by Heather Plett | Oct 16, 2006 | Uncategorized
I am no domestic diva. Not even close. Tonight, it was nearly 6:00 by the time the girls and I got home from dropping Marcel off at university and everyone was hungry. For supper we had spring rolls, scrambled eggs, and raw veggies. Odd combination, but it worked and the girls loved it. In my defense, at least the spring rolls were hand-made, bought from a farmers’ market.
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I am quite proud to be friends with Linda and Michele today. They show up to help out with all kinds of things I ask of them – they’ve catered meals, helped with some writing projects, babysat my kids when we were in a jam, and today they helped stuff envelopes for a massive mailing we’re doing at work. Not only were they gracious enough to show up, they’re the interesting and fun kind of friends you love to introduce to your coworkers to prove what a cool person you really are for having friends like that. (I’m quite fond of their sister Yvonne too, but she wasn’t there today.)
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My children are upstairs fighting when they’re supposed to be clearing the table. I’m choosing to ignore it. Here’s hoping no blood is shed.
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My new favourite show is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. I watch very few other shows with any kind of regularity (except maybe Amazing Race and occasionally Corner Gas, the greatest Canadian show on TV), but I’m totally hooked on this one. It has some of the smartest writing I’ve seen in a long time, the actors have the amazing ability to be both funny and serious on the same show, Matthew Perry has great comic timing, they have cool guest appearances (Sting!! Does it get much cooler than that?), and they actually treat Christianity with respect with a strong and funny character who reflects the kind of fun and real Christianity I want to be part of. For one of the best monologues in recent television, check out the following clip…
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K79OHbSMWQI]
One of my favourite lines… “There’s always been a struggle between art and commerce. And I’m telling you – art is getting its ass kicked!”
by Heather Plett | Oct 16, 2006 | Uncategorized
Rather ironically, shortly before this whole deception thing blew up on my blog, I made a succesful pitch to Cahoots magazine for an article on blogging and how meaningful relationships can be built on blogs. I haven’t given up on the story, even though it will now include a short section on how, just like in real life, some relationships can be precariously built on deception.
I already have the centrepiece of the article, but I need a few supporting quotes and ideas from people who have found that their blogs have helped them build meaningful relationships with people who show them compassion and support. I’m particularly interested in how blogs might help you work through difficult experiences or phases in your life – like tragedy, mental illness, postpartum depression, rough parenting times, etc.
So here’s what I’m proposing – if you’re interested in providing a response, I’d like you to answer a few questions (either as a post on your blog, a comment here, or in an email to me). I can’t promise I’ll include all of you – if alot of people jump in, I’ll have to pick and choose the quotes I need to support the article. But whether or not I use what you write, I’m still very interested in reading it.
Here goes with the questions: (Feel free to answer all or just one or two.)
1. Why did you start blogging?
2. Do you feel that you’ve developed meaningful relationships on your blog? If so, tell a story or two of a relationship that made a difference to you. How are these relationships different and/or similar to your in-person relationships?
3. Have you used your blog as a place to work out tough situations in your life? If so, what was the situation/challenge, and how did the blog help?
4. Were there people you met through blogging who helped you through those tough situations? What did they do that helped?
5. Were there ever things that you felt you could talk about on your blog to “strangers” that you couldn’t tell your flesh-and-blood friends and family?
6. Do your family and “in-person” friends read your blog? Why or why not?
7. Have you ever regretted admitting really personal things on your blog? Why or why not?
8. Have you come into conflict with anyone on your blog? Did it destroy a relationship that you valued, or was it someone you didn’t care about?
9. Do you ever think about quitting blogging? Why or why not?
10. Any other interesting stories that might be applicable?
Thanks in advance. If you write something, please leave me a comment or send an email so I know about it. Also, I’d appreciate knowing if you’re willing to share your real name for the article and the address of your blog.
And I’m going to have to assume, for the purpose of the article, that you’re telling the truth! 🙂
by Heather Plett | Oct 13, 2006 | Uncategorized
So, according to Doc, Laura’s a big ol’ faker. Too bad. I quite enjoyed her blog and she seemed like an interesting person. Laura, if you’re reading this, and you really are a faker, perhaps you should consider writing novels – you create some very convincing characters and you write well. And when you get your novel published, come back and tell me so I can go buy it, ’cause I’d read your writing any time.
The thing is, though, I really don’t know if Doc’s telling the truth. Perhaps Doc’s the faker and Laura’s an innocent “victim”. Who knows? Or maybe Laura is Doc’s alter-ego and they’re one and the same person. We just never know, do we? Come to think of it, for all you know, maybe Michele’s really MY alter-ego and deep down somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I’ve hidden my inner dog-lover and gardener. (Although, her last few posts make the “dog-lover” part seem a little questionable.) If you believe my version of the truth, though, Michele is REALLY an amazing, smart, funny and compassionate person who’s one of my best friends – in real flesh-and-blood life.
Yeah, it’s true that we really don’t know when we’re being deceived online. But is that really any different than real life? I’ve been lied to in my real life too – by people I thought were friends. I used to have a friend (notice the past tense?) who was a pathological liar who concocted all kinds of stories about the classes she was taking, the friends she hung out with, the hard-luck stuff she’d lived through, etc. Mostly I just ignored it and chalked it up to a desperate bid for attention, but then the lies got personal. The deal-breaker was the rumour she spread that Marcel’s breakdown and subsequent suicide attempt had something to do with the demise of our marriage and possibly even an affair. That was no longer ignorable.
I also knew a woman who got engaged to a man she thought was a gift from God. He treated her like gold and she was blissfully happy – until, by pure fluke, she discovered that he had a double life with a wife and kids. Big ol’ liar.
Despite the knowlege that there will always be liars around, and some of them may even hurt me now and then, I much prefer to approach life with the assumption that most people are good people who tell the truth most of the time. I may get duped now and then, but I think life is happier if you don’t live with paranoia and distrust.
And when it comes to blogs, well I’m just going to keep assuming that most of you are telling the truth. And if you’re not – well, that won’t really affect my life too deeply. If you’re a good writer, and you enjoy creating an alternative universe, go for it. It’s not really the end of the world. I think it’s a little wierd and probably even a little sad, but who am I to say?
I think most of us are smart enough to realize that blogs are a form of entertainment and not really a replacement for real life. I never really understood all the hub-bub over “A Million Little Pieces”. So what if it was all fabricated? Don’t you read a book mostly for entertainment? It seems like lots of people were entertained (I never read it, so I couldn’t really say), so was it the big travesty some people made it out to be? Now if he had been selling himself as a journalist for a reputable news service, then it would have been a different thing.
Yes, I have to admit that now and then I get a little nervous of having kids online, but even that doesn’t worry me too much. My oldest daughter is one of the most cautious people I know, my second daughter would rather get lost in a book than a computer, and my youngest is still playing Elmo games. So I don’t live in paranoia that they might fall into the hands of a predator online. We talk about it lots, and so far I don’t see any reason for worry.
I’m not going to stop making blog friends just because some of you may be fakers. And those of you who are truly genuine people, thanks. You renew my faith in humanity. There are lots of truly wonderful people out there in blogland, just like there are in real life. Take the amazing Karla, for example – she’s gone out of her way to help me fix my blog template. She’s my new techno-hero, and she’s nice in real life too.
by Heather Plett | Oct 13, 2006 | Uncategorized
1. When you open my blog, does the background come up as black with brown text? A couple of people have complained that it’s hard to read, but it’s SUPPOSED to be a light tan colour with black text. I have no idea why it looks different for some people. If you have any ideas, let me know.
2. Why is it that just when you’ve whipped your budget into shape, finally gotten to a place where you’re not living pay cheque to pay cheque and actually have a small but growing emergency fund, your computer monitor starts screeching, smoke starts pouring out the back, and then suddenly Gina’s blog shrinks to a tiny peephole in the centre of the screen? (Sigh. Guess the good news is that the small emergency fund at least afforded us a nice flatscreen that I’m quite enjoying.)
3. Has anyone heard from Laura? Her blog disappeared and she’s not responding to e-mail. I’m starting to miss her, and so is Liz.
4. Should I be nice to the deliquent graphic designer whom I turfed and who has now come grovelling?
5. How long does it take for a ruptured eardrum to heal? ‘Cause I’m getting kinda sick of yelling at Maddie who’s nearly deaf these days.
6. Do you tell the truth on your blog? ‘Cause MJ’s post makes me wonder who’s truthful and who’s making it all up. I suck at lying, so it’s hard to fathom people who would concoct a completely fabricated persona. Just so you know, I can tell you that ccap, michele, linda, ap, pamero, corrie, and krista all tell the truth, because I know them – in person. And now that I’ve met karla, I’m pretty convinced she tells the truth too (at least that lump in her stomach sure doesn’t look like a pillow). Ask any one of them, and I’m pretty sure they’ll vouch for me too, ’cause I ain’t no liar (though I might embellish for effect now and then).
by Heather Plett | Oct 12, 2006 | Uncategorized
Yesterday I saw two little boys who will grow up without their daddy.
Yesterday I saw a little girl who searched the room for her favourite uncle, and looked at her mom with a puzzled face when she couldn’t find him.
Yesterday I hugged a man whose brother won’t come around anymore, revving his Harley and looking for fun.
Yesterday I watched a woman overcome with emotion as she stood by her son’s new grave.
Yesterday I hugged countless friends who can’t imagine a world without their friend “Bordelo”.
Yesterday I saw Marcel chuckle when someone mentioned Brad’s favourite nickname for him – “Dirt”.
Yesterday I remembered our favourite story about Brad – how he once packed his dirty dishes in a suitcase to take home to his mom and her dishwasher.
Yesterday I watched a community grieve.
Yesterday I heard stories of the imfamous trip to Grand Forks, the pet scorpion Brad was proud of, the pranks he would play on his friends, the many times he made people laugh, and the joy he found coaching his sons’ hockey teams.
Yesterday I saw how many lives Brad had touched.
Yesterday I cried.
by Heather Plett | Oct 11, 2006 | Uncategorized
You all know it as well as I do. Sometimes, parenting is a crapshoot. No – scratch that – A LOT of times parenting feels like a crapshoot. We all make about 10,000 decisions for our kids every day (Mom, can I have a piece of cake? Mom, can I watch TV? Mom, can I go play in traffic?) and approximately 99 percent of the time, we’re at least a little uncertain whether the decision we made is the right one. Sometimes, it really doesn’t matter (a piece of cake here or there isn’t going to kill them or render them useless adults some day), but then there are the bigger decisions where we agonize over whether or not we are stinting their growth, negatively impacting their emotional maturity, or just basically screwing them up real good. Will they need counselling some day if I never let them play with little Billy? Will they be fat lazy adults if I don’t sign them up for soccer and hockey and gymnastics and swimming? Will their brains turn to mush if I let them watch too much TV? Will their boredom at school turn them into trouble-makers if I don’t find a more challenging (read: expensive) private school where they are more intellectually stimulated?
One of the biggies for us is whether or not to let them drop out of some activity. We’ve faced it a couple of times already. Nikki developed a phobia at ballet lessons a few years ago and wanted to quit, but I made her suffer through until the end of the session because I didn’t want her to think she could drop out of everything that scared her. Julie, on the other hand, didn’t mind going to running club but didn’t want to run in the track meets. I let her skip them, ’cause I’m not sure competition is really necessary anyway and at least she was getting the exercise.
The latest issue I agonized over was piano lessons. Towards the end of last year, just after we’d finally gotten a real piano moved into our living room, Nikki asked if she could quit piano. When I probed for a reason, it came out that she was afraid of her piano teacher. She said that every Thursday, when she knew she had a lesson in the evening, she would worry herself sick at school all day. She practiced diligently – mostly because she lived in terror of making a mistake and having her teacher reprimand her.
So… what to do? I knew that the piano teacher wasn’t a horrible ogre and I was pretty sure Nikki was exaggerating when she said she “yelled” at her. At the same time, though, she was an older woman, with a fairly strict approach, who didn’t like it if students wasted her time with a lack of commitment. Should I force Nikki to confront her fears and stick with it? Or was it more important that she enjoy music and practice for the joy of it rather than the fear?
This time around, I think we made the right decision. We switched piano teachers. I found a new one through a friend who sends her kids there. This one is young and hip and fun and says it’s important to enjoy music. Tonight, after the lesson, Nikki told me she was glad we switched. She said she’d only thought about her lesson once today, and didn’t worry about it. We have to drive a little further, but if it means that music is a pleasure instead of a duty, then I’m willing to do it. The girls are both more musically inclined than me, but Nikki in particular has always had music running through her veins. Even now, I can hear the sounds of the music drifting from her room as she falls asleep with it on. I think she started singing even before she could talk.
Whew! Every once in awhile, in this crapshoot, we play our cards right. I only wish I were more certain more of the time. Because with this decision behind me, I know I’ll be faced with another one tomorrow that will throw me into another cycle of doubt and agonizing.
PLEASE tell me I’m not the only one who hasn’t figured out how to do this parenting thing right. Or perhaps I missed that day when they were offering the “how to be a perfect parent in ten easy steps” workshop? If you were there, can you give me your notes?
