lots of opportunity to swim, etc. Both Nikki and Julie discovered they were brave enough to ride the waterslide. I didn’t think Julie would do it, but once she realized she could, she got quite hooked on it. Maddie went a few times with grown-ups, but wasn’t too fond of it.

A cute Maddie story… after she’d heard me talk about how much energy the kids had (Amy and Brodie were hanging out with Nikki and Julie at our place) and I’d sent them out to play in the snow a few times to burn it off, she was downstairs pulling stuff off the toy shelf.

Mom: “Maddie, don’t make a mess.”

Maddie: “But I HAVE to make a mess. It’s my energy!”

Now it’s only a month until I leave for Africa. I’m starting to get ready. This week I go for my shots. I went shopping for good walking shoes yesterday, but when I wore them around the house, my feet didn’t like them, so I’ll have to return them. It’s not like I want to buy a bunch of new stuff for the trip – it would seem a little ironic to be decked out in new clothes for a trip like this – but I DO need a decent pair of shoes ’cause my feet will give out fairly quickly if I don’t.

!@#!@!$!% Cold!!!!

MAN is it cold outside! Minus 41 with the windchill! Why on earth did any human beings choose to settle in this place? At least I have an excuse – I was born here and thus it is harder to uproot myself. But long ago, some poor, weary settlers decided that this was where they wanted to live. Did they make that choice in the middle of summer? I wonder what they thought of it once winter rolled around… “Crap, I KNEW I shoulda got on the boat marked ‘Florida’!”

Oh well, grin and bear it. At least I’m not living in a tent or a mud-walled cabin like those poor suckers. And in a month and a half, I get to hop on a plane for a warmer destination. Yay!

Marcel’s parents were over for supper last night. I made stuffed pork loin, with an apple stuffing. It was good, but not quite as yummy as I’d hoped. The stuffing had a little too much sage in it. I keep trying to find that elusive perfect apple stuffing recipe, but so far what I’ve found has just been mediocre. Maybe it only exists in my mind.

Mandela

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

(Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.)

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fears,

our presence automatically liberates others.”

— Nelson Mandela Inaugural Speech, 1994

Clutter

I’m trying to de-clutter. Every once in awhile, I start to get claustrophobic with all the clutter in my life. It’s become an annual tradition to go through the toys just before Christmas and get rid of a bunch before bringing in any new ones. This year I’ve gone beyond toys. On Saturday, we dropped off 8 or 9 garbage bags full of stuff at the Thrift Shop. We already have another 3 bags packed and ready to go, and there’s still lots more where that came from!

It’s amazing how much stuff we collect. Bizarre, really. Why would we possibly need all that STUFF? It’s making me feel a little trapped, somehow – like I am a prisoner to all this clutter. Unfortunately, I ran out of steam this weekend and didn’t get as much done as I’d hoped. Here’s hoping the energy shows up to keep pace with the ambition. A part of me wants to get alot more done before people start showing up at our house for Christmas. Another part of me REALLY wants to have less clutter in my life before going to Africa.

I think letting go of food is somehow linked to this desire to de-clutter. I want less weight too – it’s holding me prisoner just like the clutter. I want to be free of the need to overeat and the need to hang onto junk. I’m sure some psychologist would have a heyday trying to figure out why I collect junk and pounds – what am I protecting myself against by surrounding myself with all this stuff? Oh well, I don’t need to do any deep psychoanalysis. I just need to clean up!

The God of my understanding

The God of my understanding
Likes to hang out in a good bookstore with me
He doesn’t talk much or get in the way when I’m busy
He doesn’t cast a judgmental eye on my book selection
Or roll his eyes when I get the bill

The God of my understanding
Gets up in the middle of the night with me
When one of my daughters has vomited all over the bed
She helps me clean up the mess
And gives me a dose of compassion
When all I want to do is sleep

The God of my understanding
Drops in when I’m lonely or sad
And sticks around even when I try to send him away
He hands me a box of Kleenex when I need to cry
He doesn’t try to fix it for me
Just sits there and listens and helps me figure it out myself

The God of my understanding
Celebrates with me when I have small victories or large ones
She brings food and wine and we toast the day
She indulges my passions and my desires
And delights in my achievements

The God of my understanding
Likes all of my friends
He likes to chat with us and engage in interesting conversation
He laughs at our jokes – even the dirty ones
And can out-perform anyone in charades

The God of my understanding
Shows up when I’m scared or weak
She doesn’t judge me or tell me to “suck it up”
She puts a gentle arm around my shoulders
And helps me move forward
Even when I can’t seem to figure out how

The God of my understanding
Loves to climb on a plane with me
And dream about places unknown
He doesn’t act like he already knows what’s around the next corner
He’s game for any adventure
And he shares my delight when I discover something that stretches my world

The God of my understanding
Doesn’t look at me with disapproving eyes
When my stumbling feet lose their way
If I fall, she finds a comfortable spot on the ground to sit with me
And sticks around until I’m ready to get up and try again

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