by Heather Plett | May 19, 2010 | birthday parties, change, fearless, growth, journey, things I've learned, Uncategorized, women
I’m having a hard time putting into words what yesterday meant to me. None-the-less, I want to share it, even if the words fall short of the truth.
First there was the conversation with a coach/magician
After a full day of meetings (Aside: What the heck is going on? Meetings seem to have exploded all over my calendar lately! I can barely catch a breath!), I had a coaching call with Randi Buckley.
Honestly? I’ve been a little skeptical of the whole coaching movement. Any time anything becomes too trendy, I start sniffing it for snake oil and I tend to distance myself somewhat. Not that I don’t believe in coaching – I’ve taken several “coaching for leaders” workshops and have found them quite helpful – it’s just that trends often bring out the people who like to jump on the bandwagon and aren’t necessarily the genuine article. On top of that, hiring a life coach seems to have an element of narcissism that doesn’t sit well with me. (My apologies to my friends who are coaches or who hire coaches! You are all wise and wonderful, so I’m not talking about YOU!)
Needless to say, I’ve never worked with a coach, even though I know people who swear by it. But when I won Randi’s free sessions, I thought “why not approach it openly and welcome whatever might come of this?” Since it was free, I had nothing to lose.
Well, it turns out that Randi is the real deal. Seriously? I think she’s part magician. Or at least mystic. It wasn’t very long into our conversation that she started voicing things that she picked up in my words and energy that were so dead on they were scary. And with only a few well placed questions, she had me digging into demons, identifying the places where I deal with “imposter syndrome”, and voicing big crazy dreams I’d never dared whisper to anyone.
One of the things Randi encouraged me to do (which, I admit, I resisted at first) was to examine some of the negative voices in my life to find the truth hidden behind them. I didn’t realize how powerful that was until this morning when the real live negative voice (not just the ones in my head) I talked to her about made a significant energy shift and actually paid me the FIRST EVER compliment I have heard coming out of those lips – and all because I’d started the conversation with an acknowledgement of the wisdom that person had put into an email the day before.
Then there was the “Sisterhood of the Burning Bra” party last night.
Again and again, I am blown away by the incredible energy that a group of like-minded, open-hearted women can welcome into their space when they gather in a circle. There were fewer people in that circle last night than I expected, but they were the RIGHT people. (The gremlins wanted to convince me that people don’t really like me and hence hadn’t made my party a priority, but I banished those gremlins from the party pretty quickly and they had no choice but to whimper on the other side of the gate.) More importantly, they were MY people – the women who I know will always come into my circle when I need them, to share their warmth, strength, wisdom, and energy.
I felt a little silly about following through on my desire to burn my bra, but Michele built a lovely fire and the women who were there held me in such a safe space (not to mention cheered me on!) that I couldn’t resist. Before the bra was committed to the flame, I talked about what I was releasing and how I was newly committed to treating my body as a sacred space. And then we all watched it burn until there was nothing left but the underwire.
What came afterward was more than I could have dreamed of. Each of the women in the circle wrote whatever they wanted to release on a piece of paper and committed it to the flame. Fear, procrastination, regret, past hurts, and ego were all swallowed up by the fire. (Yes, there were pictures taken, but the files seem to have corrupted themselves in the downloading process, so you’ll just have to trust me.)
At the end of the night, I shared a little story of the necklace that hung around my neck that I’d just purchased. It’s a silver lizard. Martha Beck talks about the “lizard brain” – the part of our brains that lives in a world of “lack and attack”, where we are always tempted to focus on what we are lacking and what is attacking us. I am determined, in this next year of my life, to get better at the practice of silencing the lizard brain that keeps lying to me about my shortcomings and attacks – hence the reminder I wear around my neck.
Tomorrow marks the end of another year of gathering wisdom along this journey, and the beginning of another year of practicing to get it right.
by Heather Plett | May 17, 2010 | beginnings, birthday parties, fearless, growth, journey, Leadership, Passion, personality, Uncategorized
My birthday is coming up on Thursday, and since my dear friend Michele is throwing a little celebration in my honour tomorrow night (if you live close enough, YOU are welcome – at least, if you fit the “ladies only” profile), I’ve decided that this year I’m going to celebrate a whole BIRTHDAY WEEK instead of just one day! Yes, I’m feeling horribly narcissistic about the whole thing, but I figured I’ve done a fair bit of sacrificing in the past month or two, so it shouldn’t hurt to have a little balance in my life. Giggle.
Seriously though, I feel like this birthday week marks some pretty big growth for me. Those of you who are regular readers will know about some of the big challenges that have forced me to plunge a little deeper into my heart to find out just who it is that resides there and what the source and shape of her strength is. When we open ourselves to it, challenge and struggle will usher in growth and acceptance, and that’s what I’ve seen happening in my own life.
There have been some pretty significant breakthroughs for me in the last two weeks, in my relationship with my body, my relationship with my loved ones, my relationship with food, my relationship with the divine, and my relationship with the core of who I am created to be. As I wrote a few months ago when I was recovering from surgery, I’ve been feeling like a caterpillar who has to give up the life she knows, commit herself to the cocoon, and wait for the transformation to come.
I just learned recently that in the cocoon stage, caterpillars actually break down completely into a gooey gel-like substance that has no resemblance to either caterpillar or butterfly. We have to give it up – whatever we believe ourselves to be – in order to emerge into the beautiful creature we are meant to be.
It’s true, isn’t it, that we are never finished growing? I feel like a sculpture that is forever being molded in the Sculptor’s hands.
There’s a bubbling energy in me this week that feels a little like what the butterfly must feel when she has the dawning awareness that it’s time to break out of the cocoon. I feel strong in ways I didn’t expect to feel strong – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I’ve been running, biking, praying, doing yoga – and a bunch of other little things that feel like they are helping me step into a new strength. The beautiful life-giving thing about it is, the more I step into this strength and share it with people around me, the more it is returned to me in affirming ways – like a lovely note from a cousin who’s heading out on a solo trip to the Grand Canyon and says it was partly inspired by what I write on this blog!
A month ago, when Marcel was in the hospital, I began to describe myself as a warrior because of the battles I had to fight as his advocate. And in a few weeks, I’ll be in a workshop at ALIA about “leaders as Shambala warriors”. I’ve never really thought of myself as a warrior before (maybe it’s my pacifist roots), and honestly, I often doubt myself as a leader because of some of the struggles I’ve had in this job that usually end up leaving me feeling like a failure. But something is shifting, and I’m trying to step into whatever it is that’s emerging.
No, this week is not about “look how great I am”. It’s more about “there is something powerful in what God is shaping my life to be and I want to celebrate the way I’m growing into it”.
Tomorrow night, our little celebration will include a bra-burning ceremony to mark the transformation to my body (through breast reduction surgery). In a strange and unexpected way, the surgery marked a turning point for me – a moment when I finally gave myself permission to want a new story for my body. It’s all been part of the metamorphosis process – letting go of old stories I tell myself and embracing new truths and new possibilities. I have learned to love myself in a new way since I let go of the weight that was cut off. I have learned to treat my body with new respect and gratitude (thanks in part to Geneen Roth’s book) and I am slowly becoming healthier for it. (I realize that might sound a little twisted – having plastic surgery to learn to love yourself – but it’s working for me.)
What I would really love is this… even though you might not be able to make it to the celebration tomorrow night, I’d be delighted if you would consider marking this week with me, on your blog, on Twitter, or just in the privacy of your own home.
Here’s what I’d like you to do… have a virtual “bra-burning” party! No, you don’t have to burn your bra (unless you want to!), but think of some old story you’re telling yourself about who you are (who you’re supposed to be by other people’s standards, what limits you, what you’re lacking, why you’re a failure), and burn it! Write it down on a piece of paper, light a candle, a lantern, or a big ol’ bonfire and BURN THAT SUCKER! Let it go! Give it up to the fire!
Do it in honour of my 44rd birthday, but more importantly, do it for you!
And take pictures, ’cause I’d love to see all that burnin’ energy!
by Heather Plett | May 17, 2010 | Uncategorized
Sometimes after a weekend, I feel like I need to come back to work to rest. Weekends can get a little frantic, with too many errands to run, too many schedules to juggle, too much laundry, and too much grocery shopping, and cleaning and whatever-needs-to-be-done.
But not this weekend. This weekend was gloriously relaxed and easy, with nearly perfect weather to make it feel even more pleasant. There was still laundry to do and soccer schedules to juggle, but there was also lots of time for lovely things like naps and bike rides and reading books in the sunshine.
Here’s a bit of randomness about the weekend.
- Running! I finally took up running! Ever since my breast reduction surgery, I’ve had this urge to try running, so I bought a new pair of runners last week and finally convinced myself to hit the pavement. Inspired by Jamie, I’m starting at a pretty slow pace with this program. I went both Saturday and Sunday morning and it was quite lovely. It won’t replace biking during the week, but I think I’ll stick with it on the weekends.
- On Saturday morning, I was out of the house pretty early, and had lots of time on my hands, so I took a longer route and spent lots of time walking after the running was done. I wandered past a marsh where the blackbirds were just beginning to greet the day and – oh my! What a glorious moment! It felt like worship. I had to just sit on a bench for a few minutes, assume a meditation pose, and close my eyes while the sounds filled me up.
- Both mornings, after the running was done and I was doing the cool-down walking, I had a strong urge to raise my arms toward the sky. Perhaps it’s reminiscent of my nephew who, when he was a toddler, would raise his hands almost automatically whenever someone said “hallelujah!” Or perhaps it’s my awakened body just longing for a full body stretch. Either way, if you happen to drive by my neighbourhood and see me walking with my arms in the air, you know my run is complete.
- On Saturday night, Marcel and I drove out to the country where our friends are camped in the middle of the bush while they build a new home. We enjoyed the most delightful campfire with them, complete with a couple of glasses of wine, some relaxed conversation, and some s’mores. Oh – it was pure goodness!
- Don’t hate me for this and don’t assume it has anything to do with the way we’re parenting or modeling for our children (far from it), but my oldest daughter has turned into a cleaning machine. She takes a certain amount of delight in it (yeah, I know – strange!), and more than once this weekend, I came home from an errand to find her with a broom or mop or some other cleaning implement in her hand. I’m not sure how I got so lucky! (Though my other daughters aren’t feeling quite as lucky, because she’s also turning into a bit of a nag when they leave things lying around.)
- It was giveaway weekend in Winnipeg this weekend. Anything you wanted to get rid of could just be put on the curb and people could pick it up for free. I think it’s a lovely new tradition in our city. We finally got rid of some of the toddler toys that our kids have outgrown, and we picked up some skates and a desk for Maddie.
- I learned how to make mango lassi smoothies this weekend and oh my! I think I have a new drink to become addicted to!
- You know that line from The Colour Purple about how it pisses God off if we walk past the colour purple without noticing? Well, I think it pisses God off if we walk past a lilac bush without stopping to bury our faces in the blossoms and deeply inhaling, so I’ve made that a regular practice in the Springtime. You can find me all over the neighbourhood with my face buried in a lilac bush, or with my hands raised to the sky, or my eyes closed listening to blackbirds. Yeah, the neighbours might think I’m crazy, but I can live with that if it means I’m living a more mindful life.
by Heather Plett | May 13, 2010 | Uncategorized
Remember all those wishes yesterday? Well, I’ve got BIG news! BIG! Even bigger than the little wish I voiced yesterday!
First, the fun stuff…
I rode my bike to work today! For the first time this season and the first time post-surgery! Woot! So… I’ve got a good start on that second wish (though the wind wasn’t technically at my back). It made me feel so energized to finally be riding again! And this time with less bouncing!
Now for the BIG stuff!
RETREAT!! Yes, that’s right! I get to go for one – for a whole week! In June! On the East Coast! Expenses paid! (Okay, maybe it’s time to cool it on the exclamation points.)
But it’s much bigger than that… it’s not just a retreat, it’s five glorious days at the ALIA Summer Institute. (That stands for Authentic Leadership in Action.) It’s something I’ve been dreaming of for awhile, and when I first broached it with my boss (a couple of months ago), I had every reason to believe it wouldn’t happen. And then with all the turmoil in my life, I set it aside and almost forgot about it. But things are going so much better at home, and Marcel assures me he and the girls will be okay without me for a week (with a little help from our wonderful support system, I’m sure!), so with some measure of fear and trepidation, I brought it up with my boss again. A couple of hours after posting my wish for a retreat, he walked into my office, we had one of the best conversations EVER and in the end, he approved my request.
But wait… it’s even BIGGER than just a week at any ol’ leadership conference/workshop/retreat… I get to spend 5 days in the presence of some of my greatest heros in the field of progressive leadership. Peter Senge, for one, AND… oh, this is good…I get to attend an extended workshop (five modules) with none other than Margaret Wheatley!!! (I applied late, so I didn’t think I’d get my first choice in modules, but I DID!) (Oh dear – more exclamation points. I can’t help myself.)
Now, I know that might not seem like a big deal to many of you (“Who the heck is Margaret Wheatley?” you’re thinking), but let me tell you a little story… About ten years ago, when I had only been in a leadership position for a few years, I came across the work of Margaret Wheatley and the Berkana Institute (which she founded). I was drawn to her like a magnet to steel. It’s hard to explain, but back then I just had this strong sense that some day, I needed to be her student AND I needed to get involved with the Berkana Institute.
I haven’t thought about it much in the years in between. Other stuff occupied my mind, I changed jobs, did a lot of growing and parenting and leading, and I found other leadership gurus and mentors who inspired me along the way. Far back in the recesses of my mind, though, whenever I traveled to Africa, I’d have fleeting rememberences of my interest in Berkana – always with some level of confidence I would connect with them when the time was right. Then this year, Margaret Wheatley’s name started coming up again, and so I ordered one of the books I hadn’t read yet (A Simpler Way, which I talked about in this post.) Reading that book brought back a strong wave of emotions and inspiration, reminding me of the way I’d felt when I first read one of her books ten years ago.
Then I found out about ALIA, and all the pieces started falling together. And now I get to spend five days with her! On the East Coast! It’s a ten year dream, coming to fruition!!
And, just for a bonus, here’s another little piece of synchronicity… A few months ago, I read Storycatcher by Christina Baldwin (another one of those people I feel like I need to spend time with), and she shares a story of Marianne Knuth, a Zimbabwean-Danish woman who founded an organization in Zimbabwe called Kufunda. Once again, I had a strong sense that some day, I needed to connect with that woman and that organization. Well, by now you’ve probably guessed what I’m going to say next… SHE’S going to be at ALIA too! And Kufunda is connected to Berkana! Holy frickin’ synchronicity, Batman!
Yeah, you can tell I’m a little excited. The truth is, though, I’m a little nervous of how excited I am, because sometimes too much anticipation ends up leading to disappointment. And with so many disappointments lately, my little ol’ brain keeps reminding me that this might be another one.
But hey – if we can’t dream and anticipate and get caught up in the wonder of it all, what fun would life be? Maybe this is the beginning of the easy stretch on the journey. 🙂
by Heather Plett | May 12, 2010 | Creativity, dreaming, journey, savour, Uncategorized
It’s been an emotionally heavy month in an emotionally heavy year. Some days, it feels like my heart doesn’t know where to land anymore. I have been torn apart by some pretty significant work challenges, relationship challenges, leadership challenges, parenting challenges, marriage challenges, and any number of ordinary day-to-day life challenges.
It hasn’t all been bad, but sometimes it feels like I would do almost anything for just a bit of good news for a change, or just a few weeks of carefree, easy living.
With that in mind, when Jamie asked “what do you wish to experience” for this week’s Wishcasting Wednesday, I thought “oh my – it’s Spring, with Summer just around the corner – and I want to experience SO much of what is good and easy and light-hearted and beautiful in the world.”
I don’t need blow-your-mind big moments, I just need a good long series of simple, good things. So here are some of those things I wish to experience:
- A retreat. A few days of delicious, non-guilt-inducing, non-heavy-thinking, simple, refreshing retreat.
- A few dozen long, luxurious, wind-at-your-back bike rides, with or without companions.
- Some photo walks, where I get lost behind the lens, staring at bees landing on flowers, broken glass on the sidewalk, or the way the setting sun sets the leaves aglow.
- Campfires. A drink in hand, the ingredients for s’mores nearby, the crackling fire, and some of the easy people in my life relaxing in lawnchairs around the circle.
- Spontaneous beach days with my daughters. Sand between the toes, ice cream treats, sunshine.
- Quiet moments with a paintbrush and an idea, hiding in my studio/sanctuary.
- A road trip. Laughing in the car, stopping for snacks and pee-breaks, hours and hours of staring out the window.
- Time to write this idea that keeps burning in my brain.
- Lovely little Folk Festival moments – listening to music, hanging out with my sister, watching the dragonflies flutter past.
- Positive changes. Something shifting in the areas of my life that feel stuck. Emerging from this tunnel into the Summer sunshine.
- Connections. A few deep and honest conversations with safe people who wake me up to new truths.
- Rest. (Can we get back to that retreat? Oh how I long for it!)
- Mostly I just want to experience an easy stretch on this “journey” I’m on this year. A straight stretch of road, with lovely scenery where nothing jumps out on the road ahead of me and no storm clouds blur the view.
That’s enough for now. It doesn’t seem like too tall an order, does it?
by Heather Plett | May 10, 2010 | fearless, Leadership, Uncategorized
About 10 years ago, I picked up my first Margaret Wheatley book and knew fairly quickly that there was something unique about the wisdom I held in my hands. She wasn’t just spewing out old ideas about leadership and organizational structure – she was daring to paint a different picture.
This past weekend, I finished reading A Simpler Way, and can I just say – Wow. I don’t know if there’s a single page that doesn’t have something underlined on it and/or notes in the margins.
If you haven’t spent years of your life working in various organizational structures that have the ability to drive you up the wall with their bureaucracy, short-sightedness and lack of beauty, you might not find this book particularly interesting. But if you’re stuck in a system that regularly makes you think “isn’t there a better way?”, then this may be the book for you.
Meg Wheatley and her co-author believe that there IS a better way – a simpler way. She believes that if we look at the scientific order of things, we can see that nature draws us toward organization and structure BUT it does not draw us toward the kind of organization most of us are stuck in. It draws us toward organization that is mutually beneficial, creative, organic, messy, and beautiful.
Wheatley believes that much of the way we organize is based on a flawed view of evolution. If we base our world view on “survival of the fittest”, then much of the way we structure our organizations (and our lives) is bounded by fear. Build an organization (or a life) based on fear, and you need to put rules, policies, procedures, and strategic plans into place to keep people in line. Spend most of your time keeping people in line, and you’ll lose their creativity and passion.
If, on the other hand, we recognize that nature’s true way of evolving leads species to co-exist peaceably (and often in mutually beneficial ways), we begin to realize that our own innate desires and movement is toward positive growth for us and our organizations. We begin to fear less and create more.
In the book, the authors share a story of some scientists who made some new discoveries on Galapagos Islands that didn’t fit with Darwin’s theory on survival of the fittest. When there was a limited food supply for a few different species of finches, the finches evolved so that some with longer beaks learned to source food that was deeper in the cacti that they all fed on. Instead of fighting for the same food source, they worked it out so that they could co-exist in the same space.
That thought was revolutionary for me. We are MEANT to work together, to create together, to evolve together. It just makes so much sense! We are not meant to feed off each other’s failure or to compete for limited resources.
This morning, while the ideas of the book were still fresh in my mind, I got an email from our HR manager, reminding the managers that we need to submit “annual performance appraisals” for all of our staff. I have always chafed at this responsibility, and after reading the book, I started to understand why. It is based on a negative framework. Rather than starting from something positive, we put boxes around our staff and tell them they have to meet these standards of performance.
I replied to the email suggesting perhaps we could re-name them “annual growth reviews”. (Any better ideas?) Sure, it’s just a simple word change, but it will help me change my perspective. (After all, I work in a non-profit organization that’s all about helping people get access to food – seems like we should forge a different path than most organizations!)
It’s time to kick fear to the curb and see what we are cabable of creating together.
