IMPORTANT UPDATE
As of April 2024, my blog has moved over to Substack where I’m co-hosting A Tender Space (together with my business partner at Centre for Holding Space). You can find my new writing plus podcast episodes there, or sign up below to get them in your inbox.
Here’s some of my earlier writing…
When shame-brain meets the mistake monster
I cut off someone in traffic recently. It was completely my fault. I wasn’t paying enough attention and drifted into the other lane when mine was suddenly blocked off for construction. The moment I realized what I’d done, though, shame-brain quickly tried to find...
What came first – the trauma or the patriarchy?
Sometimes you don’t know that you know something until you hear the words come out of your mouth. That’s how it was when I said these words a few weeks ago, while teaching my Holding Space Coach/Facilitator Program… “Trauma is the soil in which the patriarchy has...
Tips for social media engagement
Not sure how to engage in healthy conversations online? Here are some tips: If they didn’t ask for advice or fixing, don’t assume that they want it. If you don’t want advice or fixing, go ahead and say you don’t want it. If you weren’t there, don’t assume you know...
What if we claim (and honour) sovereignty in our relationships?
Up until a dozen years ago, I’d only encountered the word “sovereign” in reference to God and I assumed it had something to do with being all-powerful, all-knowing, in control, and holy. I later encountered it in relation to nations, but, because I’d been raised with...
Resources for good people who want to do better
I am far from an expert in issues related to diversity, inclusion, or decolonization but because my work involves holding space for increasingly complex conversations in increasingly complex environments, I make it my mission to learn as much as I can in order to do...
Holding Space for Outrage
When my husband and I separated and he moved out of the house, my youngest daughter was 13, and she was, understandably, angry about a situation in which she had no agency to control the outcome. I tried to be present for her in as kind and compassionate a way as I...
It’s been three years since I wrote a blog post that changed my life
On this day, three years ago, I did something entirely ordinary. I wrote a blog post. I’d been writing blog posts a few times a week for more than a dozen years by then, so it was nothing special. Only this time… it WAS special. Little did I know that millions of...
Holding space for the unspeakable
In May of 2017, I stood in front of a large group of therapists, school counsellors, and youth workers in Broward County, Florida, teaching a full day workshop on how to hold space for grief and trauma. The next day, I taught many of the same people in two...
Meet me in the space of “I don’t know”
Two days before the end, I sat on a stool next to the armchair where Mom lay. When she leaned toward me, I leaned in too, afraid I’d miss what she’d say with her disappearing voice. “I don’t know how to do this,” she said, looking at me with eyes that were searching...
New year, new you? How do you make meaningful change?
Yesterday, on the last day of 2017, I was encouraging my teenage daughter to clean her room. (If you asked for her version of the story, she might use the word “nagging”, but I’m the one telling this story, so let’s stick with “encouraging”.) She had been avoiding it...
Shawnigan Lake, B.C.
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