We are back from vacation, settling back into day-to-day life as we prepare for return-to-school season. I have another month of work and then I’ll be setting off on my new adventure in self-employment. (I’m already getting some contract offers even before I’ve had a chance to “hang my shingle”, so I’m rather hopeful that the transition will be a smooth one.)
Our vacation was just what the doctor ordered. We started with a relaxing week at a rented cabin at Albert Beach where we were surrounded by visiting friends and family. Nearly each day brought someone new to our little temporary home and we enjoyed everyone who showed up. (By the end, every available soft surface had a body sleeping on it.) And then we ended with a short camping trip to another beach where we hung out with family (but fewer of them) once again.
Oh how good a vacation can be for body and soul! Last night, after it all ended and most of the unpacking was done, I sat down for a quiet moment and just soaked in all of the goodness and happiness and contentment that came from a week in a beautiful place surrounded by people I love. Yup, cheesy but true.
Vacation affords a person with the opportunity to actually stop and notice the myriad of sacred moments that often pass us by. Here are just a few of the ones I experienced this past week.
Watching the moon cast a trail of gentle light on the water
Discovering a tiny country graveyard tucked under the trees in the middle of one of my morning runs
A bright green tree frog sitting completely still on a white cross
Wandering on a rugged, wave-whipped portion of the beach with my cousin/friend
Eating delicious crepes with some new-ish friends
Shadow patterns cast on the beach by wispy willow leaves
Standing with my beloved on the coldest, windiest day, watching the waves crash on the shore
“Rocks!” “Beach!” and other exuberance expressed by my 2 year old nephew
Family. Enough said.
Placing the last piece of the hardest puzzle ever.
My 72 year old mom, true to form, clamouring to the top of a giant rock with my brother.
A three generational volleyball game.
A courageous 8 year old diving into waves on the coldest, windiest day
Here, for your viewing pleasure, are a few more of our vacation photos.
I’m getting ready for a lazy, luxurious week at a cabin with my family, so my thoughts are only dipping into the shallow end of the pool these days. No profound insights, no soapboxes – just easy, sweet gratitude for all that is good in the world.
Here’s are a few of the things I’m savouring this summer, and a few that I’m hoping to savour next week:
Bike rides. Oh how I love them and how sad I am that I blew a tire and couldn’t ride today.
Lazy afternoons on the front lawn with a book and a glass of iced tea (or wine, if I’m in the mood)
The world’s best pizza cooked outdoors on a wood-fired brick oven
Easy conversations on my brother’s verandah
Paddling a canoe through some of Canada’s many beautiful lakes
Connecting with incredible, adventurous women around a campfire in the stillness of the wilderness
Beach afternoons with my daughters
Inspiring, energizing, easy conversations with some new and beautiful friends (you know who you are)
Brave and honest and hopeful email exchanges with other friends (I’m talkin’ about you and you)
The promise of EVEN MORE conversations and connections with people who inspire me (you could be next!)
The excited energy I get when I think of what will be blossoming for me in the near future
A lunch date with a dear friend and mentor
Wandering through a lazy beach town with my beloved on our anniversary
Thai food and wine with some of the beautiful (and local) women I met at ALIA
Watching my daughters play soccer and making deeper connections with some of the other soccer parents
An upcoming walk on the beach with a cousin who’s become a friend
Folk Festival (of course!)
Tonight’s yoga and dinner night on a patio overlooking the river with a great bunch of women
Chillin’ in the lazy river at Valley Fair with my girls
As I look over the list (and this is only a partial list of all the goodness in my life), I realize that most of the things I’m savouring are the connections I’ve made with people in my life. I am so blessed to be the recipient of such great love and friendship.
What are YOU savouring? (And, yes, that IS the way we spell savour in Canada!)
Maybe you’re ready for that
REALLY BIG THING
you’ve been wanting to do.
Maybe it’s time to
write a book
learn to sing
take a trip to India
become a public speaker
open a pet store
call yourself an artist
study zoology
teach children how to dance.
Maybe you don’t have to be afraid anymore.
Maybe the old stories you’ve been telling yourself –
you’re not thin enough
you won’t make enough money
people won’t take you seriously
you need to have a Masters degree
you’re not talented enough
– just aren’t true after all.
Maybe those people who are trying to stop you
are just trying to protect you
but maybe their fear doesn’t have to be your fear.
Maybe some of those things you’re afraid of
really will happen, and you’ll
fall on your face
embarrass yourself
lose money
fail.
But maybe you’re strong enough to survive those thing
and you’ll learn from them
and the next time you’re brave enough to try
you’ll succeed beyond your wildest dreams.
Maybe there are people waiting for exactly the kind of
wisdom
art
compassion
songs
encouragement
teaching
you have to offer and they can’t move forward
until you share it with them.
Maybe there is someone who is hurting
and the thing that you have to offer
is just what will heal them.
Maybe there is someone whose world has turned ugly
and the painting you have been longing to paint
will point them toward beauty and hope
Maybe you have the power to make someone smile.
Maybe you have the answer to someone’s longing.
Maybe you have the compassion to make someone feel loved.
Maybe you have the courage to change someone’s life.
Maybe God has given you
all of the gifts that you need
to make that
REALLY BIG THING
happen
and S/he’s just waiting (and longing) to see you do it.
Yesterday I picked up the textbook I’ll be using to teach a series of courses on Writing for Public Relations. That’s the cover of the book you see above. Does anything jump out at you when you look at the picture?
Think about it… three well-known men at microphones, and one anonymous woman at a keyboard, presumably writing their speeches and press releases. What does that say about who’s allowed to have a voice? At the same time, though, whose wisdom might be in the words those voices expresses?
Now, I know I have been guilty of over-analysis before, and some of you might be clicking away from this post already because “Heather’s on her soap-box again”, but bear with me for a moment, will you?
I haven’t read the book yet, so I cannot judge it, and I suspect that whoever designed/published it had no intentions of making any gender statements, but none-the-less, statements are often made by the subtle ways in which we communicate our values and opinions without even being fully aware of what we’re communicating. When I started in the position I’m about to leave, for example, I had to work very hard at changing our publications, website, etc., to ensure that the images we used to represent our donors weren’t all white men over fifty. (That’s not a dig at my predecessor – I just don’t think anyone noticed before.)
(Confession time: just this morning in a management meeting, we were talking about a part time job that’s available at our office, which requires more hours in winter than in summer. I said “it might be perfect for a working mom who wants to be at home with her kids in summer.” And the male feminist sitting next to me nudged me and whispered “or the working dad”. I was duly chastised. Hence I have no right to suggest I always get it right. Old habits die hard.)
Back to the textbook… I find it rather interesting (in a “God directs us when we’re paying attention” sort of way) that while I’m getting ready to walk away from my day job to teach people how to be better communicators and to lead people in imagining a world where we all trust our feminine wisdom more and let those voices be heard in our leadership, politics, art, healthcare, schools, etc., I am faced with such a strong image of what continues to be acceptable in our society.
Let’s face it – men’s voices are still heard more often. Men’s leadership is still trusted more broadly. Yes, we’ve definitely seen some significant changes in that regard, and I acknowledge that I probably wouldn’t have had a chance to work in some of the roles I’ve worked in fifty or a hundred years ago. We may have come a long way, baby… but… it’s not okay to become complacent and assume that it’s smooth sailing from here on in.
That’s why some of what I mentioned in the last post worries me. If we forget the hard work that our feminist fore-mothers and fore-fathers did to ensure that ALL of our voices can be heard, and if we get too caught up in living self-centred, consumerist lives because we are “entitled and empowered”, then women the world over will continue to be marginalized, abused, genitally mutilated, sold into sex slavery, etc., etc.
Below is a photo of some young women I met in India. They had been rescued from slavery by the staff of an incredible organization that we met with in a remote rural town, but their families didn’t want them back because they are damaged goods. I wish I could remember their names (and part of me – quite honestly – is not sure I have the right to use their picture without at least that dignity), but I don’t. None-the-less, it is for these women – and others like them – that I hereby commit to following this calling wherever it leads, to speaking up when I am called to do so, to encouraging others (women AND men) to trust their feminine wisdom, to not be satisfied with the status quo, and to teaching each and every student in my writing class to remember the power of their own voices.
I admit, I have not always remembered the power of my own voice and I have too often deferred to what I perceive to be the “voice of power”. But now is the time to begin to make that right. For these women. And for my daughters.
My sister and I took my two teenage daughters to see the movie Eat Pray Love this past weekend. It was enjoyable, if for no other reason than that it gave this wanderer lots of pretty location eye candy to feast my eyes on. And, as a mother who sat watching with her teenagers, I was glad that the producers chose to keep it G-rated. All in all, it was a pleasant way to spend an afternoon.
But… (you knew there was going to be a but, didn’t you?) the fact that I brought teenage girls to the movie also made me cognizant of a few things that concern me somewhat about not only the movie, but the bigger picture of what this movie & book represent. I couldn’t help but think what messages my 13 and 14 year old daughters are picking up in this era of what Bitch Magazine calls “priv lit”. Here are some of my thoughts on that subject:
1. The movie (even more than the book) does a poor job of establishing why the character is wracked with such angst that she has to ditch a marriage and walk away from her life for a year. The impression that you get in the movie is that Gilbert is just a bit bored and needs to inject some enthusiasm in her life. Well, call me old fashioned, but I don’t want my daughters to believe that you leave a marriage because you’re “a bit bored”. When you’re in a relationship, you commit to it and you work damn hard at making it work. I’m not saying every marriage is going to work (or that they should), but leaving is not a decision that’s made as lightly as the movie would imply. (Granted – they didn’t have a lot of time to tell that story.) Not so long ago, my daughters watched some of that commitment at work, when my husband and I put the whole “in sickness and in health” vow to the test and decided that love was worth sticking around for. Hopefully they’re watching us more than they’re watching the movie screen.
2. I’m all for self-improvement and “living your best life”, but… well, just how dangerous is the message that we’re communicating to our youth that we as women are “entitled” to spending hoardes of money traveling around the world and finding ourselves? What about the “giving back” part of that? When do we remember that our rights have to be balanced with responsibility? Sure it’s good (and important) to spend time growing in our spirituality and learning more about our giftedness, but then what? Then we get to flit away to an island with a sexy Brazillian and never have another care in the world? I guess I’m still too committed to the idea that we find ourselves in order that we can better serve the world. (And… you might argue that Gilbert is doing just that by writing books, etc., but my point is that my daughters only pick up a one-sided view by watching the movie.)
3. Along the same lines, I can’t help but sigh a little about the “luxury of angst” when I have met women in Africa who have to walk 10 kilmetres to fetch water for their families, or women in India who’ve had to give up their daughters (and lose them into the sex trade) to keep the rest of their families alive. Is it right that we get to spend so much of our time and money on ourselves “because we’re worth it”, when some of the luxuries we’re enjoying are on the backs of the poor?
4. As this article so eloquently suggests, maybe all of this priv lit that represents the post-feminist era is actually sending us backwards instead of forwards. “But though Oprahspeak pays regular lip service to empowerment, much of Winfrey’s advice actually moves women away from political, economic, and emotional agency by promoting materialism and dependency masked as empowerment, with evangelical zeal.” Maybe, while we get lost in this culture of “self-enlightenment for our own sake”, we’ll miss the bigger picture of how we can impact real change in the world.
5. And a bonus quote from the article linked above… “It’s no secret that, according to America’s marketing machine, we’re living in a “postfeminist” world where what many people mean by “empowerment” is the power to spend their own money.” Does spending money make us empowered? Really? Maybe we could seek empowerment instead by simplicity and generosity and justice. (I couldn’t help but notice that, although the main character left New York with just a duffle bag, she was still wearing a different outfit in nearly every scene of the movie.)
It’s not that the movie was horrible – it was actually quite enjoyable and there were parts of it that genuinely inspired me. However as I continue to imagine what gifts I’m going to offer the world as I build my consulting/writing practice (and dream of workshops, retreats, etc.), I find I have to examine some of the self-improvement/self-enlightenment/mindfulness work and determine which of it is moving us forward. Which of it is snake oil? And which of it is making us an even more self-centred consumerist culture than we already are?
As I’ve said in the past, I want to imagine what it looks like if “Sophia Rises” and we all learn to trust our feminist wisdom more deeply and let it impact the way we interact with the world and each other. Contrary to what I may have said above, some of it will mean that we have to take lessons from the Elizabeth Gilberts of this world and focus more of our attention on beauty, spirituality and relationships. Those are all very good things and they will help us see our way forward. BUT we have to guard against the temptation to turn these things into self-serving pleasure seeking consumerism.
